:confused: :confused: My husband and I thought after our daughters moved out we would have time for ourselves. But the kids moved back home 1 is pregnant. Her husband don't keep a job very long. So we thouoght they should move home so we could help with the baby. Was that a mistake?? And our youngest daughter moved back with her boyfriend. My husband is the only one with a job. Well they are getting jobs soon (kids). What is going to happen in the furture of my husband and myself?:confused: :confused:

You need to have a discussion with them about what their plans are.

As long as you let your house be cheap lodging they'll take it.

You can always see if you can help them find cheaper housing... truth is housing for four people (daughter, soninlaw, daughter, bf) is something most college kids can scrounge up, so why not them? If they aren't willing to act like grownups then you need to not enable them to act like kids.

I understand the issue w the baby. But you spent many years on these kids. All they are doing now is taking your $$, and you're letting them.

If you do not feel comfortable w making them find other arrangements now, see if you can work with them to come up with a plan for them to get out in, say, 6 months or a year.

They have to make their own mistakes now. They need to exp real life consequences. And you need to expect more of them and you need to demand more for yourself and your husband.

The first thing you need to do is have a real talk about their plans. Don't be angry or defensive. See what they are thinking. If they are not thinking anything, see if you can guide them towards a reasonable solution. If they are angry w you about this... well then you can get angry, defensive, whatever.

You are still the parent. You still set guidelines and consequences.

Hope they come to their senses sooner than later.

KP is right. You are simply enabling them to continue being children. What happens when the baby arrives? You get to be free baby sitter and day care, as for the other girl moving back in with her b/f, show them the direction that leads to the front door, are they so useless that they can't make a life for themselves? How long before SHE becomes pregnant (we can safely assume they are not celibate)?
You need to both show some backbone and make them face reality, if they continue to sponge off you they will NEVER leave and you will spend the rest of your life looking after their children whilst they laze their life away.

Very well said in both answers. By letting them back in they will just end up more dependent on you guys and maybe the jobs will be a long time coming.

Joe

HI,
I am not a Psychic, don't pretend to be. I am 64 yrs old, married 29 years, with 3 grown children, now moved away. My wife and I are alone at home now.
You have some very good answers!
Letting them move back in with you, taking advantage of you, not working out their own problems, is called "enabling".
You are enabling them to still be children. As long as you support them, take care of them, I doubt they will be moving out for quite some time!
It's your decision. I do suggest telling them to work out their own problems, take responsibility for their own lives, and find another place to live.
You can still help with the baby, but they don't have to be living with you for you to do that.
I do wish you the best, and good luck with your decisions.

McDonalds is normally hiring, get the people to work. There are all sorts of jobs if a person wants to work. They find laying around all day eating your food a lot easier.

The ladies have found basically lazy men. PS, Boyfriend would not live in my house, he can live in his parents house and girl and boy can visit.

Also why not let them go spend so many weeks at the home of the boys parents. (why did they not go there?)

But basically letting them stay, not making them work, does not work

Its called tough love for a reason. It is caring to push the birds out of the nest. If you never do they will never learn to fly.

Hypatia