How does one deal with a lifetime of trauma and heartache?
When I was 13 I found out that my father sexually abused my 2 half sisters
When I was 17 my full sister was killed
When I 26 my husband cheated on me and abandoned me and our daughter,. but I took him back
When I 32 I misdiagnosed with Hep B when I was in my first trimester of 2nd pregnancy
When I was 35 my husband cheated again... I still took hime back
Just a month before my 40th b'day, my father died
After that I took care of my mother because she was paralyzed from cancer
About 3 months before my 42nd b'day, my mother died
About 6 months after my 42nd, I found out that my husband was texting another woman
About Dec. 1st, I found out that my husband was cheating again
Now this has really happened... it's hard to explain, but I come from an abusive childhood. I was never sexually abused, but was verbally and emotionally abused. Still, I loved my parents very much and they were the world to me. I am baby of the family and my older 2 sisters were already living on their own. Even when my sister died, I had to take care of my parents and no one noticed that I was depressed. My sisters abandoned their children and no of us are close. Believe it or not, my husband is the best thing that happened to me. He grounded me. I still love him and he is still in therapy. He does tell me that he is confronting himself and will not ever do that again. But, I guess I am having a hard time accepting that. I can't see how he could have hurt me when I was already depressed about the loss of my parents.
Now... I just feel so empty inside.. the only thing that keeps me going are my 2 children. I held my marriage together for them.. I didn't want them to come from a broken home and my husband is a good provider. My children are the people in the world that mean anything to me!
I know this is long, but I am so lost and I, too, was closed to God my whole life and now feel empty. I know that I am in a mid life crisis.