When I was 13 I found out that my father sexually abused my 2 half sisters

When I was 17 my full sister was killed

When I 26 my husband cheated on me and abandoned me and our daughter,. but I took him back

When I 32 I misdiagnosed with Hep B when I was in my first trimester of 2nd pregnancy

When I was 35 my husband cheated again... I still took hime back

Just a month before my 40th b'day, my father died

After that I took care of my mother because she was paralyzed from cancer

About 3 months before my 42nd b'day, my mother died

About 6 months after my 42nd, I found out that my husband was texting another woman

About Dec. 1st, I found out that my husband was cheating again

Now this has really happened... it's hard to explain, but I come from an abusive childhood. I was never sexually abused, but was verbally and emotionally abused. Still, I loved my parents very much and they were the world to me. I am baby of the family and my older 2 sisters were already living on their own. Even when my sister died, I had to take care of my parents and no one noticed that I was depressed. My sisters abandoned their children and no of us are close. Believe it or not, my husband is the best thing that happened to me. He grounded me. I still love him and he is still in therapy. He does tell me that he is confronting himself and will not ever do that again. But, I guess I am having a hard time accepting that. I can't see how he could have hurt me when I was already depressed about the loss of my parents.

Now... I just feel so empty inside.. the only thing that keeps me going are my 2 children. I held my marriage together for them.. I didn't want them to come from a broken home and my husband is a good provider. My children are the people in the world that mean anything to me!

I know this is long, but I am so lost and I, too, was closed to God my whole life and now feel empty. I know that I am in a mid life crisis.

For one thing staying for the sake of the kids is not always the best thing. I had to leave my x when my kids were pre school through third grade and they turned out fine. Often when you stay for the sake of the kids they sense that something is not right or even learn the neglect/abuse patterns and end up doing the same.
It might be good to get into counseling or volunteering with some type of domestic abuse centers so you can get some ideas on how others cope with things and share what you have been through yourself.
Other than that sometimes you have to be strong within yourself and find what is best for you in life.

HI,

Did you notice that your referents for your life all revolve around other people and what happens to them or what they do? I think you are empty because you haven't developed your own self, your own life over the last 25 years... that is very common for women. :)

The second half of your life is going to be about you, about developing a you that makes you happy to be alive and a joy to others.

The ancient advice is still true, to have a happy life, have interests and activities and do everything in moderation.

If you want any more direction, let me know.


Best wishes,