This is really hard for me.

My boyfriend of 5 years is on the road frequently and he's quite busy. Recently, we've had a few problems but we've always managed to work it out.
Anyway, he's gone again. He left at the end of May and won't be back until early July. I told him not to worry about phoning a lot since I know he's really busy. (In the past he phoned every day, or at least every other day)
Since he's been gone, he's called three times. He hasn't emailed me or anything to let me know what's going on. When he called on Saturday I told him that I didn't say what I had said because I didn't want him to call... but because I know he's busy and not to worry about it.
He said that he knew.
The problem?
I know what I said... but I didn't expect him to never phone, ever. Was he just calling before to make me happy? Does he not want to talk to me? I feel like he's avoiding me. And if I say anything, then I seem needy (which is not my personality at all). I'm really lonely here without him and I feel like I've done something wrong.

I have a feeling I may have messed up here and it's my own fault... but any insight would be most helpful.
Thanks in advance.

It seems to me like you have a communication problem here. I would tend to think if he loves you, and cares how you are doing, he would miss you enough to call more frequently. Trust and communication are key, so I would just tell him how you are feeling, and listen VERY carefully to how he responds.

I can't tell you if he Loves you or not that's something you will need to speak to him about.

Like starbucks said there seems to be a communications problem and that's something that is required in all good relationships.

And I have to say if I'm away from my other half for any period I would WANT to call every day or so.

First rule of dating - be honest. You lied to him when you told him you didn't need him to call very often. In fact, it appears to be turning out to be a BIG lie.

So, own your mistake. Don't do that again, say something that isn't true just to be nice if it's something that will literally drive you bonkers if honored.

You can fix this situation, too. Eliminate the randomness of the calls. Make phone dates for specific times. He'll hedge a little, let him, but don't let him off the hook.

"Call me on Saturday afternoon around 2. Do you think you'll be free then? What time would be good, then? 3 is better, awesome. Call me then! Love you."

When he calls don't ask him a bunch of questions, most guys actually hate that. Have some topics to discuss when he calls, some info from your days, catch up on news. Is there any project your working on that benefits the two of you, like upcoming vacation plans? Get some of that going, too.

JB, I took your advice... and it worked.
I explained to him that I made a mistake and that when he didn't call frequently it hurt me. He apologized and said that he didn't realize what he did and he didn't want to hurt me and will call more frequently from now on.
Just that simple.
You're very wise. :)

Yeah, well, if he'd blown up on that call you'd've blamed me for that, too, so... phew, bullet dodged. Hehe.

Glad things are smoothed over. Calm honesty - always the best policy.

JB does it again!
LOL, way to go JB.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mova12

This is really hard for me.

My boyfriend of 5 years is on the road frequently and he's quite busy. Recently, we've had a few problems but we've always managed to work it out.
Anyway, he's gone again. He left at the end of May and won't be back until early July. I told him not to worry about phoning a lot since I know he's really busy. (In the past he phoned every day, or at least every other day)
Since he's been gone, he's called three times. He hasn't emailed me or anything to let me know what's going on. When he called on Saturday I told him that I didn't say what I had said because I didn't want him to call... but because I know he's busy and not to worry about it.
He said that he knew.
The problem?
I know what I said... but I didn't expect him to never phone, ever. Was he just calling before to make me happy? Does he not want to talk to me? I feel like he's avoiding me. And if I say anything, then I seem needy (which is not my personality at all). I'm really lonely here without him and I feel like I've done something wrong.

I have a feeling I may have messed up here and it's my own fault... but any insight would be most helpful.
Thanks in advance.

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I know you love this guy and you guys have been together for a long time but in my opinion I think he isn't interested anymore. I mean you said he used to call every day and now he doesn't just because you made a missunderstanding? If he really cared and loved you he would stay with you and find a job closer and if he went away he would always contact you. If you were away you would always contact him but that's because you care more. You didn't do anything wrong, I do think you guys need to talk about your relationship and try and make it work or see if there is anything there..

We actually live together. And he plays in a band that tours quite a bit (I understand this as I am musician as well). So they drive for several hours, play a show and then it's too late to call (I get all this as, again, I am also a musician). I was trying to be nice and relieve him of that worry but then I drove myself crazy because I wasn't hearing from him.

Misunderstanding and it seems to be cleared up now. I shot myself in the foot on that one, but he should have called more often. We both messed up.

Glad it worked out for you.

Its great to see the advice work out and have the people come back to let us know :)

I think communicating exactly what you feel, and expressing them clearly, will keep the confusion down in the future.