I moved to a small town about two years ago to be near my fiancé. He has a 16 year old that has never been told no by either him or his ex-wife. She gets everything handed to her and doesn't have to help around the house, she talks back, she choses when to come see her dad and when not too and she tells lies about what goes on at our house (like he yells at her all the time - I have lived here two years and never heard a loud voice from him towards her) I have been there for her through allot because her mom travels all the time with her job (the 16 year is OK with that because she always brings her gifts and takes her shopping upon her return) I have been there at sporting events and she ignores me totally, I have been there at her confirmation when her mom took a trip during that as well as her 15, and 16th birthday. I have never tried to be her mom, I have three kids of my own that I raised alone and they are awesome adults that have careers and a great relationship with both me, my ex-husband and his new wife. I get no respect from her when she comes to our house, she walks in and says nothing, she talks back to her dad. She hasn't came out for two months because she doesn't want to and then her mom booked a trip and she had to come out. She has told me My family is a waste of her time, I have a new granddaughter that was born three months early and she said that wasn't her problem when I said I needed a little understanding about how I was feeling. Her dad hasn't really stuck up for me at all through all of this. She says things to me and he doesn't correct it or say a word. I didn't know him when he and his ex were divorced but it was because she was having an affair with a much younger man but the 16 year old doesn't know that and still blames her dad for breaking their family up. No one wants to talk to her about any of the divorce issues but they buy her things to make her feel better. She just got a $6,000 first car handed to her and she doesn't even have to work to pay for gas they gave her a gas card! I am asking for help. I love her dad and she could be a great kid. I have never Not got along with kids and it is making me crazy that she treats me like this and I can't say anything to her because then she won't come out and it will be my fault. Her dad and her don't get along really either but he thinks if he raises his voice or makes her obey rules she may really not like him so he lets her get away with anything she wants. HELP! She is only a sophomore in high school and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. She is rude when my family is around... and they are very important to me...

Sounds like you and her dad need to have a talk about boundaries and respect, and how you have a young woman coming to your house and not respecting either.

Being a parent isn't about "liking"--it's about raising a child to be a competent adult. He needs to comprehend that.

You didn't make this mess and you won't be the one that will be able to fix it. Some day your step daughter will grow up and hopefully stop acting out negative behaviors. All you can do is try to be the positive influence and try not to take it personal when she acts unpleasant towards you. Your husband needs to realize that he isn't helping her by NOT parenting her properly. Sometimes being a parent means that you're not their friend. I wish you the best.

Sounds like a classic case of daughter that gets everything her way and views the new girlfriend as a threat to her father/daughter relationship. She has been daddy's little girl and with you in the pic she realizes he will divide his interests. You need to have a talk with him that he needs to back you up and support you so that she is not walking all over you.
If she hasn't already, she will eventually start the "YOU aren't my mother!" So you need to establish the boundries and his backing you now before you get in any deeper.