Ok I was on myspace yesterday and for some reason I decided to send a message to a girl that I dated along time ago. I said hey and asked her wasup, I wasn't even sure if she would message me back, but she did and she seemed pleasantly surprised. She said something about how she hasn't talked to me in forever, I'm 19 now,I was like 13 when we dated. I replied to her and said that according to myspace she's my friend and I just figured id say hey. I would like to continue talking to her and get to know her again, but I don't know what to say, and I don't know if she would be interested in me. I thought maybe I should wait a day or 2 to talk to her again because I don't want to bug her by constantly sending messages. Any ideas on what I should say or do next?

Just ask about what she's been doing and things like that, nothing more than just friends for now, but if she doesn't reply then that's kind of a signal that she won't be interested :/

You're 19 now, sitting and popping internet messages back and forth is pretty teenage.

If you're interested in her, get off the computer. Invite her to a specific thing on a specific day, something safe and casual and public.

"I'm going to see the new Adam Sandler movie with some friends on Saturday. Interested in coming along? There's a great burger joint nearby... we're meeting at 1:00pm for lunch first, we can catch up before the movie? If you can at least come for lunch it would be AWESOME! You don't have to email/text, you can call me at 555-1234. Later!"

TIP OF THE DAY: Try to court women in real life, not with electronic devices.

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

You're 19 now, sitting and popping internet messages back and forth is pretty teenage.

If you're interested in her, get off the computer. Invite her to a specific thing on a specific day, something safe and casual and public.

"I'm going to see the new Adam Sandler movie with some friends on Saturday. Interested in coming along? There's a great burger joint nearby... we're meeting at 1:00pm for lunch first, we can catch up before the movie? If you can at least come for lunch it would be AWESOME! You don't have to email/text, you can call me at 555-1234. Later!"

TIP OF THE DAY: Try to court women in real life, not with electronic devices.

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I see what you are saying but Im not trying to court her at the moment. Im just trying to get to know her and get a feel for her.. I was unsure about asking her out somewhere because I haven't talked to her much and I don't want to seem overly interested in someone I don't know all that well, or like Im being to forward.

Well you've said it yourself!

What strikes me as odd is that you send her a message (not knowing why mind you), she replies and all of a sudden your sooooo interested in her and are thinking about when, where and how to ask her out! Just cause she replies to your message does not mean she's into you nor that she is being anything but polite.

As stated above you know and have said you need to get to know her before anything so do that. Message her whenever, don't put a specific date on it, also note if she is sending you messages to talk or just all you to her.

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Originally Posted by BMI

Well you've said it yourself!

What strikes me as odd is that you send her a message (not knowing why mind you), she replies and all of a sudden your sooooo interested in her and are thinking about when, where and how to ask her out! Just cause she replies to your message does not mean she's into you nor that she is being anything but polite.

As stated above you know and have said you need to get to know her before anything so go ahead and do that. Message her whenever, don't put a specific date on it, also note if she is sending you messages to talk or just all you to her.

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I've sent her 2 and she has sent me 2.

And I'm not saying she is interested or that she's not doing anything but being polite... I don't know if she is or not... Im just asking for advice on what would be appropriate conversation.

Sending im's isn't just teenage... not these days.

You are interested in her perhaps and you don't know her angle. Its been a long time. She could just be happy to hear from the past. She could be interested in seeing who you've become.

I have no idea what your two im's were about. What did she say? What did you say? Are you two in the same town or even close?

Why not be bold and tell her you want to meet up for dinner if she's free to catch up? What do you have to lose? If she accepts you get human contact. If she denies, you get closure and that's that.

Seriously... why not ask her out to coffee at a place with live music? Or take her to a great restaurant nobody else knows about?

I did this when making contact with two former gf's... one accepted and it was a great time, though we didn't date. The other denied me only to ask me out later, after id already started dating another.

When I'm an old man I'm likely not to hate the dumb chances I took... it'll be the chances I didn't take thatll tick me off to no end.

Wait a few days... find a good place to meet or something interesting happening... take a chance.

You really aren't asking her on a date. You are asking to meet up and that's that. Don't make it bigger than it is. Don't be afraid to tell a person you'd like to see them.

"when im an old man im likely not to hate the dumb chances i took... itll be the chances i didnt take thatll tick me off to no end." I like that.

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Originally Posted by jd12688

"when im an old man im likely not to hate the dumb chances i took... itll be the chances i didnt take thatll tick me off to no end." I like that.

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Seriously... I'm not an old man yet... but already I get pi$$ed at the swings I never took more than the idiot things I did. Its just the truth. One life to live. Tick tock.

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Originally Posted by BMI

Well you've said it yourself!

What strikes me as odd is that you send her a message (not knowing why mind you), she replies and all of a sudden your sooooo interested in her and are thinking about when, where and how to ask her out! Just cause she replies to your message does not mean she's into you nor that she is being anything but polite.

As stated above you know and have said you need to get to know her before anything so go ahead and do that. Message her whenever, don't put a specific date on it, also note if she is sending you messages to talk or just all you to her.

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What strikes me as odd is you not knowing what you're talking about... Id like you to pick out the part of my original post where I said anything about when or where I should ask her out... I didn't. I said I would like to get to know her again and asked if anyone had any suggestions about what I should say or do next. A little piece of advice to you... Make sure you know the question before you answer it.

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Originally Posted by jd12688

A little piece of advice to you... Make sure you know the question before you answer it.

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Uhm... jd, you might want to relax a little. You didn't say you wanted to ask her out, but I think its pretty clear you are interested in that possibility perhaps. From your other post you've just have a breakup with your first big love, you are feeling a little lost and unsure, and seeking out an old friend isn't necessarily searching for a date... but I also read your original post in this thread as if you were wanting to ask her out. I just didn't say it the same way bmi did. If talking to her didn't have some element of potentially amping things up, why post about it?

Some of us, including me, tend to be straight up in your face and we don't always deliver advice with milk and cookies. If a member has a wrong take on a situation or takes a hard angle, try to shake it off.

Bmi just read more into the post... or not. If it wasn't anxiousness about asking her out, there's at least an air of anxiousness overall, most likely tied to your situation.

Thanks KP for the advice to take it lightly, unfortunetly I can't.

Must suck when you try to insult someone and end up looking like a fool. Let me try to show you how to insult someone and not look like a fool.

You mentioned you are not sure she's interested in you, obviously she is as a friend or she would have ignored your message, so your talking about her liking you Einstein. Also, you say you don't want to come off as messaging her too often correct? What care would one have if they were messaging someone they held no feeling for how many times they message? It is plain to see this is being looked at as a potential relationship and nothing else. If I'm wrong than KP may have sided with you, obviously the more wise know exactly what your talking about, in fact, the only who doesn't seems to be you.

If you are right (lol) than your question is dumb and I'd wager you would not even concern yourself with posting it!

Take your own advice "champ", understand before you ask!

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Originally Posted by BMI

Thanx KP for the advice to take it lightly, unfortunetly I can't.

Must suck when you try to insult someone and end up looking like a fool. Let me try to show you how to insult someone and not look like a fool.

You mentioned you are not sure she's interested in you, obviously she is as a friend or she would have ignored your message, so your talking about her liking you Einstein. Also, you say you don't want to come off as messaging her too often correct? What care would one have if they were messaging someone they held no feeling for how many times they message? It is plain to see this is being looked at as a potential relationship and nothing else. If i'm wrong than KP may have sided with you, obviously the more wise know exactly what your talking about, in fact, the only who doesn't seems to be you.

If you are right (lol) than your question is dumb and i'd wager you would not even concern yourself with posting it!

Take your own advice "champ", understand before you ask!

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I said that because you said it was odd that I was "sooo" interested in asking her out just because she replied... when at the moment Im not... I'm interested in getting to know her and that's it... maybe after I get to know her Ill be interested in that... but not right now... I was asking for advice on what I could say or talk to her about that wouldn't come off as me trying to be anything more than a friend. I know exactly what I asked.. because I asked it.

I could argue that last line with you plenty.

AS for the rest I stand behind what I said previously. I submit that if you only wanted to know her as a friend you would not concern yourself about whento message or how you will come off sounding. I will agree with KP again as my situation is similar to yours so I know exactly where you are coming from. The difference in the situations is that if you are getting toknow her without thoughts of dating her you would not worry about messaging her too often nor would you wonder if she was interested in you. The fact that you are contemplating these things indicates your looking ahead at this point, which is what your saying your not doing.

Nevertheless, I don't take issue with your position rather your response. I did offer my suggestion towards the bottom of my original answer and it is still applicable. Shouldyou choose to ignore the rest than fine, your choice. Just be aware is all, we tend to fool ourselves quite easily when matters with ex's arise.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by BMI

I could argue that last line with you plenty.

AS for the rest I stand behind what I said previously. I submit that if you only wanted to know her as a friend you would not concern yourself about whento message or how you will come off sounding. I will agree with KP again as my situation is similar to yours so I know exactly where you are coming from. The difference in the situations is that if you are getting toknow her without thoughts of dating her you would not worry about messaging her too often nor would you wonder if she was interested in you. The fact that you are contemplating these things indicates your looking ahead at this point, which is what your saying your not doing.

Nevertheless, I don't take issue with your position rather your response. I did offer my suggestion towards the bottom of my original answer and it is still applicable. Shouldyou choose to ignore the rest than fine, your choice. Just be aware is all, we tend to fool ourselves quite easily when matters with ex's arise.

Good luck!

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I understand what you are saying.. and Ill apologize for the way I responded... but like I said.. I used to date this girl... that's the reason I said I didn't want to seem like I was over interested... she isn't some random girl who I don't want to seem like I'm interested in just because of the fact that I am interested. Its because we did date. And I wouldn't want her to think that after however many years that I am trying to comeback and date her. Because at this point Im not.. I am trying to get to know her and I would like to talk to her without her thinking Im interested in dating.. because we did used to.