I feel safe when I am at home in my bedroom, I'd like to stay there forever, but that is not reality.

Last year I tried to take my life but they saved me, I should be dead and at time I wish I were, my life is in a worse mess today than it was then, it seems that everywhere I turn I make the wrong choices and dig myself in deeper into dept and more into a mess with my family.

Why did I live, there must be a reason, I don't know. But I'm here and I guess I'll have to make the best of this messed up life.

On the outside I look like a happy go lucky person who has not a worry in the world and on the inside I'm a mess, a worried nervous break down mess. I just like to go home and get in my bed and stay there where no one can touch me or hurt me or make judgements against me.

How can I change my life?

I went through almost the same thing a few years ago... I got into counselling with someone I really felt comfortable with, got on the right medication (and I stress RIGHT medication). It took work, but eventually, things just started getting better, little by little... It still requires work to this day, but it's totally worth it to me.

I am sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time.

If you don't mind me asking,was it after a particular incident that you felt this way or has it been that way since you remember?

And I am sure you are not the only one who thinks that taking your life is a solution to problems you have faced or will face.

I hope you will continue to post and hopefully someone will be here to help you find ways to solve your problems.

How do you find the right medication? I was put into a hospital for 4 days when I tried to kill myself, they did not change my medication and when I got out my therapist said I really didn't need any counseling, I understood what I had done. I went to group counseling for about 4 weeks and I could have been the instructor. It did me good to know there were so many others worse off than I was but in the end I'm not sure what it did for me.

I called to see if there was a bipolar clinical study in my area which there is not at this time, I'm not even sure if I'm bipolar but I do have highs and lows and get so upset at the drop of a hat.

I don't know what is wrong with me?? I just thought it would be nice to know if anyone else was like me.

Like I said I can just stay in my bedroom and all is OK... I know I need help but that is hard to find...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mbell1960

I don't know what is wrong with me??? I just thought it would be nice to know if anyone else was like me.

Like I said I can just stay in my bedroom and all is ok.... I know I need help but that is hard to find...

---

Bell,

Do you have any interests,hobbies or past times that you feel at least relaxed to be doing?Or was relaxing at one time but not anymore?

I am sure there are others here who may have gone through similar episodes of highs and lows.
Don't give up hope...

Is someone supporting you financially so that you can stay in your bedroom if you want? Who?
What is your age, that is very important?

I am the same way I spend most of my life in my bedroom like a year ago I used to like live in my bedroom closet weird but that's the placed I liked to be because there were no windows or anything and no one could see me or judge me... I try to get out more and I want to go places but I can't because I'm always afraid someone will judge me and make me feel worse of myself... your not the only one...

I feel the same way because I have struggled the past 20 some years and feel like I am still in my same messes. Nothing seems to get much better no matter how much I try.
One thing I do know is you need to envision yourself and where you want to be in 5, 10, 20years from now and work a plan with a goal and don't let anything side track you.
Stick as close to your basic plan without cluttering it up with unnecessary situations and things because they just hold you back and drag you down.
Learn from everything too. Like learn from your debt mistakes how to manage money better, learn from bad relationships what to avoid, learn from others taking advantage of you. Put everything you learn to a positive way of how you are going to better your circumstances.

I feel the same way and really I think evryone dose at some point in there life. You don't feel like that for no reason. Is there something going on in your life that scares you. Bullys,familly differces. Most likley its because evry thing is changing and you don't know how to deel with it. My edvice is don't try to fix your mistakes on your own. Ask someone you trust for help. It could be your counler,parent,family meber or a good friend.