Hey there.I am not sure where to turn at the moment. I recently about 3 years ago had a fight with someone I thought was a friend. He vented on me in an email because I couldn't see him when he visited in my own town, and I apologised ! He was so in the wrong venting on me ! Just recently I saw him out as he has moved back to this town, AND I ripped shreds off him verbally!! He got scared and has never come back to the club I saw him again ! I felt good and relived ! Now , Since that night about a year ago I can't shake it ! I am even more angry ! And still want revenge ! I still had his phone number, rang him and vented again ! Now it has made me even more peeved until I get resolution from the pricky email he sent me ! I want him to say "Sorry"! I will see him out again at a nightclub and I dred what I am going to do! I want to punch the crap out of him like I saw my brothers do when I was young! I am that angry ! I have tried shaking this anger ! All I want is an apology for the email and hurtful words he said ! I am such a spiritual, positive and caring person and this one person has turned me around with the he has said about my life and my husband etc etc... that I want serious revenge ! I am early 40's and I am mature ! I have never been like this ever. I don't know how to shake it ? Any advice? I tend to bring it out when drinking, but yep I can't give up my one outlet in life drinking.. thanks.. :)

By calling or writing him and telling them you are sorry for getting angry at them and holding that anger for years. You can not start getting forgiven till you learn to forgive.

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Originally Posted by Clorice

I am early 40's and I am mature !

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NO, you are in your early 40's and you are immature. Just let go, and forgive. My god, I'm 16 and even I can call this immature. You shouldn't hold a grudge for this long. Forgive him, and maybe he will forgive you. If he doesn't, who really cares?

Your just wasting your life and pissing away your happiness for no good reason.
I truly hope that you can forgive and forget here...

Girl, you lack a lot of humility :)... people can think ill of you because you aren't perfect by any means... and you just have to accept their comments, and assess them. :)

This is how we learn and grow up!. from constructive criticism, making mistakes, and improving, valuing other people's opinions about us.

Best wishes going forward,

I didn't mean to seem offensive, or rude, but holding a grudge for a year?
I hope you do learn and grow from this situation, and learn to forgive.
Good luck, and I hope I helped a bit.

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Originally Posted by Clorice

Hey there.I am not sure where to turn at the moment. I recently about 3 years ago had a fight with someone I thought was a friend. He vented on me in an email because I couldnt see him when he visited in my own town, and I apologised ! he was so in the wrong venting on me ! Just recently I saw him out as he has moved back to this town, AND I ripped shreds off him verbally !!! He got scared and has never come back to the club I saw him again ! I felt good and relived ! Now , Since that night about a year ago I can't shake it ! I am even more angry ! and still want revenge ! I still had his phone number, rang him and vented again ! Now it has made me even more peeved until I get resolution from the pricky email he sent me ! I want him to say "Sorry" !! I will see him out again at a nightclub and I dred what I am going to do! I want to punch the crap out of him like I saw my brothers do when I was young! I am that angry ! I have tried shaking this anger ! All I want is an apology for the email and hurtful words he said ! I am such a spiritual, positive and caring person and this one person has turned me around with the he has said about my life and my husband etc etc ...that I want serious revenge ! I am early 40's and I am mature ! I have never been like this ever. I dont know how to shake it ? any advice? I tend to bring it out when drinking, but yep I can't give up my one outlet in life drinking .. thanks ..:)

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Like a terrier with a toy, you are really holding on to this! Many people channel hurt feelings into anger, because feeling hurt is feeling vulnerable. From what you mention about your brothers, what you saw growing up, you never saw anyone not act out in anger, and apparently in your home it was the right thing to do.

You've made some ugly scenes in public and most likely have a reputation as being unstable. Has any of this made you happy? There are probably a lot of people in your town who you could go out with and have fun, but they keep away cause they never know when you are going to go off and overreact. Without knowing what was in the email I can't say for sure, but it's possible that your friend used email instead of a face to face because he knew you would overreact.

People have disagreements all the time. People occasionally hurt their friends. Sometimes you find that someone who you thought was a friend really wasn't. Ths happens to everyone, yet we're all not breathing fire and hellbent for revenge. Can you honestly say that you have never hurt anyone, even unintentionally?

More importently, you need to work on your impulse control. Today in the NY Times I read about a family tearing down a perfectly good house. Why? It was the site of a mass murder. Because the boyfriend of one of the people living there was angry. She told him she didn't want to see him anymore. He became so uncontrollably angry that he went to the house, shot his ex-girlfriend and 6 of her friends who just happened to be there. Later, when he was about to be arrested, he killed himself. That's 8 sets of parents who will never know grandchildren, will never be able to hug their child. A future teacher who might have made the difference between a child passing or dropping out died. A future police officer who might have gotten a drunk driver off the road before he slammed into a family van died. A future psychologist who might have transformed a suicidal patient into a healthy, happy member of the community died. And there were more.

All because someone couldn't control his temper.

Seriously, you may need professional help (no I'm not being sarcastic) to get control. Undoing what you learned while growing up is difficult, but doing nothing about this isn't making you happy, and this losing control has a way of escalating. What if you had a gun when you went off on him? Are you sure you wouldn't have pulled it out? Are you sure you wouldn't have fired it?

Look in your telephone book under mental health. Most hospitals have clinics where treatment is provided on a sliding scale, even free.

I'm sure the families of both the shooter and the seven people he gunned down in a fit of rage wished he had gotten help. Don't be yet another person to leave those who love you in sorrow.