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-   -   Long-term relationship break (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=223865)

  • Jun 6, 2008, 09:14 AM
    hryan
    Long-term relationship break
    My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years and do not live together. We both have full time jobs and we're getting to the age where moving out and getting married is upcoming. We have discussed moving out together several times and have talked about marriage as well. Over time we have had some issues with her going out with her friends to the nightlife scene and looking back I have caused her grief and pressure over that. She has told me to not question her and give her freedom to go out and do things socially sometimes where she can have fun with her friends and to trust her. It's been wearing her down over time and it has gotten to the point where she has asked for some space to clear her head. I told her that I can loosen up but she said that she's heard that before and needs some space. This happened earlier this week and she has asked to respect the fact she needs space and that I need to work on loosening up with the pressure. Even last week we had been searching around neighborhoods for a place to live so I am hoping that I might have caused her so much stress that she just needs to pull back for a bit. I understand that I might not get a second chance to prove to her that I can change but does this situation seem like there might be some light at the end of the tunnel? I haven't called her for a day now and am trying to keep my distance. My fear is that she doesn't want to talk because it's her way of completely moving on and getting me out of her life. My hope is that she just needs some time to clear her head and is giving me a very big wake up call that changes need to be made. Do you have any advice?
  • Jun 6, 2008, 09:23 AM
    damaged
    If she asked for space give her space... You got to respect her decision even if you don't agree with it... You got to understand that she has a life besides you... Leave her alone until she clears her head... You will prove to her that you indeed can loosen up.. I think is the best you can do!
  • Jun 6, 2008, 09:42 AM
    JBeaucaire
    Yep, space requested must be granted. Stress-free, too. That's the point, right?

    Imagine how much harder these disagreements will be when you each no longer have your respective homes to retreat to? I strongly suggest you reconsider moving in with someone you haven't already worked through everything to the point you are ready to get married.

    And if you're ready to get married, I recommend doing THAT too, THEN move in together.
  • Jun 6, 2008, 09:49 AM
    liz28
    Maybe it is her way of breaking it off or she truly needs space. You might agree or disagre but be hap she asked for this before your move in together. Your seem to not share the same in common when it comes to fun because she likes the night life and you don't and she probulary wants to have fun without having a relationship. You might be hurt but this is the time to reflect if she is what she want because sometimes a break can be permanent not temporary and if she does want you back do you want her back. So just reflect and just know this might be the end, sorry to say that. Have she been acting strange before this? At least you have people on here to help you through this.
  • Jun 6, 2008, 08:11 PM
    talaniman
    Whatever she decides its obvious your way to focused on what she does and not balancing your life out at all, so use this time to work on your issues so that you can be a better partner.

    Poor girl has to breathe you know and your neediness, insecurities and trust issues are not attractive, nor healthy.

    Leave her alone, and deal with yourself, in case she does take a second look.
    If she doesn't then I hope you learned from the experience.

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