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-   -   Things are just not the same (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=223707)

  • Jun 5, 2008, 07:26 PM
    cutie08
    Things are just not the same
    I have a boyfriend who I love with all my heart he is an amamzing guy he is going to Florida with my family and everything. I know that he loves me but I just wish that he showed that he loves me as much as I do I always answer his calls and everything he hardly ever answers mine I always want to be with him no matter what time of day it is and never get mad when he calls me but lately it seems like he never wants to be around me anymore. He has a new job that he has to get up really early in the morning for and therefore he alwas has to be in early now and he is always crabby with me when he comes over because of it. Then he has got this band thing and he is always saying how it comes before me and all I mean I understand that it is his dream but I want to feel like I mean more to him then his gutiar you know what I mean? I don't know maybe I am just being selfish but I really want that more than anything I want one day for him to be like guys I can't have practice I want to be with my girl today and stuff like that. Like when we fisrt started dating ha was always there he always wanted to talk to me and he always wanted to be around me he no matter what and he told me that he would rather be with me then with his friends and I just really wish that it could go back to that again... but whenever I talk to him about it all it does is cause a fight and I don't know how do I tell him about it without him taking it the wrong way please help me I'm going crazyyyyyyy
  • Jun 5, 2008, 07:33 PM
    RedneckMama
    Well, you could always try a little reverse psychology on the guy... Instead of always being so open to his calls, and available to go out whenever he wants... make yourself unavailable (not all the time, but just try it)...
    Try going out with your friends and having a great time... let him hang with the band, let him work and go to bed cranky... you go out, have a good time, and let him see that you CAN and WILL have fun without him...
    Trust me, guys LOVE women who do not hover over them... they love having their own space to hang out with their guy friends, to be tired after working all day, to just do what they want to do...
    Most guys will never give you the attention you want... They don't feel the need to talk as much as we women do, they love us; but they could still be away from us for days at a time and not go crazy missing us...

    I know you probably don't like this advice, but I'm telling you, just try it... Put some distance between yourself and him and see how much more he pays attention to you when you ARE THERE...

    Good luck...
  • Jun 6, 2008, 07:52 AM
    JBeaucaire
    You've dated long enough that you're comfortable together. That means you're behaving normally. You're longing for the time when he didn't behave normally, when he behaved "fake" like when you first start going out with someone and want to convince them to like you, so you overdo the attention in many ways.

    That behavior can't last. It can't last because it's fake.

    Now that you've dated each other long enough to get comfortable, you're supposed to take this time to decide if you two are really good for each other, do you make each other's lives better or not?

    Of course you're both making lists of things you don't like right now, that's NORMAL. But the list isn't to identify the things you don't like that HE needs to change. Nope, your list is to identify the things you don't like and then ask yourself if you can live with those things forever...

    Your list is for YOU, not him. He's not going to change because you're unhappy.

    If you really want him to change, it can happen, but not the way you'd expect. He'll change because his girl is so awesome, so self-confident, so unmovable, so unjealous, so supportive of ALL his dreams and goals, so much his biggest fan, so SO MUCH... he'll want to be around all of that positive energy even more and start to adjust his behaviors to benefit you.

    He does that as a result of your awesome relationship. He won't do it to make you happy, he'll do it because HE's so happy around you he wants more of it... including making you happy. Does that make sense?
  • Jun 6, 2008, 11:06 AM
    hottie_on_line
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by cutie08
    i have a boyfriend who i love with all my heart he is an amamzing guy he is going to florida with my family and everything. i know that he loves me but i just wish that he showed that he loves me as much as i do i always answer his calls and everything he hardly ever answers mine i always wanna be with him no matter what time of day it is and never get mad when he calls me but lately it seems like he never wants to be around me anymore. he has a new job that he has to get up really early in the morning for and therefore he alwas has to be in early now and he is always crabby with me when he comes over because of it. then he has got this band thing and he is always saying how it comes before me and all i mean i understand that it is his dream but i wanna feel like i mean more to him then his gutiar you know what i mean? i dunno maybe i am just being selfish but i really want that more than anything i want one day for him to be like guys i can't have practice i wanna be with my girl today and stuff like that. like when we fisrt started dating ha was always there he always wanted to talk to me and he always wanted to be around me he no matter what and he told me that he would rather be with me then with his friends and i just really wish that it could go back to that again...but whenever i talk to him about it all it does is cause a fight and i dunno how do i tell him about it without him taking it the wrong way please help me im going crazyyyyyyy

    If you don't like where your relashion ship is going just dump him he will mite not under stand but you can start a fresh life

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