Ask Me Help Desk - Dumped for the last time?

My girlfriend of 1 year dumped me this morning, screaming at me not to ever come back and so on. She's 18 and I'm 21.

She is notoriously known by her family and friends for her temper problem and she instantly starts screaming whenever something doesn't please her the way she wants. It's sick, I can't put up with it anymore, today she asked me to help her zip a dress that she was going to wear and the zipper got stuck and she immediately started screaming at me "What the f-ck are you doing you idiot??!" and I got hurt and said sorry (like always), then after gathering some courage I went up to her and said "Don't ever scream at me when I'm only trying to help you out because I can't stand it anymore and it's not okay" And I didn't even have time to finish the sentence before she screamed "Then it's all over, leave, I dont ever want to see you again!!!!" Now the thing is she has done this like 5 times before, and I always come back and she makes it look like I'm the bad guy, and I can't stand it anymore!
IM ALWAYS NICE to her, I drive 20 kilometres 4 times a week to see her but over the past 6 months she's coming to my place maybe 1 time a week because "We never do anything anyway, so why should I come to you?" (Which by the way hurt me A lot because since when is it not enough to just meet up and cuddle, if you love each other?) But I mean, we can't do anything extraordinary because she's busy until 9 p.m. every day, she puts everything else before me!! then she calls me and I always have to come to her, and then I have to leave early in the morning again and on top of this put up with her crazy attitude! She doesn't ever appreciate anything I do for her or buy, or anyway I try to please her! We don't have sex more than a couple times a week now, before it used so be a couple times a day! She has earlier admitted that she's not in love with me, and that she doesn't love me, then she took it back!

Our relationship has been going downhill since the last 6 months or even more, I can't put up with her binge drinking 2-3 times a month when she goes out. I always get to pick her up and she's so damn drunk (after having 6-8 beers or similar) and I feel so damn sad about it, I don't trust her anymore and I feel that I can't have a serious relationship with someone who has to get drunk to have fun, am I wrong to feel this?

Pros about it all:
She's a girlfriend

Cons:
-None of us are happy in this
-I get treated like sh*t
-I don't get anything in return
-I don't think I'm in love with her anymore
-I can't stand having a girlfriend that has to drink to have fun
-My life gets neglected because of the worry I've had for her
-She does whatever she likes without caring for how I feel or react
-I have to walk on eggshells to not upset her(but still do anyway)
AND she never ever wants to talk about our problems to try to come up with any solution or agreement, all she says/screams is "I dont want to talk about this now, today is the wrong day" or "Why talk about it, we never solve anything anyway!!" but I mean how can we ever solve anything when she won't even TRY?
-I've put up and tried accepting her bad mood and screaming and see it as "her" but she won't put up and accept with the fact that I ask her to drink less!
-She doesn't have my back, at a party a few weeks ago her girlfriend (who by the way drinks just as much and is sort of nuts) said to me (while being piss-drunk "You're a psycho, you can't control her and she can drink just as much as she likes and I've always hated you!!", and my girlfriend just sat next and let her say it! I would never ever had let anyone talk to her like that which hurts me a lot to think about :(
-She puts everything else before me

I've had enough, I don't see any future with her and I keep wasting my time, money and emotions on a girl who apparently doesn't think as highly of me and doesn't even appreciate me. People say I look good and I work out regularly, I don't have problem socializing and I feel that the past months I've been looking around at other girls wondering if they would be nice to know etc.. Isn't this a sign I need to finally move on and don't take her back anymore? Sorry for making it all so long. It just feels like I'm so totally wrong and that this is the turning point, I almost feel happy right now because I'm finally "free"!
By the way, I know it's my own fault cause I did everything to please her and put all my efforts/money/emotions into one girl, I will try to not make this mistake ever again cause I've slowly, but steadily lost contact with many friends and also lost a big part of my life and myself and that's just not right.

At least you realize and accept why this relationship not good. She just want to scream instead talking, that' lack of communication, you no longer trust her and see no future with her and changed your life to pleased her and in the process lost contact with some of your friends I would call them because while making her happy you lost yourself and its good you want to find yourself again.

She has anger problems and seems selfish and could be because of her upbringing. It good you stood up for yourself and no longer decided to be her doormat. At least you learned from this and now secure in wants and don't wants. I hope you stick by your decision.

I agree with liz, you see that this is unhealthy and needs to stop now. You deserve better than to be treated that way, I say go No Contact right away and just let it all go and start to heal. You will feel better in no time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burn_Notice

I almost feel happy right now because I'm finally "free"!

Hold that thought! She's a selfish, immature brat and you're better off without her.

Thanks for the support, it really helps to hear that I'm doing the right thing, it also feels like I am doing the right thing but something keeps leading my thoughts back to her, but that's inevitable I think, I just need to get through this, I know she is out partying and it feels harsh to think about what happens - BUT, I mustn't sacrifice my emotions and energy on things that are out of my boundaries, out of my control, cause that's just 100% wasted for nothing. Better to focus on what is within my control.. I think getting rid of her from my life will make me feel better again. But tonight she's going out and I can't stop thinking about what might happen :( Heeeelp

Hi BN,

I know it's hard, but please try and not think about what might happen. Unfortunately, that won't get you anywhere in your healing. You deserve so much better than her, she obviously is quite abusive, and self centered. You are better off without her.

You are doing the right thing.. You don't deserve to be treated like... This is an unhealthy relationship so be glad its over!. Move on because there are many nice girls out there...
& thinking about her that's deff inevitable.. but you'll get used to it.. It'll be hard at first, but it gets easier with time.. get in contact with your old friends and make new ones as well..
And about tonight: go to the movies, go out, have fun, play video games.. go to a friends house, study... idk... anything to get your mind off thinking about what she's doing...

You can't help but think about it but there is a great quote for this situation from of all things, a Fall Out Boy song "What you do on your own time is just fine, my imaginations much worse"

She's going out, get the crew together and hit the town hard tonight man! Take this deep breathe of fresh freedom air(ahh it tastes good) and get out there!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

fresh freedom air(ahh it tastes good)!!

IT does taste good!! :D

Got a call from her this evening, I asked her if she meant what she said this morning and she answered that she meant it and she doesn't want to be with me anymore.. damn.. and that's really what my mind wants too, to break up... but my heart keeps hurting and reminding me of her, I just feel the URGE to call or text her but I know its so wrong! :(
I got it bad..

Hi BN,

It will take time for your heart to catch up to your head. I know this is the toughest thing. You think and replay the whole situation and break-up over and over, and sometimes you realize it is for the best, but because your heart is broken, it makes it so hard. Just take it day by day, BN. And try not contacting her, let this be...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burn_Notice

By the way, I know it's my own fault cause I did everything to please her and put all my efforts/money/emotions into one girl, I will try to not make this mistake ever again cause I've slowly, but steadily lost contact with many friends and also lost a big part of my life and myself and that's just not right.

Whoa, Nellie! Don't let psycho-girl teach you the wrong thing. When you are in a relationship you DO pour all the appropriate attentions into that one girl. Just don't pour ALL of your attention into her, as you've properly noted, attention that should be going to all the other wonderful and important parts of your life.

If the girl is the only thing you have going, you two are in trouble from the start. Make sure she's a "part" of your well-rounded existence, OK?

SIDEBAR: I love that show, Burn Notice. Funny and fun! [end sidebar]

Eeeesh, every time you need a reason not to call her or text her just look at your pros and cons list.

Darlin, if you want drama, I'm sure there are a bunch of local community theatres in your area... you honestly seem like too sweet of a person to be dealing with this type of drama in your personal life. That type of stuff only belongs on stage... not in real life.

Your heart hurts because you loved her. You spent time loving her. You gave of yourself for her. You put up with her drama. Your heart is hurt because of the depth of your love. That is a beautiful thing. Sad, but beautiful. One day, you'll find a beautiful woman that will appreciate the depth of love that you can give - and she will return that love in like fashion.

You deserve so much more. Remember that. And catch a show... :)

Quote:

Now the thing is she has done this like 5 times before, and I always come back and she makes it look like I'm the bad guy, and I can't stand it anymore!

Dude, you have a very high pain threshold. But now its time to celebrate, that's what I did when I was kicked to the curb by a drop dead gorgeous psychopath, after less than an hour of knowing her.