Newly Married, Pregnant and marriage is in jeopardy
I'm so distraught right now, I'm not even sure what to do. I've been married a few months, and have a baby on the way. My husband and I do not get along at all. This has been going on since before the wedding. We argue and fight so much that my nerves are shot. I'm constantly having to yell and defend myself verbally, and these days physically. Thank god for self defense lessons. Yes, I know its scary. I literally go into combat verbally daily about the stupidest most minute things. When it escalates, I find I'm throwing things, or throwing punches. I am mortified by my own behavior, but I feel as though I have no choice. I'm tired of crying all the time, and being told I am nothing . I'm tired of being reminded that I have nothing. I hate feeling helpless because I can't financially support myself right now. The funny part is I don't even understand how an educated woman with multiple degrees married to a doctor wound up in a situation like this. Constantly fighting especially while pregnant. I didn't sign up for all this. By the time I knew he was a complete ***, it was too late to cancel the wedding, I was pregnant, and was faced with the dilemma of either being a single mom, shame my family, humiliate myself, or pray and hope things improve. In the few short months we've been married we don't sleep in the same room anymore. He threatens not to come home. I've tried everything I know to resolve this. But, we can't seem to talk to one another without yelling. I've tried it all including talking, writing letters pleading that we try and resolve things, I've begged that we go to counseling which he refuses to attend, I've tried ignoring him, I've tried driving or getting away from the situation, I've even purchased a plane ticket to separate for a few weeks. I have sought advice from my mother, who offers no support whatsoever. When I call my mother for advice, she tells me "I told you so, I knew he was no good for you, and you always told me that you would never marry a man like your father, well deal with your husband you can't come back here". I don't know if its Karma, or mere stupidity that blinded me to marry this ***. I can't even use dignified language to describe the daily torture and fits of anguish and despair I feel when around him. I feel so so bad for this baby. I feel like the worst mom to be in the world. I'm constantly unhappy, I cry daily, and I contemplate thoughts of suicide, but would never follow through because its not my baby's fault I got myself into this. I can't seem to make myself happy. I try reading, watching TV, when I get on the phone he overhears me and we fight about that. But now, I need some advice, I quit my job to move our of state with him, I have no friends or family in the area, I used a large part of my savings to pay for the wedding, my parents won't take me in, I'm embarrassed and too ashamed to call anyone to ask for help, and I'm on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Someone please help me figure out what to do.