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-   -   He's a virgin (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=222870)

  • Jun 3, 2008, 04:35 PM
    tigeroo868
    He's a virgin
    Hi this is my first time on a site like this!!

    I met a man through work about a year ago who is kind, thoughtful and thinks the world of me the first few months I declined any dates. Then recently I met him at a function and there was a spark between us since then we have met up a couple of times..

    He told me he was a virgin and it scared the hell out of me as I am not!!

    Im not sure if I see it has a turn off or that it makes him really special I'm terrified about how to go about things and I sort of don't feel worthy...

    Any advice would be most appreciated thank you :)
  • Jun 3, 2008, 04:47 PM
    hjpan
    I would be surprised if my future girlfriends or wives are virgins.

    Majority of the people are brainwashed with sex-trend...

    If he does not want to have sex, then don't force him.
  • Jun 3, 2008, 09:52 PM
    simoneaugie
    If he truly is a virgin, then you have plenty to teach him. Be a good teacher for the rest of us girls. If he's a keeper, you can teach him to be a perfect lover for you.
  • Jun 4, 2008, 07:34 AM
    kp2171
    "worthy" is a problematic word for me.

    It places a stigma on both being a virgin and not being a virgin, and while I'm not one to say keeping your virginity until you are mentally and physically ready to have sex is a bad idea, I also think the potential to make this an issue is a shame.

    Its simple. You enter this relationship and you know the level of sexual activity he's been engaged in. you don't know what's next. He might still hold to this position, seeing sex as something that should be between people who have a deeper connection than he's had so far, or he might be ready to let go. Was his telling you a "warning" (this isn't on the table) or was it simple "honesty" (this is where I've been)?

    Well only he can answer that. Up to you to decide if you can get over this.

    Yes... I'm a better lover now than I was years ago because of experience, education, and partners who were willing to talk to me about sex, their needs, and what worked and didn't. So is he "behind" or lacking in knowledge and skills? I think its unfair to take that approach.

    Some of the best knowledge I've gained about sex didn't come from a book, journal, or report. It came from women who were strong enough and confident enough in their sexuality that they were willing to talk about what they needed.

    If you are confident enough to do so, and if your relationship progresses to that place, instead of finding him "unskilled" you might very well find him "trainable". The first step to any man being a good lover has nothing to do with his genitals. It has to do with his ability to focus on his partner and listen to her.

    So... id hate to think you didn't give a guy a shot because he's great in all ways but untested in bed. But if you are losing sleep over it, walk away. Its OK if you don't want the hassle, but really... is a guy whose slept with others any guarantee of being a good lover?

    You just don't know how well the parachute works until you've already jumped out of the plane.

    And stop with the "worthy" bit. Sex with my wife is no less meanigful even though wed had other lovers before. "worthy" should not be in this discussion.
  • Jun 4, 2008, 11:17 AM
    Choux
    Do you think he has chosen you to be the lady who teaches him about sex? :):):) I do.

    This is a great responsibility; he will never forget you as long as he lives if you are kind and gentle and enthusiastic. :)

    Love life!
  • Jun 8, 2008, 05:39 PM
    Credendovidis
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tigeroo868
    Hi this is my first time on a site like this!!!! I met a man through work about a year ago who is kind, thoughtful and thinks the world of me the first few months i declined any dates. Then recently i met him at a function and there was a spark between us since then we have met up a couple of times.. He told me he was a virgin and it scared the hell out of me as i am not!!! Im not sure if i see it has a turn off or that it makes him really special im terrified about how to go about things and i sort of dont feel worthy...
    any advice would be most appreciated thank you :)
    Just let it go the easy way. Don't draw up differences between you two. Just enjoy yourselves in your relation. Do you know WHY he still is a virgin? Can be moral or religious based ! Or there can be a physical reason. Give him time.
    Don't worry about you yourself not be a virgin. At least not on this moment. Give him time and let him take the initiative. When he does not do that within reasonable time ( I refer here to months, not days), just ask him how he thinks about sexual contacts before marriage.
    At any time later you can tell him about your own history. That is not a problem at this moment, so don't make it one.

    Good luck with you two!
  • Jun 10, 2008, 09:49 PM
    hannah_banana91
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tigeroo868
    Hi this is my first time on a site like this!!!!

    I met a man through work about a year ago who is kind, thoughtful and thinks the world of me the first few months i declined any dates. Then recently i met him at a function and there was a spark between us since then we have met up a couple of times..

    He told me he was a virgin and it scared the hell out of me as i am not!!!

    Im not sure if i see it has a turn off or that it makes him really special im terrified about how to go about things and i sort of dont feel worthy...

    any advice would be most appreciated thank you :)
    Number 1... it is not your decision on if you are worthy or not... its HIS
    Number 2... I took my boyfriends virginity and I wasn't a virgin. We have been together almost two years since then.
    Number 3... dont be scared just because he's a virgin.. this can actually be a good thing... no stds or crabs or anything like that... also... it means he will probably treat you how you are meant to be treated
  • Jun 10, 2008, 11:38 PM
    hjpan
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hannah_banana91
    number 1...it is not your decision on if you are worthy or not...its HIS
    number 2...i took my boyfriends virginity and i wasnt a virgin. we have been together almost two years since then.
    number 3...dont be scared just because hes a virgin..this can actually be a good thing...no stds or crabs or anything like that...also...it means he will probably treat you how you are meant to be treated

    Number 3 is false.

    Virgins can carry STDs due to genetics.
  • Jun 10, 2008, 11:53 PM
    tjoquinn
    Go with the flow.., don't jump the gun... just because he is showing interest doesn't mean anything is going to happen right away... and when the time comes if it does... Enjoy being the teacher and let him enjoy his moment to "Disneyland"... it's something to smile about., and,, you will forever be etched in his heart! Wink wink
  • Jun 11, 2008, 06:50 AM
    kp2171
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hjpan
    Virgins can carry STDs due to genetics.
    Exactly which Sexually Transmitted Disease is encoded in DNA??

    Mother to child tranmission can occur at birth or through the placenta before, but this is infectious transmission tied to physical contact or fluid exchange, NOT genetic disposition. Big, big difference.
  • Jun 11, 2008, 05:38 PM
    hjpan
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kp2171
    exactly which Sexually Transmitted Disease is encoded in DNA?!?!

    mother to child tranmission can occur at birth or through the placenta before, but this is infectious transmission tied to physical contact or fluid exchange, NOT genetic disposition. big, big difference.
    That was what I meant.. maybe my mind was full of Civil War readings... lol

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