How did it get so messed up?
Okay I am new here but I need some advice from outside the box. I am 24 years old and was married to a man that still has my heart and I can't get over him, not so complicated huh. We met on our way to Iraq when we got put in the same unit, it was as if we had known each other way before then, he was my best friend. We were on separate camps while overseas and saw each other seven times the whole deployment. We returned and six months after getting back we got married, it was tough getting to know each other all over again but we loved each other and it did not matter. Times were very tough but we never judged each other for things done while gone.
I am a motivated person in my life and will say that I did better for the adjustment getting back into the groove of a normal life, him not so great. I had a job with the military waiting for after the deployment so we were financially covered. I put him through CDL school and that didn't work out, he couldn't keep a job and went through 9 of them within the first year. My job was temporary and when my orders ended I couldn't support us both. That caused major problems neither one of us ever cheated we just drifted apart, I couldn't deal with his carelesness and he couldn't deal with my pushing. For the lack of better judgement there was a lot of resentment on my part I realize that know.
He ended up moving on within a month of us splitting up and that was fine with me, he was ready I wasn't, I needed time to heal my loss. I finally decided to give dating a chance and had my rebound as they call it, didn't last long. All the time he was still calling me and telling me that he had changed and that he still loved me but I still had too much resentment towards him. I am not going to lie I had hoped that one day our paths would cross again. He ended up getting his girl pregnant and marrying her and I was okay with that to. I ended up beginning a serious relationship with the man that I am with now and carrying his child. The thing is I love the man in my life, but it is no where near what I feel towards my ex-husband. When my ex found out that I was pregnant he called and congradulated me, and I wanted some closure so I asked him what went wrong, and he admitted that he had f***ed up and that I was the only one he loved and that he would leave his family for another chance. I am not the homewrecker type and I told him that we made our bed and we have to lie in it.
The man that I am with is a good man and for the most part good to me. We have our problems like everyone else. I don't know but about a month before I found out I was pregnant, its like we changed, we became friends instead of a couple, he stays out late with his friends and even though my mind wander I am not one to assume anything. I love him but I am not in love with him and the same for him. He is staying around for our child and I told him that he didn't have to feel confided if he didn't want to stay, he would be able to see his child anytime he wanted to and I won't ask for child support because I am very financially stable with my current job of two years, good insurance and benefits. We have been engaged for a while but both of us know we will never get married. I know it sound really jacked up and it is.
So as you can see I have no idea how it got all messed up like this, I don't regret having this child that I will be bringing into the world, it is my blood and will be loved until I draw my last breath. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and am probably the only one that has messed things up to this extent. I do appreciate you taking the time to read my book...
