Ask Me Help Desk - Mentally abusive relationship need to get out with my child

I live in Virginia with my boyfriend and our 10 month old daughter. He didn't want me to have the baby from the day that he found out that I was pregnant. He was always asking me to have an abortion. I didn't hence the reason that we have a 10 month old daughter. I thought that parenthood would make him into a better person. I thought that he would want to spend time with me and our daughter and make us a family. This didn't happen. He moved to a small town in Virginia where the economy is terrible. He had to be close to his job which he quit. He has had no job for more of our relationship than he has had a job. I was depressed and wanted his help with our child and her care. He told me that he was paying the house payment and that was enough. I have all of the other responsibilities. He tells me that if I want something that I can sell my car. I left him once just shy of her being one month old because he told me that I could live with him but we couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend he told me that I had no choices. He also accused me of stealing his wallet and so I left with our daughter. I was a new mother and scared. I then had him press charges against me for a warrant in debt because the wall at the house got messed up when I moved out. I paid for that but he will use it in court. I went back to him because I didn't want to lose my daughter. I dropped custody filings and lived with him until the next week when he found a paper for IRS fraud on my computer. He then started going off on me and threatened to kill my brother. I was scared and left while he was at work. I filed for custody again. I was suffering from post partum depression and very confused about the "proper" thing to do. I went back. Since then I have suffered mental abuse every day. He won't let me go out by myself. He quit his job and stayed at home for 3 months. He just went back to work but I get no help from him. I struggle to pay for everything. It would be much easier if I just had to support me and my daughter. Oh yeah, he has also called the cops on me 2 times. He has lied and told them that I hit him. He also told them that I stole his passport from him. I didn't do any of that. I just want out. I just need to know my chances of getting my daughter with him trying to prove me unfit. By the way, he has called social services on me. He has plenty of money. Will Virginia give him custody of our daughter even though I am still nursing her and giving her all of the care.

I can not say weather he could get custody or not because I do not know all the facts. I do know that in the state of Virginia it is very hard for a mother to lose custody unless it is to the extreme. I live in Virginia and my husband is a police officer and have seen many mothers who need to lose their kids, end up keeping them. The courts usually try to give them every chance and opportunity to keep their kids. You can call Family violence hotline @ 1-800-838-8238, Child abuse and neglect hotline @ 1-800-552-7096. There is also Family resource center Inc. @ 276-228-7141, all these places could help you leave or point you in the right direction for help. Any abuse by anyone to another is not right, and there is ways out of it. Now for legal you could try calling Southwest Virginia legal aid society @ 1-800-277-6754. If you qualify (financially) they may be able to help you with custody, and other legal matters. Virginia also has shelters for abused woman and children that has programs to get you into your own place, educational opportunities and emotional help, the numbers above should be able to direct you if that is what you want. Hope this helps and good luck, also please remember this is just my opinion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephanie808

I live in Virginia with my boyfriend and our 10 month old daughter. He didn't want me to have the baby from the day that he found out that I was pregnant. He was always asking me to have an abortion. I didn't hence the reason that we have a 10 month old daughter. I thought that parenthood would make him into a better person. I thought that he would want to spend time with me and our daughter and make us a family. This didn't happen. He moved to a small town in Virginia where the economy is terrible. He had to be close to his job which he quit. He has had no job for more of our relationship than he has had a job. I was depressed and wanted his help with our child and her care. He told me that he was paying the house payment and that was enough. I have all of the other responsibilities. He tells me that if I want something that I can sell my car. I left him once just shy of her being one month old because he told me that I could live with him but we couldn't be boyfriend and girlfriend he told me that I had no choices. He also accused me of stealing his wallet and so I left with our daughter. I was a new mother and scared. I then had him press charges against me for a warrent in debt because the wall at the house got messed up when I moved out. I paid for that but he will use it in court. I went back to him because I didn't want to lose my daughter. I dropped custody filings and lived with him until the next week when he found a paper for irs fraud on my computer. He then started going off on me and threatened to kill my brother. I was scared and left while he was at work. I filed for custody again. I was suffering from post partum depression and very confused about the "proper" thing to do. I went back. Since then I have suffered mental abuse every day. He won't let me go out by myself. He quit his job and stayed at home for 3 months. He just went back to work but I get no help from him. I struggle to pay for everything. It would be much easier if I just had to support me and my daugher. Oh yeah, he has also called the cops on me 2 times. He has lied and told them that I hit him. He also told them that I stole his passport from him. I didn't do any of that. I just want out. I just need to know my chances of getting my daughter with him trying to prove me unfit. By the way, he has called social services on me. He has plenty of money. Will Virginia give him custody of our daughter even though I am still nursing her and giving her all of the care.

My quick guess - no, you won't lose custody. You "usually" don't lose custody unless the child is in danger of being injured, emotionally or physically.

You should get out of this relationship, though, by whatever means it takes.

My ex husband was the same way with me, except he took me to court for custody of our child to keep me from leaving and then told me over and over again that I had no rights to my child and that I was only a mother when he said so. I lived in constent fear that I would never see my child again. It took me 6 years to get way from him and I am still left trying to get my child away from him because he has done everything he can to keep me out of that child's life because he has remarried and his new wife is only with him because of my child.
I don't really know what to say to help you because I can't even help myself but mental anf verble abuse can be just as bad if not worst then being beaten up every night. People need to see and understand that and if I was you I wouold find anyway you can to get away before your story turns out like mine.

This is from 2008 - there are more recent questions which could use your help.

Please keep an eye on the dates. The only people who are notified that you have posted on an old thread are the people who posted before you.