A few weeks ago, I met a girl and hung out with her a few times recently. She seems to have a magnetic quality which draws me to her. We have a lot in common, she is very pretty, and our conversations come very easy. She tells me what I nice guy I am and my friends comment on how much she flirts with me. She is almost always the 1 to initiate communication.

The bad is that she is getting out of a long term relationship (she BU with the guy, and he won't leave her alone.) I also found out the other night she has a FWB (who she does not want to date) We went out the other night and she was acting very "couply" and flirty with me. She had too much to drink, and on the way home she started to kiss me and made it clear she wanted more. I told her I didn't feel comfortable doing more because she was too drunk. I didn't want her to do something she regretted. She got kind of peeved and left my car and went to her house.

The next day she made it pretty clear she was sorry for acting like that. She said "I am glad you are a good guy because its probably not a good time. But I do really like hanging out with you though."

I am wondering what I should do next? I would like to possibly explore a relationship with her (after she finally kicks out her ex and stops the fwb thing) but I also don't want to wait around and get hurt in her complex situation. Should I let her contact me next? She usually always asks me out to do stuff, or would it be OK if I asked her to do something casual with me tomorrow night since I will be out of town for the next week or so and should I let her know that I just want to be friends with her until she gets rid of the fwb thing?

Don't pressure her, but don't give in on your minimum needs, either.

Let her know you like her, too, but will only be her friend until such time as she's ready to try something significant with you exclusively. You don't date "for sport"... and if she does, she is free to continue, you just won't play with her that way.

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Don't pressure her, but don't give in on your minimum needs, either.

Let her know you like her, too, but will only be her friend until such time as she's ready to try something significant with you exclusively. You don't date "for sport"... and if she does, she is free to continue, you just won't play with her that way.

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Good advice. She is going through a lot right now, so I do not want to pressure her. I am leaving for 5 days come this thurs, I was thinking of inviting her out wed night to do something low pressure, like "helping me to shop for clothes" or even out for a bit to eat or something like that.

I will talk to her about the other night, and tell her that I really like her but I won't get involved in such a complex situation, but when her situation simplifies, then I'd be interested in more than just friends.

She usually does the inviting out, so me asking her is very different for a change.

Thoughts?

Hi Brain,

I think it is a good idea to let her contact you first. It seems that she has a great deal of baggage (ex BF, and the FWB) and she needs to get rid of all of that in order for you two to have a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to you at all for all of these things to be present, especially when you want to have a committed relationship with her.

I would say that letting her come to you is probably in your best interests. Girls like the chase and if you constantly call/text her, she will see you as desperate and needy. So take it easy, enjoy this time. If you feel as though she wants to pursue something with you, that she needs to cut ties with the FWB, but you can't do that if she just wants to see how things are. It's a delicate situation because she won't want to have a rebound guy, so don't be that guy

Friends shop together.
Friends eat together.

But so do couples. It's up to YOU to keep the tone of these outings solidly in the friend zone. Other than that, why not? Have a good time and have a good trip.

Darlin, you have the potential to be the next FWB... you don't deserve that.

Maybe some day she will be ready for a real relationship (one that you could give her), but not now.

I agree with all the above. She's pretty much getting attention from all sides, the ex, the booty call, and you. She may well be confused but she is not handling it properly at all, she wants attention.

I'd say let her come to you proper, not only do I mean not contacting her but also spending too much time with her until she irons out all these issues. Easy for me to say of course, however, you do have a liking towards her and perhaps cannot see what pursuing her now will lead too. The ex calling, wondering if she did indeed end things with the FWB, she's running to you after a break up will she do the same if you guys have problems??

Not the right time mate, unless you think you can handle all of that.

I think I will ask her to to meet up with me for a quick bite or something and kind of casually mention that I am up for being friends with her, but not any more as long as she has her fwb.

Thanks for the advice all. I don't want a relationship with her anytime in the next couple of weeks or anything like that (she DOES have too much baggage) and does need to iron things out. She's told me that she has a fear of being alone, and I think in many ways, she does like the attention given.

IDK if it would be a good idea to hang out with her before my trip and just let her know where I stand (nothing more than friends as long as she has her fwb + things settle down for her)

I guess it just made me feel good to have an attractive girl acting all "couply" with me after my last BU

My now current ex and I started dating a month and a bit after her and her b/f of two years broke up... And coming from experience I can say that it made for one hell of a roller coaster first 4 months. She wasn't over that relationship, and like your girl was seeking attention form guys. I caught her in a lot of situations that were pretty inappropriate with other guys, as well as her still talking and meeting with her ex behind my back. I went through and put up with a lot of , and trust me its not worth it... she turned out to be a waste of time anyway. Just let her sort things out first, she will probably need a few months at least. Protect yourself.

Hi Brian,

I can understand feeling good about someone hanging out with you after your recent break up. If you want, communicate to her before you go away that you aren't ready right now and you definatley wouldn't if she still had the fwb. I think it's good if you communicate to her exactly what you are feeling and your concerns/thoughts. This way everything is out in the open, and most importantly you are being fair to you!

She seems to have her plate full at the moment and I think if you continue to hang around her your be setting your own self up. Your feelings might deepen while she won't any for you. She needs to clean off her plate and only she can do that because like you said is she worth you getting hurt physically or emotionally?

Good ideas from everyone. TY. It is hard, but I guess I will give her time. I will let her contact me next and see if she can start to clean up her own life.