Ask Me Help Desk - Not sure about what he wants

HI
I'm in a relationship with a guy I care for very much. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 months. We get along great, we don't argue, we talk about problems and work them out. That is always what I looked for in a man. The problem is he says he cares for me a lot and has told me eventually he wants me to move in with him to find out if it will work out between us. He tells me he's scared because of the feelings that he is having for me and that he likes his piece and quite but that he also wants me to. He has been single for a long time and tells me he has never been in a long term relationship before and that this is new to him and it scares him. I ask him how he feels and he says he's not sure if he loves me but he cares very much for me. He does things to annoy me like talks about other women. I am kind of jealous and he knows this but he continues to say things to me like he wants to move someplace warm where women run around naked or that he has 3 blonds in his closet and that if we watch any movies they have to have boobs and butt ( not in those words) this hurts me that he talks like this. I don't know if he cares for me or not. We talk on the phone everyday and see each other when we can we both work different shifts he works mornings and I work evenings he never tells me anything nice like I look pretty today or anything like that and when I ask him about it he says what do you think. He tells me he won't cheat on me but the way he talks to me I'm not sure. Am I just being insecure or is he just a disrespectful man and I should look else where for happiness. He keeps telling me I could find better then him and that the thing that attracted him to me was that I'm a very kind and caring person and honest and that was what he has always looked for well he's got it but I don't understand why he wants to hurt me or tell me he cares about me and give mixed signals we get along great and have a good relationship and that scares him to advice please thank you

If you can't read the message between the lines let me spell them out for you... he wants you to split up with him.. you hear the clues.. he says stuff to make you feel bad about yourself, the "you could do better"... thats the cowards way of saying "this aint working out sweetheart but im to much of a coward to break up with you so if you want out than you do it and i 'll play victim so other women feel sorry for me"... be friends with him if you want but don't go any further with this guy IMO

I think your feelings are different from what this guy is feeling towards you! You state that he says that he is unsure if he loves you, but claims he likes you... I think this guy just wants you as a good friend and maybe if things work out a little more, but some time down the line.

Have you asked yourself, why this man has been single for such along time? Is it because he can't give up the lifestyle of being single? Is it because he treats women bad?

I would say you need to have a good talk together and see where things are going !

HI,
Don't let him move in with you, or you with him. Moving in with any man doesn't have anything to do with love.
If you have a relationship with a man, it will still be there, regardless of whether you live with him or not.
Give this relationship some time, because it doesn't sound like it's going anywhere for you. I would meet other men. I do wish you the best of luck.

Dear, there are too many things that he does that bother you, and if you really are serious about a long-term relationship with him, you will have to get over these issues or find a way to cope with them.

But, instead of moving in with him permanently, i.e. giving up your apartment, don't.

If at all possible, keep your place, and try a trial period of staying with him 24/7 for a while to see if at all compatible.
If there are too many things that get on your nerves, this will probably not change - but he might have other qualities that will slowly show and you might decide to overlook some of the others. But leaving all roads behind you closed to you will only make you miserable and give you no way out in the future - then what will you feel like.

It's too early in your life to give up everything unless he's willing to give up some things also - so again, a trial period would be your best option.

This will also show him that you do keep your options open and maybe he will try harder to prove that he is worth your time and effort. He needs to realize how valuable you will be to him before he makes up his mind, and probably will seek reassurance from you to help him get over his past and you might be able to do so, but it's your choice.

I hope you make the right choice - but no man is worth giving up your goals and other things in your life that are important unless he's willing to meet you half-way. There is still a lot of communication due both of you to iron things out.

Wishing you a lot of luck and please keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif If the things we want to change in a person out-weigh the things we appreciate - then it might be the wrong one..

This guy has a lot of issues and appears to be too immature for a real relationship at this time. In my opinion moving in with him now would be a disaster. Give him time and keep the lines of communications open and see what happens in say a year or so till he gets his head together. You must be patient and not rush into a situation that you really can't tell if it will work out or not.:cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by pandabear

HI
im in a relationship with a guy i care for very much. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 months. We get along great, we dont argue, we talk about problems and work them out. That is always what i looked for in a man. The problem is he says he cares for me alot and has told me eventually he wants me to move in with him to find out if it will work out between us. He tells me hes scared because of the feelings that he is having for me and that he likes his piece and quite but that he also wants me to. He has been single for a long time and tells me he has never been in a long term relationship before and that this is new to him and it scares him. I ask him how he feels and he says hes not sure if he loves me but he cares very much for me. He does things to annoy me like talks about other women. I am kinda of jealous and he knows this but he continues to say things to me like he wants to move someplace warm where women run around naked or that he has 3 blonds in his closet and that if we watch any movies they have to have boobs and butt ( not in those words) this hurts me that he talks like this. I dont know if he cares for me or not. We talk on the phone everyday and see each other when we can we both work different shifts he works mornings and i work evenings he never tells me anything nice like i look pretty today or anything like that and when i ask him about it he says what do you think. He tells me he wont cheat on me but the way he talks to me im not sure. Am i just being insecure or is he just a disrespectful man and i should look else where for happiness. He keeps telling me i could find better then him and that the thing that attracted him to me was that im a very kind and caring person and honest and that was what he has always looked for well hes got it but i dont understand why he wants to hurt me or tell me he cares about me and give mixed signals we get along great and have a good relationship and that scares him to advice please thankyou

Honey,if he's telling you that you could do better than him he's basically saying to you that he doesn't want o be with you.

And you know what you deserve so much better than what this jerk has to offer. He obviously doesn't care about your feelings when he talks about other woman just to make you upset,, that's called emotional abuse. To say yes I care about you then turn around and talk about woman in the manner he does that bothers you is pretty nasty. He doesn't care about you, a real man wouldn't treat you like that at all. Get rid of him your so much better off.