Hi I am currently having trouble with my girlfriend. We have been together for 2 1/2 years. I am planning to move from my current home in Colorado to go to school in mooresville, nc. I am going to school nothing is changing that. I started planning this a year ago, and she has planned to go with me. Now she tells me that she can't do it that it is forcing her to choose between me and everything else in her life. I feel like if she loves me as much as she says she does that it should come with pain but she should still choose me. I told her to make the choice that she feels is right and I would support it. She chose to go but its becoming a everyday thing. One day she wants to go the next she can't stomach to think about it. Now she is pushing herself so far away from me that I haven't seen her in awhile and I just don't know what to do. We fight all the time now, but I love her so much that I am scared to do this without her. I know I could but I am moving in 6 weeks, and if she doesn't go it changes everyplan I had. I really more than anything need help finding what to do.
Thank you.

If you have been dating in high school for 2 plus years, and are now going to college, this can be a bigger issue. Also if you two are not living together this is going to be a change also.

But I will tell you something, if two people really are in love, nothing will keep them apart. When I meet my wife, she was living 300 plus miles away. I sold my home, quit my job and moved, not having the slightest idea where I would work. So this is how love works.

Why "should" this girl have to choose you. I mean I understand that you guys have been dating 2+ years, and you love each other and all but you have to understand your making her choose between you and a life that she already has there. Can you honestly blame her?
She sounds like she's having some major anxiety over this, and probably the only reason why she's going back and forth with her feeling about it, is that she doesn't want to let you down but honestly, I really don't think she wants to go and by pulling away from you seems like the easiest thing for her instead of talking to you about it.
These things can't be one sided. You can't say that "she should just choose me" because its not all about you. Have you thought about just moving to S.C without her and let her make up her mind a little later on? That may be the best bet. I think that you have to give her time.

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Originally Posted by ultrasplif

Hi I am currently having trouble with my girlfriend. We have been together for 2 1/2 years. I am planning to move from my current home in colorado to go to school in mooresville, nc. I am going to school nothing is changing that. I started planning this a year ago, and she has planned to go with me. Now she tells me that she can't do it that it is forcing her to choose between me and everything else in her life. I feel like if she loves me as much as she says she does that it should come with pain but she should still choose me. I told her to make the choice that she feels is right and i would support it. she chose to go but its becoming a everyday thing. One day she wants to go the next she can't stomach to think about it. Now she is pushing herself so far away from me that i havent seen her in awhile and i just dont know what to do. We fight all the time now, but i love her so much that i am scared to do this without her. I know i could but I am moving in 6 weeks, and if she doesn't go it changes everyplan i had. I really more than anything need help finding what to do.
thank you.

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First and foremost, your education should come first. Once you have that degree, no one could ever take it away from you, I repeat, NO ONE. But sad to say that a lot of people can take your girl away from you, especially those ones who make a lot of money (because they have what it takes to make a lot of money... college degree), rides flashy cars, and live in big houses with maids. Think hard, you are talking about your future. You are not even married yet. She is still free to find "Mr. Right". The reason why our head is above our heart is, that we should use it first. The way your girlfriend is acting right now is normal. She has the separation anxiety, which is common among military spouses who are facing separation when one spouse is scheduled for deployment. If you are meant for each other, you will get married to each other. Do not force fate. If you do, chances are you might end up not marrying your girlfriend and worse, NO COLLEGE DEGREE, well there's a lot of MacDonalds and Burger King around where you can flip burgers for a living. Be responsible, if you want to be able to support a family, listen to your head. If your girlfriend doesn't see it your way, which is very reasonable such as education, I guess she doesn't care about your future. If she decides to leave you, believe me, it will only take a couple of weeks crying and you won't die of a broken heart. I surely hope this helps, for it is your FUTURE.

I have offered for her to stay here, it just choked her up and made her even more anxious. She tells me that I'm mr. right all the time, I have been out of hs for 2 years now and I didn't like the way things were like this. So I chose to go back to school to get and education. So I am 20 and she is 19. I try to make it clear to her that I will support whatever she decides, I just need to know so I can get a roommate and all that good stuff. If she doesn't go and things don't work out, I will get over it. That's life you know, I get the feeling that the biggest dispute we are having is because I have figured out what I want in my life and she hasn't and I believe that makes her feel left out. I don't know how many times I have heard I'm putting my dream above her. Any way it is kind of late and I better be getting to bed I got to go work early 2morow. I appreciate all the help very deeply.
Thank you
Kyle

Let her make her choice. Leave her in home town, move to new place, when you are settled there, invite her and show the new place. If she likes you and new place, she will move. If by time you settle down, you are still together, she has a choice, if you already break up, well, there is no more problem

HI, Ultra,
You are 20 yrs old, with the rest of your life ahead of you. I am 64, and at 20 yrs old, attended my first large University. My high school sweetheart, which I thought later we would be together for life, went to another University. A year later, she wrote and told me she had found someone else!
After a year, I met another girl, and 4 yrs later, were married. It ended in Divorce after 7 yrs. Then, 3 yrs after that, re-married, now for 29 yrs.
After telling you all that, it just shows there are no guarantees in life with relationships! I got luck with the most wonderful woman I have ever known, and am still married for 29 yrs.
There is no guarantee that if she does move with you to college, she will stay in a "love" relationship with you. There is no guarantee that if you stay with her, not go to college, she will still be there for you.
GO TO COLLEGE, whether she goes or not. You are talking about the rest of your life. I do wish you the very best, and hope all turns out OK.

When it comes to your future you have the right to be selfish.When it comes to your g/f you have no right to tell her what to do.At 20 you have decisions to make that affect the rest of your life,so make them and let the chips fall where they may good luck!

Thank you guys it has helped a lot... gives me some more angles to think about.. but she still promises to go with she just said its really hard to want to. Which I totally understand. We have a plan to take out a lease on a 2 bedroom apartment out there. Since my school doesn't have dorms. We are going to try things that way and the 2nd bedroom is in case she does leave and I need a roommate which is easy to get where I'm going. That way she has all of her options open

She realizes she is moving for YOU and not her - she needs to do what's best for HER and not you.

Unfortuntately MANY a break-up occur because of school. It's part of life's lessons.

Age 20 is WAY too young to be moving in together. This is a mistake and there already are issues.

You need to go to school and she needs to do what's best for her.

It's like everything is geared towards you.

Although I agree that it's important that people be willing to make committed decisions and stand by them, I have to wonder why it's necessary for you to go to school so far away? Keep in mind that this is a two-way street. You expect her to abandon all and follow you but what about the choice you're making to leave eveyone and everything behind just to go to school? I know that there are schools in Colorado. Unless you're attending a highly specialized, one-of-a-kind institution, then I think there's more here than meets the eye. I'd do some deep soul-searching to find out just what your priorities are and whether the expectations you're imposing on your girlfriend are realistic.

This school happens to be a one of a kind school and was very very hard for me to get into. I have told her several times to do what she thinks is best for. I am attending nascar technical institute. I will support whatever she decides, and how she feels. Right now I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. She keeps telling me she can't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning... its really depressing and a huge toll on how I feel to hear talk like that.
Thanks for all your help,
Kyle

We often in our lives plan for our hopes and dreams and when a plan comes together we are so excited that we tend to forget about the feelings of those around us and the changes they go through as we pursue our plans. Of course you want to take your g/f with you as you move to the next level,but obviously she has other plans and now the relationship is in conflict.You have a tough decision to make!You cannot expect her to follow your dream and from what you've wrote here she will not support your choice of a life path and maybe the best thing to do is to go your own way and see what the future brings. We all come to that fork in the road and try as we may whatever we choose will upset someone one way or another. I suspect her depression is one way to influence you to sympathize more with her position. Do what you have to do to realise your dream or you will forever be second guessing yourself. If the two of you are meant to be together you will,but the ball is in your court and you should do what you feel is best for you! Good luck!:cool: