So earlier tonight my leg itched and without thinking about it, I reached down to scratch it. Up comes a scab I had forgotten about (I scraped my leg on accident the other day), anyway in that one moment when I started bleeding it was like nothing else mattered, all the stress that's been going on for months doesn't matter. Now I am terrified that I will start cutting myself again. I haven't cut in the months and I can't think of anything else. My parents will know though, and they will put me in a hospital like they thought about doing last fall. I'm just so frustrated. Dad is drinking again, and it's my fault. I made him sad because I am so sad. I try to come online and talk about thins that don't really matter. But who cares? I mean really what is the point. Therapy, self help, medicine, acupuncture... nothing has helped my sorrow and anxiety. I'm not even happy in my freaking sleep. I get night terrors. I scream so loud in my sleep that my parents have rushed into my room thinking someone was literally murdering me. Now I can't even exercise some of my frustration away in a healthy manner (did I mention I am fat). The reason I can't exercise? I am on crutches for the 3rd spring in a row. I feel so worthless, I really thought I was making progress. But it was just a lie, I would come online and post about meaningless things, then I would hang out with my friends and listen to their opinion on certain boys, clothing, hair, etc. But through it all I guess I am just weak after all.