I am thirteen and amm worried, it seems like everyone gets divorced these days, and I want that to never happen to me! Please someone explain to me why people can divorce over silly things? I am totally freaked out here.
I know love is possible, because of my mom and dad, they've loved each other through situations many people would divorce ovver, but how does that happen?
Please help, explanation anything!

I have been married 8 years, did not get married until I was 29 years old. I wish I had found the right person sooner, but I spent my 20's looking in the wrong environment. I have thought of divorce, but realize that there is no one better that I would hope to find. People these days are just used to getting their way without compromise and refuse to work things out or admit when they are the problem or possibly wrong in their thoughts on the situation. Sustaining a marriage requires unselfishlove, much compromise, and knowing what is important and what is not. Don't sweat the small stuff, and remember most all of it is small stuff. I always liked the song by Blues Traveler, something about 100 years from now. Think of things like what would you remember in that long of a time, it helps to keep things in perspective. It is possible to still stay married and be happy these days, surround yourself with like minded people with similar relationaships whether that is via church, family, work friends, kids playmates' parents. :) don't worry so much at 13. . and don't rush to be married or compromise on picking the guy he has to be worth your time and effort for the relationship and reciprocate your feelings and kindness. I have a sharp tongued (smart mouth) spouse, but I know that is his weakness and 1/2 of what he says I ignore if it is delivered in the bad tone. He knows to talk nice if he wants me to listen!

First, the divorce rate hovers around 50%, so its not everyone. I've been married for 34 years.

The key, in my opinion is waiting. Too many people jump into marriage when they are too young (or are forced into by a pregnancy at a young age). One needs to be sure they can fully and completely commit to someone.

On the other hand, most divorces are not over trivial issues. And I do believe getting a divorce is better then just going through the motions.

23 years for me, and going strong.

My answer is selfless love. Most people divorce because they feel hurt, wronged, betrayed, bored, "out of love"... whatever, and they divorce because they want to.

Even if the hurt or betrayal is real, the choice to divorce is a selfish one. Mind you, I understand it, I'm just not going to pretty it up with softer terms. Divorce is mostly about me, my rights, my feelings, etc.

Before everyone starts lists of good reasons for divorce like physical abuse or abandonment, I acknowledge those. Those are in the TINY minority and aren't my beef.

The day you get married you make some pretty solemn promises. You promise to cleave to this one person forever, forsaking all others. Most people enjoy the vows and are clueless to what it means to live them out.

Forsaking all others means:

• Forsaking feelings for other women - You no longer act on the natural attraction you have for other women. You have them still, they're fine, you simply ignore them...or take the energy that comes from them back home to your wife.
  
• Forsaking "giving up" on your marriage - No longer having an "or else" mentality in your arguments with your wife. You are there for good. No matter how bad (or good) things are, your place will be at her side figuring it all out, together. Quitting, or divorce talk, shouldn't even be allowed in the room. The talk alone is amazingly destructive.
• Forsaking friendships, jobs, extended family that threaten your marriage - Way too many people fail to properly protect their spouses from the ill-will of their parents, siblings, coworkers, neighbors...it's unbelievable. Worse, the arguments that ensue over it actually end some marriages. Mama's boys are cute when dating, but deadly to a marriage.
• Forsaking your own need be right - Debates are fun, but "winning because you're right" is completely beside the point in a marriage. Too many people wield their "rightness" over their partner like a weapon, winning an argument but destroying each other's heart in the process. You don't need to be right, nor to even win, you just need to be heard...and so does she. A healthy man can hear an incorrect viewpoint from him wife and not go off on her for it.
• Forsaking equality - this is the biggie for me. I don't need my wife to treat me the way I treat her. I do it because she's my chosen partner, I promised her my all, I promised her my life, I promised her my best. Whether she does it or not, I will give her these things. Always.

Jb thanks yet again! You are always so helpful

My hubby and I will celebrate #22 next Saturday. We will both confess that we married way too young. We were 19 years old. You need to have a good understanding of who you are and what you want out of life. A "bad boy" might be exciting, but he may make a poor husband/father. If you are only attracted to the person's looks, what are you going to do when you get older and the looks aren't there anymore? Finding someone with common goals, values, interests and a sense of humor is essential. You also both have to go into the marriage with the belief that it is forever, not until one gets bored.

You are very young, so give yourself time to enjoy your youth and don't wish to grow up too quickly. Once it's gone - you never get it back.

Lots of people get divorced because they weren't ready for marriage, didn't know their partner long enough, or weren't ready to work through the relationships problems. So many people jump ship over silly things because they don't communicate. So just remember when you're in a relationship that COMMUNICATION is key...

In America it is often because couples base too much first on sex and the other just on what they believe is love but is normally lust. Marriage has to be a commitment, that both will agree to work though things,
Too often we want a quick fix, a easy way out, it just does not happen that way. It can be hard, after a serious event, it can take months even years to get back to where you were.

Your 13, and have so much to see, and experience, and learn. Do that, and when your happy with you and your life, you will be ready when someone wants to share it. Been married 32, years and we both work as hard now, as when we were younger, and talking, and listening, is what keeps us going still.

No communications, no marriage, and its very hard to work with someone you don't know very well, and can't express yourself honestly to. Love yourself first. Don't ever rush yourself to do what your not ready for. Your time is the right time. Take your time to select a partner, who you know well enough, to trust, listen to, and talk to honestly.

Why is there so much divorce?

People think their in love with a stranger, and think it will be forever, without the willingness to work together. When people follow a different plan than their partner, chaos and resentments grow, and they grow apart.