OK so this has really been stopping me from moving on, but I think my ex slept with on of my best mates on Sunday night. I saw that they were about to leave the club 2gtehr but they saw me and walked back in. I then went down to him and she ran out. He never went home that night because I stayed in his bed, and he claims he had a booty call from some girl he met weeks ago. But all this would explain why she doesn't give damn about us after everything we've been through and how she relaised she was in love with me and now she can't even talk to me face to face. Last week I was fine, and was moving on, but right now I'm finding it so hard to move on because I'm really starting to miss her and getting really paranoid about the whole mate thing. I'm finding it hard to drive myself to even go out of my bedroom and do things. I spent all yesterday with 2 girley friends who spent the entire day talking about how hot my mate is and how girls just fall in love with him when they talk to him. Which naturally really brought me down. I just feel completely los. I was a to my ex last weekend becauyse I was so annoyed that she dumped me through text. And I want to talk to her but currnetly going through NC. I just need something that's going to otivate me to move on because right now I'm just stuck in fornt of this computer 24/7 and I'm sad.

Why do you care what your ex does? Ex is an ex for a reason. Does not matter what your ex does now. Look at it as a new beginning for you and honestly your better off without. Instead of being in front of your computer 24/7 maybe it is time that you go outside. Do something? You need to be the one to change your emotions by forcing yourself to do something you might not necessarily want to do. Go out and find something you like to do for yourself or volunteer and do something for somebody else. End the cycle of moping around and wishing for something that you do not have.

It does not matter why the break up, it does say how much of a coward this person is by using text to do it. You should feel happy and relieved that you found out now what kind of person this person is.

Celebrate the end of misery. That is all you would have if you were still with this person.

I feel your anger and sorrow...

She's a if she slept with your friends~

And wallowing on the pity pot helps you how?

First you don't know that she did, you think she did, Next so what if she did, most likely she did it to mess with your head and it is working. The problem with ex's is that you have to just move on and try to stop being in contact with them and even worring about what they are doing.

Also if you should be upset with anyone it was your friend, since he should have respected you more than that. But then those people who will merely have casual sex with others are not thinking of anyone but themselves anyway.

The real issue is that she is not an ex, in your mind yet and you still care what she is doing.

The above posters are right,

A few things to say about this:

First off - stop making assumptions. You have no idea what happened, you are imaging things and are making a total mess of your emotions. Maybe she forgot her keys in the club, maybe your mate really did see some other girl, who knows. Who cares.

Secondly - you need to get busy. When you aren't busy doing something, you're left with tons of time to sit and think about how miserable you are because they are no longer in your life. Get outside, get busy, see friends, anything you can do to just be busy. Before you know it, you won't be thinking about it as much as you will have other things to do.

First thing your ex is a prick, second thing you friend isn't a friend, you a better off without either of those people in your life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by guttedone

first thing your ex is a prick, second thing you friend isn't a friend, you a better off without either of those people in your life.

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Don't jump to conclusions, he doesn't know if any of this is true.

This is precisely why you should stay FAR away from your ex and anything that has to do with them. Ayn crumbs send you nuts with assumptions and wondering this and that...

I think I finally found my "formal stance" that so many of your relationship veterans have...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bigbird213

Don't jump to conclusions, he doens't know if any of this is true.

This is precisely why you should stay FAR away from your ex and anything that has to do with them. Ayn crumbs send you nuts with assumptions and wondering this and that...

I think I finally found my "formal stance" that so many of your relationship veterans have....

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No smoke without fire.

Basically if it makes you feel bad sack it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by guttedone

No smoke without fire.

Basically if it makes you feel bad sack it.

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Agreed, the whole situation is bad.

Exactly! Well I went to work today and that made me feel better, just every time I start to feel happy, something in my head reminds me that I'm not with her and it brings me down. I just feel so low lately and I should be happy and lot of good thiungs are happing career wise. I just want to share these things with her. Like today I got a fone call from a big casting director wanting me to audition for a play in the west end... which is amazing... and made me feel happy for like 10 seconds until I relaised I can't fone her and tell her. I go through up and down stages, one minute I think her, the next I think I miss her, the next she angers me, the next I just wallow in pity and tell myself how much I messed up. The wors ething is she will always be tehre because she goes to my college I just finsihed, and because it's a drama school I still have to go back wathc friends shows and have dance classes etc and she's still around. The worse is that I know what she is doing every day.

How do you know what she is dong everyday. Cut that out of your life.

Because I know she is at college, where I went. She is doing the same course I did! And we'll always keep bumping into each other every now and again like I will prob bump into her tomorrow when I go into college. That's why! For a site that is meant to help people, why is everyone so angry. Yes, we are all upset, but everyone is so rude when the give advice, not eveyrone, but a lot of people. I know what I got to do and don't u think I'm trying. You think I want to feel like this?

Calm down dude, we can only go by what you tell us, which is why I use a lot of quotes, but none are mad at you, understand after so much advice and your comments are always about hurt feelings and not putting actions behind words, it gets frustrating for us a s well. No one is mad though.

I think we all can identify with your feelings having no choice but to see the ex everday or so. That does make it harder, but then you must also work harder. Coping with ones feelings is a matter of practice and experience.

As you gain those skills you will do better. Have some patience my friend.

Sorry if I came across as rude, I was trying to be direct, not rude.

What I mean to say is that I think your number one priority should be you making sure that you don't hear any more about her life. If that is unavoidable, try to minimize what you hear. No matter how hard you try, any little tid-bit that you hear is going to have your mind reeling, and that isn't healthy for you.

Do yourself a favor bud, try to keep busy.

I know, and I'm sorry. Its just I've been through this once before with this girl and I'm totally aware of what I have to do as it has helped in the past, but because I'm the one who screwed up this time I have that 'im the one who has been left behind' feeling and I just feel so low about myself. I should be on top o the world like I was 4 weeks ago... I just want to be the man I used to be, very independent, very confident, very driven... sinc ei met her I turned into a wuss. And I hate that so much!

Well, at least you're using this time to analyze your own behavior. This can be good.

Your independence and confidence and drive, all those things should be constants in your life, based on your activities, accomplishments, goals, ambitions, projects... never on your women. They should be things that inspire your women, give them things to admire about you.

You need to grab that back and claim it forever before you start including any woman in your inner circle again. And in the future when you do link up with another girl, keep the rest of your life going full tilt. Give her a place in your life, not THE place.

P.S. Forgive your friend and your ex. Let them see each other, let them know you are going to try and be OK and stay out of it, it's their business. You have other things to focus on. Forgive them. Mean it.

Well I don't actually know if anything is going on. He claims that there isn't and I obviously haven't asked her. So I just got to trust him and believe him. And your right, my big rpoblem is that when I fall for a girl she becomes my life and everything else is sacrificed for her. Like I've just trainined the last 3 years as an actor and I've been lucky as I've had a lot of interest from agents, casting directors and writers etc. like today I got asked to audition for awest end show... which is my dream... HOWEVER... if it went on tour I would only think of her and how it would effect us. 3 weeks ago I auditioned for a tour of a midsummer nights dream and I turned it down because I didn't want to be away from her for so long... obviously I'm regretting it now. I just need to get back to being me. Get bac to reading plays and being driven because for the last 10 months I haven't been.

Good work...

Keep that up!