Ask Me Help Desk - 'Breaks' positive or negative?

Hi,
I'm new to this board.. I guess I'm just reaching out to something.

I appriciate that this question will have been asked thousands of times, and a lot of people will be sick of looking at them. So if you feel you want to redirect me to a thread which may help, please do.

I've been seeing a girl now for 11 month's. She has a little girl, she's just turned two. I love them both to pieces! We've been on two mini holidays this year. It's been brilliant, we've had some hard times, I was in hospital for 10 days in September last year following a rugby injury and subsequently I was unable to walk till January. Then my Grandad died. She was there for me both times.

We have spoken every day for a year, been like best friends, Tell each other we love each other everyday. We were happy. Very. She even asked me to move in two months ago, and I was going to later in the year.

But in the past couple of weeks, she has been short tempered and not really bothered if she saw me or not. So I asked the fatel question of "are you happy?, because the past couple of weeks you've been different?"

She said no, we had a long chat, she said she doesn't know how we can go forward anymore, she's confused and said her feelings are waining toward me. She knows I love her and would do anything for her, but she needed a break from us, with no contact. It has been the worst couple of days I can remember. Every text I get I hope it's her. I just want to know what went wrong, but she claimed she didn't know and she can't control her feelings. How long do I give this break, before I try to contact her? Do I send flowers? What do I do. Were not 'broken up' - just a break.

I'm a mess, miserable, miss her, miss the little one, I'm just not me. The whole situation, it's got me an emotional wreck.

Again, I appriciate I'm not the only one who's going through this. But is a 'break' the end? Or is it a positive..

Jim.

A break can either be a break up (usually is), or it can be a realization for the other person or both. I would suggest waiting for her to contact YOU. I know the waiting game sucks. But shove yourself into work, hang out with friends and family. Don't let yourself any free time to think of her or create false things in your head.

I am trying my hardest. I'm working 8 till 5 everyday anyway, it just sucks it's on a computer with the internet.

I just want her back. I don't even know what changed, and nither does she! As far as I knew we were happy and going strong.

Thanks for the reply anyhow. :)

You just need to give her time to figure it out.

Also, she is right about her feelings. You didn't do anything to get her to like you originally, that "just happened" too, and you enjoyed a year together ensuing. But it's just as reasonable that her feelings really have diminished and she doesn't know why.

There's really nothing you can DO right now, except wait without obsessing over her. You need to get involved in some mind-distracting activities... several of them if necessary.

Thanks JB. I hope she remembers why she fell for me in the first place. Ironically, I was the one who took longer to say I love you, I fell for her slower, if you will, and now it's a complete role reversal. I'm like a lost puppy dog. I just hope she gets in touch soon. 3 days has felt like three weeks!

Hi, you didn't do anything wrong I might be wrong but I think she's scared you guys are getting too close and she's afraid of being hurt but not just her the little girl too so I think that's way she wanted this break so she can get her head together all I can say to you is be strong and show her that you love her with all your heart, that your there for her and your not going anywhere

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Originally Posted by pinkrose7

hi, u didn't do anything wrong i might be wrong but i think shes scared u guys r getting too close and shes afraid of being hurt but not just her the little girl too so i think thats y she wanted this break so she can get her head together all i can say to u is be strong and show her that u love her with all ur heart, that ur there for her and ur not going anywhere

Sorry I was typing to fast and I didn't re read it before I sent it but if you don't understand what I wrote I can type it over I hope I helped u

Thanks for all the replies. It's appriciated. Considering, I've told no one about this break, not even my family.

I'm just hoping it will all blow over and by the weekend we'll be back to normal.

It's the not knowing what went wrong, and the waiting for her to get in touch. I don't like the prospect of going separate ways. It seems all wrong. God I'm miserable aren't I.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkrose7

sorry i was typing to fast and i didn't re read it before i sent it but if u don't understand what i wrote i can type it over i hope i helped u

There is an "edit" button at the bottom of each of your posts, so that you can edit the content. You don't need to post a whole other post.

Try sending her flowers with a card telling her how you feel and that you love her and always will be there for her and your not going anywhere also send a little teddy bear for the little girl so she knows anything will be all right and that you miss them both I hope I helped

Thanks Pink Rose. It's appriciated. I just don't want to feel like I'm pressuring her if I do send her flowers. She wanted a no contact break. Although its hard, very hard, I think I should stick to it..

Quote:

she needed a break from us, with no contact.

You must give her what she asked for, and do your best to cope with your loss. Not easy, but if you click on the links in my signature, you'll get some very good suggestions on how to deal with your situation, in positive healthy ways.

Put it this way me and my girl love each other completely and can't even go two days without being with each other, I'd say that I have a healthy relationship. If a relationship gets to the point that you ask for a break it basically means that the relationship is dead and you should move on!! Also why would you want to waste your life with someone if its not enjoyable!

The best advice for you is to sack the situation and get out there and find someone new and enjoy your life because lets be honest all this mooching around depressed isn't much fun is it? Can you honestly say you are happy right now?? I suspect the answer is no. Climb out of this black hole of depression and drama that you are in and make the most of your life go on holiday, go for a cool day out with friends, do something exciting!! Someone you are more suitible with will come along when you least expect it, I've been where you are and wasted a year of my life and I regret it bacause that's a year I could have been happy.

Don't waste time like I did .

I understand where your coming Guttedone. However, I don't feel like I've wasted a year. The past two or three days isonly time I've really been unhappy in the relationship (The break) which is why I am so trashed at the moment. If I saw it coming I'd probabley be dealing with it better. However, it's out of the blue and hit me hard. It was only 3 weeks ago we had a great long weekend in London. 3 weeks on and she's saying her feelings are suddenly changing, and she's confused, she needs a break to get her head straight. She also assured me it wasn't my fault.

Up until Monday. We spoke everyday and told each other we love one another.

I just want to speak with her, but she's asked for NC and she'll get in touch with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimm101

I understand where your coming Guttedone. However, I don't feel like i've wasted a year. The past two or three days isonly time i've really been unhappy in the relationship (The break) which is why I am so trashed at the moment. If I saw it coming i'd probabley be dealing with it better. However, it's out of the blue and hit me hard. It was only 3 weeks ago we had a great long weekend in London. 3 weeks on and shes saying her feelings are suddenly changing, and shes confused, she needs a break to get her head straight. She also assured me it wasnt my fault.

Up until Monday. We spoke everyday and told each other we love one another.

I just want to speak with her, but shes asked for NC and she'll get in touch with me.

Ok jim,

This is going to do your head in but from what you have just said I can pretty much guarantee that she is seeing someone else, I've been in the same posistion and it sucks but the only reason she'd suddenly go like that is because of the intervention of a third party!!

What has been happening over the past few months is that she has got close to another guy and its started to develop, she's been going on nice trips with you and telling you what she thinks you want to hear basically because of guilt and also to see if she still has those feelings for you or not, judging by the fact she has gone and said don't contact her she'll contact you it means she chosen the other guy!!

Right here's how you deal with it -

First you need to realise that she has shown you no respect and also she has been telling you lies and not only that she has deceived you in the most horrible way. RESPECT is the key word here.

ALL OF THESE THINGS AREN'T NICE AND YOU Don't NEED SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE THAT IS EVEN CAPABLE OF THIS SORT OF THING.

You need to focus on your life now and not hers, the minute she left you she is now no longer your concern, what is imperitive is that you don't slip into the self distruct spiral, I know this all to well. What you must force yourself to do is get out and about and be around friends, ban her from the topic of discussion and don't wallow in self pity, you need to think about this as a bloody good escape and thank god you're shot of such a witch!!

Join a gym or start a martial art or something you can focus on. Not only will you get fit you'll in turn look better and attract a new very much improved girl even sooner!!

You must now think of this as a fresh positive start to your life, avoid alcohol at all cost ican tell you from experience that it only makes you feel better for a short period and magnifys depression ten fold!

From this moment on you must draw a line and get on with you life, and stick to the important golden rule 'they only get one chance ' basically if they cause you concern or make you feel bad all the time or lie you even once they are gone! Have a high level of self respect and demand respect from others, you'll only crumble in these situations if you allow yourself too.

Move forward with positivity Jim!! And have self respect for god sake!!

Quote:

Move forward with positivity Jim!! And have self respect for god sake!!

Had to spread the rep, but you nailed it Guttedone, as dignity and self respect are yours, and can't be taken from you no matter what some female does.
So why are you trying to give yours away, Jimi?

Jim,

I agree with everything the above posters have said with one small exception.

Guttedone had a great post, I just wouldn't be so quick to say that she is seeing someone else. What I would be more inclined to say is that it Doesn't MATTER why her feelings changed. I'm willing to bet that the majority of the time, they don't know why their feelings have changed, they just do. She may be struggling to understand it just as much as you are.

In any case, your best bet is to get on being happy by yourself. You need to keep busy, as busy as possible. As someone else said, don't allow yourself ANY free time. Free time leaves you time to think and imagine scenarios which you have no proof of. Just get busy, get happy, and get healthy.

You've got a great support net here...

Hi

I stopped posting on this message board as I came for some advice, I felt that the majority of people where very helpful, and they did help me through a rough week. So thank you for that, however, telling me my girlfriend was cheating, had another man etc, I didn't feel that was helpful, and it made me worse.

I'd like to update everyone on the situation. On Friday night, she got in touch, she apologised for what she had put me through, she told me she loved me and we are now happy as ever again. What caused all the bad feeling I still don't know, but its in the past, and we can both look forward again.

Thanks.

The weekend was great, but added to my bad week, my brother was stabbed eleven times in his back and once in his face on his way home from his night out on Friday. All in front of his wife. The people have been caught, and he was taken the hospital where he underwent surgery. He is OK and recovering at home.

BRING ON A BETTER WEEK NEXT WEEK!