Ask Me Help Desk - The feelings feel right

I have met an incredible guy but lives not where I live. I don't intend on taking things seriously now. We have so much in common and think the same way about relationships. We talk everyday the only thing that makes me hesitant is how far away he lives. I met him on my vacation and hung out with him twice. He comes off very genuine and honest. For hanging out with me for only two days he tells me I'm beautiful every time I talk to him. I don't feel he is bullting me but who knows a good bullter right? Anyway I've never had so much in common with someone and talk to someone on the phone for hours. It just feels right... Before I would date and there were moments that didn't feel right but I'd just dismiss those feelings and make them right. I learned later on not to do that.

Anyone with there experience on their gutfeelings about someone theyhave dated. I just know ot feels right but there's no one way I can ratinalize why it is. Does "the one" come off like this at first. I know its so soon to tell and without personal interaction would be hard. Please any advice appreciated. If there is anything else you may need to know further about to give me advice.

You feelings for each other, or even yours alone, are no indication whatsoever on the long-term chances for success. You're trying to base future commitment on feelings, and commitment is based on action and sacrifice.

Except to get you going dating someone and to make it feel nice along the way, your feelings play a very small part in whether you will succeed together or not. That is based entirely on your willingness to put the other person first, make sacrifices about your life and conveniences and attitude, give up your need to win and be right all the time, and generally whether you are making them defend themselves all the time against your high expectations.

It takes a LOT to make a relationship work. Your feelings are automatic, so I wouldn't put too much emphasis on them.

Also, your guy is courting you, so what he SAYS is also pretty suspect. Grant you, I'm sure he DOES think you're pretty, but he's not telling you that all the time to make YOU feel good, he's saying that to make HIMSELF look good in your eyes.

And that's fine. Compliments have their place, too. Just don't be led too far down the path by them.

Eventually, you have to decide if a real relationship is going to happen here or not. For that to happen, one of you has to move closer to the other WITHOUT MOVING IN WITH EACH OTHER. (omg people are crazy).

Dating is risk, commitment is sacrifice, convenience is irrelevant... resistance is futile (sorry, couldn't resist.)

What do you think?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

You feelings for each other, or even yours alone, are no indication whatsoever on the long-term chances for success. You're trying to base future commitment on feelings, and commitment is based on action and sacrifice.

Except to get you going dating someone and to make it feel nice along the way, your feelings play a very small part in whether you will succeed together or not. That is based entirely on your willingness to put the other person first, make sacrifices about your life and conveniences and attitude, give up your need to win and be right all the time, and generally whether or not you are making them defend themselves all the time against your high expectations.

It takes a LOT to make a relationship work. Your feelings are automatic, so I wouldn't put too much emphasis on them.

Also, your guy is courting you, so what he SAYS is also pretty suspect. Grant you, I'm sure he DOES think you're pretty, but he's not telling you that all the time to make YOU feel good, he's saying that to make HIMSELF look good in your eyes.

And that's fine. Compliments have their place, too. Just don't be led too far down the path by them.

Eventually, you have to decide if a real relationship is going to happen here or not. For that to happen, one of you has to move closer to the other WITHOUT MOVING IN WITH EACH OTHER. (omg people are crazy).

Dating is risk, commitment is sacrifice, convenience is irrelevant....resistance is futile (sorry, couldn't resist.)

What do you think?

Also, there's not much we can do right now. He has ties at where he lives and so do I. Eventually, we would like to take it further. There's not much we can right now the feelings are a little overwhelming and I try to rationalize them. I do understand taking action to show commitment for a relationship.. What do I do for right now?

Right now you stay honest. The distance alone makes this an uncomfortable non-relationship with emotional connections. Awful, isn't it?

As long as you elevate what this is in your mind above what it REALLY is, you both pay a dear price. There may be perfectly fine and wonderful local people you two could be daily interacting with in a real face to face dating life. You could. But you won't.

Your life and time is yours to spend as you will. Just be clear about you're doing, don't get all misty about it, don't claim to be confused (my favorite here on the forum). You're putting your dating life in perpetual first gear for the "hope" you might be able to do something much later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

Right now you stay honest. The distance alone makes this an uncomfortable non-relationship with emotional connections. Awful, isn't it?

As long as you elevate what this is in your mind above what it REALLY is, you both pay a dear price. There may be perfectly fine and wonderful local people you two could be daily interacting with in a real face to face dating life. You could. But you won't.

Your life and time is yours to spend as you will. Just be clear about you're doing, don't get all misty about it, don't claim to be confused (my favorite here on the forum). You're putting your dating life in perpetual first gear for the "hope" you might be able to do something much later.

For right now I'm just going to enjoy the conversations. I don't feel confused about how I feel if I just let the things we talk about just be. I'm kind of just going with the mind set of whatever happens happens. Right now it is what it is. Otherwise letting feelings get in the way makes me think irrational.

Does this sound right?

"It is what it is"

Get that on a t-shirt!