Hi I am completely new to AskME and I'm so sorry to repeat this question. I know it's been asked before but I couldn't find any answers that really helped me in my situation.

When I am having sex with my boyfriend, sometimes it gets to the point where it feels so intense and overwhelming I begin to whimper and then I begin to cry. I'm 22 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I've read this could be a result of hormones and deep feeling of love but I also wonder if it has anything to do with past trauma? Would it have to be sexual trauma or could it be emotional as welll? Sometimes I also feel gross when he fondles my breasts but that happens when I'm about to start or have started my period.

I also read it could be a result of going off the pill but it has been months... about six or seven since I went off it.

I don't know much about traumas and psychology and how they may affect my sex life, so if anyone can offer anything I would greatly appreciate it.

I know that personally, with my ex I cried a lot and I didn't know why. I ended up staying in the hospital for quite sometime for other reasons, and my psychiatrist told me I was repressing things. I ended up going under hypnosis and found that someone close to me had raped me several times, and I just pushed it out of my head. The doctor said that there is a difference with repressing and suppressing. I'm sure I'm going to mess this up, but I believe that repressing is when you forcefully push it out your mind, where you do it yourself, as a coping mechanism. And supression is something that just happens as a way for your mind to make more space for other things. But with repression, even if you don't remember it consciously, you can remember it subconsciously. So when I was intimate with my ex, my mind recognized this act as something that was bad. And envoked feelings of unknown origin and tears.

I also know about the period thing. I am not sure quite what causes that, but I do know it has to do with a sense of not being clean, or embarrassed. I think it has to do with how our society just dances around the subject.

I hope this answers your question.
And I'm new too, so I'm sorry if these answers were already given somewhere else.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Chevelle454

I know that personally, with my ex I cried a lot and I didn't know why. I ended up staying in the hospital for quite sometime for other reasons, and my psychiatrist told me I was repressing things. I ended up going under hypnosis and found that someone close to me had raped me several times, and I just pushed it out of my head. The doctor said that there is a difference with repressing and supressing. I'm sure I'm going to mess this up, but I believe that repressing is when you forcefully push it out your mind, where you do it yourself, as a coping mechanism. And supression is something that just happens as a way for your mind to make more space for other things. But with repression, even if you don't remember it consciously, you can remember it subconsciously. So when I was intimate with my ex, my mind recognized this act as something that was bad. And envoked feelings of unknown origin and tears.

I also know about the period thing. I am not sure quite what causes that, but I do know it has to do with a sense of not being clean, or embarrassed. I think it has to do with how our society just dances around the subject.

I hope this answers your question.
And I'm new too, so I'm sorry if these answers were already given somewhere else.

---

Yes that helps very much! Thank you. I've been thinking for some time that maybe I should go back to my therapist and talk about this situation. But boyfriend doesn't really believe in therapists and the whole practice but I think maybe I should schedule a time with her and see if I can't get to the bottom of this. I really appreciate the answer and your time. :D

I don't think that it necessarily has to have anything to do with a past sexual trauma... it could have more to due with your current frustration with sexual intercourse, or frustration that the ideal "dream" of perfect intercourse-perfect partner doesn't bear any resemblance to real live coitus.

Sex is sold everywhere in American culture as easy pleasure and happiness, a cure-all for all the minor to major stuff that comes along in a person's life. "Just have sex and everything is wonderful! Oh, and by the way, purchase what I'm selling 'cause it's just like the feeling you will get from sex!!"... lol

Guess what, good sex doesn't just come naturally for many American girls. All things worth while are the things we have to work for... good job, good hobbies and sports, good friends AND good sex. Don't leave your sexual development up to a young guy who got his education from porn!! You may get rubbed raw, or worse. :) Crying during sex is a good way to get someone's attention that something is going horribly unpleasantly.


Best wishes for a better sex life going forward!

I to like the first poster thought might gotten raped or molested as a child if that's not the case I was reading an article in Women's Health about females that cry doing sex and they said if its not from pain but pleasure it called an emotional orgasm and happens when the women is aroused sexual. Or it can mean that the female represent sex because she thinks it dirty, how do you feel during sex?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by liz28

I to like the first poster thought might gotten raped or molested as a child if thats not the case I was reading an article in Womens Health about females that cry doing sex and they said if its not from pain but pleasure it called an emotional orgasm and happens when the women is aroused sexual. Or it can mean that the female represent sex because she thinks it dirty, how do you feel during sex?

---

Thank you very much. I don't feel dirty. There have a been a couple times where I sort of did but they were circling around the time of my menstrual cycle. The crying or intense urge to, is related to the great pleasure I'm feeling at the time. Emotional Orgasm, I've heard of that as well. But I wonder if there is a way to get past it? It's like I get to this point and it feels like a huge bump in the road I absolutely can't get over. If I get to the point where I feel the need to start to cry, that's usually the end of the sexual experience for me. I can't keep going, it's too intense so I'll ask my Boyfriend to stop and he ends up feeling like he's hurting me and the whole thing is just ruined. I just don't know what to do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by miss_me

Hi I am completely new to AskME and I'm so sorry to repeat this question. I know it's been asked before but i couldn't find any answers that really helped me in my situation.

When I am having sex with my boyfriend, sometimes it gets to the point where it feels so intense and overwhelming i begin to whimper and then i begin to cry. I'm 22 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I've read this could be a result of hormones and deep feeling of love but i also wonder if it has anything to do with past trauma? Would it have to be sexual trauma or could it be emotional as welll? sometimes i also feel gross when he fondles my breasts but that happens when I'm about to start or have started my period.

I also read it could be a result of going off the pill but it has been months...about six or seven since i went off of it.

I dont know much about traumas and psychology and how they may affect my sex life, so if anyone can offer anything i would greatly appreciate it.

---

Hi, I am a therapist that also practices hypnosis. It is true that sexual abuse or rape may lead to the crying you noted during sex. But it also may be due to intimacy, feelings regarding this and other relationships or other issues. Either way a good therapist that has experience with trauma and hypnosis is a good idea. Visit harborcrestcounseling.com and/or send an email to that site if you have any questions. Your questioning and searching for the answer is the most important step, with guidance you will get your answer and resolve the problem.
Randy

Are you just curious, or does it cause problems between you, and your partner?? Do you have trauma, from your past? Is this just a sometime thing??

Responding to Randy, thank you very much for the link. I will definitely check it out. I have wanted to talk to someone professional about this for some time but I was not sure where to go. I was seeing counselors through kaiser permanent e but I never got to that subject. And I also didn't feel they understood a thing I was going through.

In response to talaniman, it's a little of both. Although I am more curious than the other. It hasn't been a huge issue with my boyfriend. Just at the time this occurs, he feels as though he is hurting me. When I explain to him that's not it at all I feel he gets frustrated because he doesn't understand. This only happens every now and then. I do have past trauma. Both sexual and emotional. My few memories of the sexual abuse are vague. I remember more the emotion and feelings associated with the memory rather than exact details. Now that I am older, I sometimes look back and remember certain people from my childhood and in my mind I question them and their intentions. I could go into a little more detail if you think it would help you help me.

I am more curious and I am trying to seek answers to get to the bottom of these issues. Thank you again for the link and thank you for your responses! :)

Your and his reaction are normal for those of us with sexual abuse histories. Individual therapy and couples therapy with someone who knows what they are doing is a good idea. The reason for this is that you are reaching a "deeper level of the onion", a different level of addressing what happened to you than you had before. Issues of trust, intimacy and vulnerability are among those coming up. Hypnosis, again by a qualified therapist with MSW, PhD or MD as well is able to address the feelings, memory and to help address and resolve the issues that are working their way to the surface. When the student is ready the master appears (or something like that)... when we are ready issues that we need to work through are triggered and raise to the surface.

As a couple it is helpful to talk through the issue with a therapist. It can help him understand and address BOTh your feelings in the relationship and what to do. If both of you are stuck, it is helpful to meet with someone else to provide direction. Please make sure it is not a nodding, uh huh type of therapist, but an involved, strategic, talking, communication-enhancing therapist who has experience in the area.

Good work and good luck as you continue on your journey to a healthy relationship. A guy who you love, that loves you and doesn't want to hurt you- it's wonderful, the way it should be. Just work on the communication and check out what I suggest... you are doing great!!

Randy:) :)

Well, I am also 22 and I also do the same thing sometimes. It's like, right when it happens, you start to shake a little... then it turns to a few little tears then you just want to curl up and cry. For me, it has nothing to do with past trauma. I have been with my man for almost 7 years and it's just my absolute most extreme orgasm. It's happened a few times in our long relationship but when it does I know that it's not anything bad, it's good, the best. Coming from a girl who has had an almost 15 minute orgasm, crying sometimes comes with the territory.

I am not saying that it isn't from some past trauma... I'm just saying in my case it's not. But also, I think you would definitely know the difference in whether it's AMAZING EMOTION or pain. Believe me, you would know. For me it's just mind boggling that something could feel so good! My man enjoys knowing he pleased me so much that I am crying.

I say, if it's not a bad thing, embrace it and let your man know what's going on with your body and your emotions. I'm sure he would want to know.

If you feel it's a bad thing I would definitely go to a therapist. Try getting hypnotised, it works wonders from what I hear.

Hope this helps!