Ask Me Help Desk - Dumped after 5 years.

We were together 5 years and engaged. We lived together 4 of the years and then as she was about to graduate Law School she dumped me. I am heart broken and feel as if my life has ended. I have finally stopped calling, texting or emailing her. I hope she will notice. Yet it seems like she is so busy enjoying life, she won't notice. She has started drinking more and partying more. Myself esteem is now zero.
One thing I do know about her, is that she has herpes, and in my mind this may slow her down from having sex with any other guy for a while.
I realize I need to just write her off, but I honestly believe if I remain silent for a while and let her be and see that I'm not contacting her, the tables may turn.
My furniture is still at the place we shared, I have to go get it.
Since she dumped me, I have gotten into shape. But that about all.
Thanks

Sounds to me like she needs a little space. Give her some time. Try explaining your feelings to her if you do want her back. If you don't make arrangements to get your things from her.

Sorry for you pass this. But I believe we all did face this situation at least once in our life.

I would say that you have some good manners in respect to the break up. Worst thing you can do is the phone terror, sneaking on here, talking to all here family and friends, writing notes all the time and similar stuff.

Just cool off as you do and try to get your life in order. It helps when you try to remember the "OLD ME" and try to do stuff you liked to do in the past and which you dropped due to the relationship.

Making here feel that you accepted the break up is the correct beginning. You have to start to like yourself again, then make yourself a valuable friend to others you perhaps have left behind for a while, date again.

A EX will only come back to a stronger YOU, not to a weaker one.

There is a good chance to come back to an ex if you take the right steps.

G.
G

Quote:

Originally Posted by confused1145

Sounds to me like she needs a little space. Give her some time. Try explaining your feelings to her if you do want her back. If you don't make arrangements to get your things from her.

I am not sure if telling your feelings is a good way to get her back. Like you said you have tried the texting and calling her. Just go no contact with her and try to move on, if she comes back she comes back. If not you have already started to heal yourself. You'll be OK buddy, this site is full of support and words of wisdom. You'll be OK!

Her having herpes means almost nothing. She might have occasional outbreaks but don't assume this will keep her from finding another person to be with.

She's most likely been with you for good reasons, but that doesn't mean it was meant to last. Some relationships last the test of time... some last for a time and are done.

Having dated a girl through med school... not unlike your situation with her in law school, and having seen her change direction and intention... all I can say is I'm glad it happened in the long run.

I had a unique closeness to this girl. I had connections that have never been duplicated. I had plans. Intents. Desires. Commitments.

Well... unfortunately, life happens.

So... time to keep No Contact (NC) going.

Time to step back and walk away. If she comes back, you don't want it to be out of pitty or because she misses the confort of the familiar. You want her to chase you down and demand another chance. Anything less is just noise.

In the meantime you need to act like its over.. because it is at this point.

And stop with the herpes thing... I've dated two great women who had herpes and I've not contracted the STD. doesn't mean they weren't WONDERFUL women to be with. This is mostly anger from your side. Understandable, but irrelevant.

If you didn't want to marry her, what's the big loss? If you want to marry her, you should have asked. You're missing the security of the relationship. She needs something more out of you, and I somewhat suspect has been telling you so for a long time.

Hey I know how this feels - my partner dumped me last week stating "he doesnt love me anymore" We were together nearly 5 years - we just bought a new house together 9 months ago! I can't believe that the person I loved so much, spoke to every day - kissed and cuddled every night can now be so cold - he can't even give me a reason as to why we have broken up - I want to know when, how why but he can't give me the answers as he doesn't know. I also feel let down - when things were going wrong in his eyes, why did he not say something? Im peed off that he has had a chance to mentally prepare himself whilst for me it was a HUGE shock. Ive scoured the internet and read books about break ups and even though I'm getting a lot of good advice, I feel like its not sinking in - I'm still in shock and think he will realise he has made a mistake. However I know my ex, he never ever said anything that he would later regret - therefore if he has split with me - then he will NEVER go back. Im also angry that he didn't thing our relationship was worth a fight? I feel like Ive wasted my time with him - I feel like I will never meet someone new - I feel like I don't want to meet someone new... its really horrible. I just want this feeling to go away as quickly as possible! The thought of my Ex (it even feels weird writing Ex) with someone else makes me feel as though I could literally die... my only hope is that this feeling will go away - I don't know what to say to you - I can't offer any advice - I just wanted you to know that I'm going through this with you xx

daysgoneby and jj240 in this case.
I've gone through smaller scale break ups - of a year and a half and just under a year.
How long you spend with someone is obviously important, so I can only imagine that what I'm feeling is x10 for the pair of you.. so in a sense, maybe I'm not in a position to advise you but I feel the same pain.. and almost disgust at how easily she could wake away from us and not look back..
Though I get messages on msn every now and then to which I don't reply anymore (almost 50 days of NC).
kp summed it up for me:

Quote:

time to step back and walk away. If she comes back, you don't want it to be out of pitty or because she misses the confort of the familiar. You want her to chase you down and demand another chance. Anything less is just noise.

I love her and I wish we could be together.. but I won't even go close to reconsidering getting back together with her unless she's banging my door down for a month.. I mean how could I ever trust her again? - that's what you should ask yourselves.. could you ever feel comfortable with them again? In the back of your heads won't that paranoia of being dumped just linger on and on?
The truth of the matter is ,after they took the decision to walk away from you, any possible reunion will never quite be the same as what your relationship was before.. So you need to walk away and let them make their own mistakes.. you should worry about your own lives and not theirs.
It sucks big time but we all have to do it.

By the way, We were ENGAGED. Thanks to everyone for their great advice.