Ask Me Help Desk - Divorce under Muslim law

Conditional divorce

Asalam-o-Alekum

I'm writing to ask you a question.I don't want to disclose my name but it will be great if you could please kindly guide me in a matter.

My husband had forbidden me to do something. He said "each time you do it you will get one divorce automatically". I did that thing twice but unintentionaly and in anger.

After 2 times he said to me that he takes all his words back and lifted that restriction off me.

Then again after some time he said if you do such and such thing then you will get 3rd divorce. And I did it again in anger.

Can you kindly tell me if its really considered as divorce? As he had taken it back previously.

I will be waiting for your reply.

Thank you

In the US, divorce is a legal procedure, one of you will have to file for divorce with the family court. It is not based on saying or doing something and there is no automatic divorce.

Now if you live in some county that is based on male controlled society that has religious control of marriage, then there may be an issue.

He can not just say the two of you are divorced and you automatically are in the u.s. Take some time to think about your marriage. Is it really what you want? Do you love him? Does he treat you the way that you deserve to be treated? These are just some things that you may want to consider.

I started to answer this before, but I strongly suspect that the OP is NOT in the US or any country where divorce is a civil procedure. As Chuck noted, there are some countries where divorce is a religious issue and a many can divorce a wife just on a say so.

So without knowing where the OP is from, its hard to advise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I started to answer this before, but I strongly suspect that the OP is NOT in the US or any country where divorce is a civil procedure. As Chuck noted, there are some countries where divorce is a religious issue and a many can divorce a wife just on a say so.

So without knowing where the OP is from, its hard to advise.

Hi.. I'm not in the US but UK and am a muslim... so for me... it's a religious matter so it would be great if some one who has knowledge of islam could ansr my question but I appriciate you making the effort to answer my question. Thanks

This poster has some issues on divorce, in the UK, but wants to know it under the laws of Islam. Now I will add, I would think if they were legally married in the UK, ( which is a civil marriage) they will still have to divorce in civil proceedings.

But the OP asked about the religious issues, so I have moved the post

Assalaam alaikum

I am not very sure about your particular case,but here are some answers regarding divorces.

Islam Question and Answer - Conditional divorce and divorce in a state of extreme anger
Islam Question and Answer - Her husband frequently swears by divorce. Is she still married to him?

You could try to get hold of a scholar or knowledgeable person in your area and ask this question as it is a unique situation.
It will also be good if you could get a muslim lawyer if you think legal advise is necessary because if your husband threatens divorce so often,then you two have some serious issues either a counsellor or lawyer could help with.

Wa alaikum salaam

Quote:

Originally Posted by firmbeliever

Assalaam alaikum

I am not very sure about your particular case,but here are some answers regarding divorces.

Islam Question and Answer - Conditional divorce and divorce in a state of extreme anger
Islam Question and Answer - Her husband frequently swears by divorce. Is she still married to him?

You could try to get hold of a scholar or knowledgeable person in your area and ask this question as it is a unique situation.
It will also be good if you could get a muslim lawyer if you think legal advise is neccessary because if your husband threatens divorce so often,then you two have some serious issues either a counsellor or lawyer could help with.

Wa alaikum salaam

Thanks a lot for taking out the time and answerign my question. Although the links you have posted didn't answer my queston fully but have helped to some extent. Thanks a lot for taking out the time to do so much for me...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

This poster has some issues on divorce, in the UK, but wants to know it under the laws of Islam. Now I will add, I would think if they were legally married in the UK, ( which is a civil marriage) they will still have to divorce in civil procedings.

But the OP asked about the religious issues, so I have moved the post

Thank you for making the efforts to help me. I really appriciate it.

Asalamu Alaikum Sister

You never mentioned what you did for your husband to say he wants a divorce? And you repeatedly done it? Did you want a divorce?

But I will recite quotes from Quran that will guide you in reference to divorce. Inshallah this helps

Bismillah ir Rahman Ir Rahim

Quran Surah 2 Verse 225

GOD (Allah) will not charge you for any unintentional oath you make, but he will charge you for what your hearts intend and God (Allah) is All Forgiving, Most Forbearing.

Meaning he divorces are said when he is thinking with a clear head not out of rage. But when he knows he is making a sound decision. He really means it in his heart not just outburst.

Quran Surah 2 Verse 228

And divorced women must wait for a trial period of three menstruations, and it is not lawful for them to hide what GOD (Allah) has created in their wombs, if they believe in GOD (Allah) and the Last Day. And their husbands are best entitled to take them back in that period, if they both desire reconciliation. And women have rights equal to the obligations on them, in all fairness, And men have a degree of right over them (only in returning them to the bond of marriage during the prescribed period) and GOD (Allah) is Almighty, All-Wise.

Meaning the husband cannot divorce you during your menses and must wait three menses to ensure there are no pregnancies. It also gives you both time to work things out without making sure this is what you want to do for sure.

Quran Surah 2 Verse 229

A divorce is only to be effected twice, then either stay together with honour or separate in kindness, and it is not permissible for you to take from women any of that which you have given them, unless both fear that they would dishonour the marriage bond in violation of the bounds set by GOD (Allah). But if you fear that they my not be able to abide by the bounds set by GOD (Allah), there is no blame on either of them if she returns what has been given. These are the bounds set by GOD (Allah), so do not violate them, and if any do violate the bounds ordained by GOD, such are the evildoers.

Meaning he shouldn't keep anything he has given to you unless you decide he can have it.

This Surah pretains to the 3rd time he says divorce

Quran Surah 2 Verse 230

So if a husband irrevocably divorces his wife, (upon the third divorce between them) she will not be lawful to him to marry after that, unless she consummates the marriage with another husband with the intention of remaining married to him, and the other husband divorces her, then there is no blame on them if they remarry, if they think they can keep the bounds set by GOD (Allah), these are the bounds set by GOD which He expounds for those who have knowledge.

Allah Knows Best

Following are other surahs after the divorce takes place if you want to read I will not list because it is length but what I listed pertains to what you Asked.
Insha'allah sister I will make Du'aa for you
Wa Laikum Salm

Quran 2 Verse 231 through 233

If you need more info for specific situations let me know here or pm me, Inshallah

Salam Sister
One more thing if he did not really mean it and said it out of anger he can take back the divorces. If he meant in his heart he can not. So if he takes it back then it's OK. And only him and Allah know if he meant it. So if he took 2 back and said next time you will be divorced and means it that will be one time.
Allah know best.

Asalam-o-Alekum

Thanks a lot for helping me out. And for your questions. No I did not want a divorce in fact I love my husband a lot. When he used to swear at me I used to curse him. But not meaning for all that to happen to him but just in anger. He said to me each time you swear consider it one divorce. But I thought it was just a threat. And in anger I idnt realise it will really take place.

So what I understood form your message is that a divorce did not take place. Is that right?

Hoping for an early reply
With kidest regards
Your sister

I'm unable to pm you can you please tell me how to do that.

Wa rahmatallah wa barakatou

Allah Ya barik fik. If he is upset the divorce did not take place. But, if he was not upset and thinking clearly it is valid. You said he lifted the restrictions of the first two times he said divorce right? If so that means the first two divorces do not count because he knows if it was in his heart. So at this point if he said it the third and meant it that would be your 1st divorce. So you will have two left. Sister try not to curse your husband because when you do this it will raise more tension. Sister pray and make Du'aa for your husband and ask Allah to make him patient. People who are patience are favored by Allah and those who are temperamental are disliked. Please try harder to be calm for marriage is part of our deen. Think of it like this sis if your mother was upset and said something wrong to you out of anger. Do you curse her? No If your teacher said something wrong do you curse her? No If your father said something wrong. Do you curse him? No If you said anything wrong to your kids. Do you want them to curse you? No. Sister all I'm saying is some people get upset in the heat of the moment all of GOD's people but we must have patience and your husband must have patience with you too. Inshallah in this you seek guidance. Allah Knows Best

Wa laikum Salam

Quote:

Originally Posted by golmatolo

im unable to pm you can you please tell me how to do that.

Click my name and send a message. But here is OK too.

Salam but if I could help you with other things I was going through some trouble last week and the people here gave good advice. Depending on the situation but as for something's there are guidelines that go hand in hand with Islam.

If he took the first two divorce off he starts again from 0 so there's no problem! If is really bad what you do or say that makes him want to divorce you I think you should stop doing that! Go back the Quran and read so you get a better understand of the our purpose and you personality will change and your anger will be control! Who ever has Allah in their heart shows it of by being peaceful and showing others that peace inside you.

Remember have marriage is half of our faith so make the best out of it if he is a good husband

I have read other peoples answer. Please as a Muslim put your affairs in prayer with your husband .Divorce is accepted but discouraged