My wife has a serious problem. It effects her in a very negative manner. Not only her, but my two daughters and myself as well.
She was diagnosed agoraphobic (not sure of spelling), this is defined by Webster's as "the fear of wide open spaces". Her problem though is much more extensive than this. She is always depressed, she must be in control of whatever vehicle she's in, and she seems to me to be o/c. about certain things... for example, she has to have a big ol' coke in her hands as soon as her feet hit the floor. Not just one coke a day though, she buys two at a time, and puts one in the fridge. Most of the time, the one in the fridge is "old," and it remans in there, and she'll go get two more. Not onc a day, not twice a day, but sometimes five or six times a day. There is a stack of big styrofoam cups about three feet high that I have to take to the trash can, every day. She also used to have a stack of straws in her car, "in case they run out at the store." She no longer does the straw thing, because even my girls would laff about it, and after a few months of harmless teasing, she eventually saw the humor in it. All of this o/c stuff is relatively harmless, except for all of the styrofoam in the local landfill, and a little damage to the pocketbook, but I wanted to point that out for proper diagnosis of her problem.
The travelling thing is the biggest issue. She is very smart!! She was in advanced math classes throughout high school, and her intire Senior year, she was taking college courses. She was offered many scholarships, but could not accept any of them, as for her problem. I understand her depression!! This whole travel thing is a big issue when summer roles around. The kids and I want to go places, and she cannot. This sends her into a deep depression, and she does not leave the house the entire time we are gone.
She cries the entire time, and when we call to check in, she makes it obvious (even to the kids) how upset she is. I don't even want to call to check in, but she insists!(she misse us, and I don't blame her)
As we live in rural Texas, the nearest mental help she could get is 96 miles away. The Doctor that diagnosed her was a mental therapist, whatever that means, and she hasn't seen him since she was 16. He moved away to better paying job, and that was the last time there has been any kind of mental help in this li'l ol' town.
------any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated!!

There is probably medication for her problems. You need to get her to a doctor and get her help.

As for as traveling, what about a RV, she can be in back, closed in and not seeing where she is traveling.

But of course if my wife was ill and could not travel, I would not be going without her.

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Originally Posted by Trandy

My wife has a serious problem. It effects her in a very negative manner. Not only her, but my two daughters and myself as well.
Her problem though is much more extensive than this. She is always depressed, she must be in control of whatever vehicle she's in, !

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Thought of that!!

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

But of course if my wife was ill and could not travel, I would not be going without her.

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O.k. then just because she can't go, we can't go??
I should let my wife's illness hold my children back from Disneyland, or The majestic Rockies, or Sea world, or anything for that matter?? :confused:

Besides, I suppose all of your family lives where you live?? You never go see the ones that don't? My children have grandparents all the way in California. I'm not going to keep them from seeing the world!! In fact, totally opposite of that, I'm so concerned that this may be inherited, or even learned, that I see to it that we go somewher at least once every other year, even if it's just for a day or two.

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Originally Posted by 450donn

There is probably medication for her problems. you need to get her to a doctor and get her help.

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Doctors treat her deppression: the symptoms, not the illness. I was hoping a mental health expert would reply.
We do pay for outrageoussly expensive anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety drugs on a monthly basis.


:confused: :confused:

Ya, I truly believe anti-depressants only mask the problems, I had a spurt of severe anxiety and agoraphobia in my late 20s, have you tried easing her way in to it? Baby steps? Does she feel the anxiety when she leaves the house, the lawn, the street or the city? To be perfectly honest, I started going to yoga classes, acupuncture and reiki to deal with my anxiety, but had to take a lose dosage anti-depressant to get me on track (celexa) then ween off only a couple months later.. if you wife isn't responding well to the medications, has she tried others? Paxil made me feel worse... it might make her feel at ease knowing she can recognize and identify the reasons she is feeling this way, her body is flight or fight instinct is completely out of wack and her mind setting off the alarm at the wrong times..

I'm thinking out loud. I wonder if it's possible to trick your wife's brain with technology that exists, but not combined together.

Take these:

Video glasses: up close and personal - International Herald Tribune

Now suppose there was a camera attached that made things appear closer.

Just a thought for a starting point.

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Originally Posted by KeepItSimpleStupid

I'm thinking out loud. I wonder if it's possible to trick your wife's brain with technology that exists, but not combined together.

Take these:

Video glasses: up close and personal - International Herald Tribune

Now suppose there was a camera attached that made things appear closer.

Just a thought for a starting point.

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Attachment 8745
:D I think you're on to something there. Ought to patent that one!! You could gear it up with gps, and put a virtual city around her, and she could still drive!! Just hope for everyone on board that the virtual road doesn't make a wrong turn,:eek: or a deer doesn't jump out in front of her:eek:... might need a little work, but I think it'd work.:D

p.s. thanks for the advice on attachments last night.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by spinphoto

Ya, I truly believe anti-depressants only mask the problems, I had a spurt of severe anxiety and agoraphobia in my late 20s, have you tried easing her way in to it? baby steps? does she feel the anxiety when she leaves the house, the lawn, the street or the city? To be perfectly honest, I started going to yoga classes, acupuncture and reiki to deal with my anxiety, but had to take a lose dosage anti-depressant to get me on track (celexa) then ween off only a couple months later.. if you wife isn't responding well to the medications, has she tried others? Paxil made me feel worse... it might make her feel at ease knowing she can recognize and identify the reasons why she is feeling this way, her body is flight or fight instinct is completely out of wack and her mind setting off the alarm at the wrong times..

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She has the most serious issue about leaving town... though there are times in town when she panics, like if we're on the wrong side of the tracks, and a train comes barreling through town. Then, she has to get home right away! Good thing there are a couple of underpasses, or she'd probably try to run right through the train.(sorry, but I can't help a little bad humor sometimes.) We have tried easing her into it, but it's like she is all go! Go! Go! For a while then uh,uh, no more, and I'm not about to pressure her.I know she doesn't respond well to the meds, but she responds very negatively to no meds... I HATE it when the doctor decides to try something else. It's like for a month she's a totally different person. Then you don't know what you'll get, a zombie, or her. She'd like to talk with someone, that has had similar issues, however.
Thanks for your advice.Attachment 8746
Here's a flower for your kindness

Well she can email me, I'm over the agoraphobia but I still battle anxiety and depression and I always will.. she is going to have to learn to control her thoughts, not vise versa. She needs to tell herself when she is in public, 'I am not trapped, I can leave when ever I want.. '
Do you have public health in America? Some where she can go, no stings attached, no med bills, and talk to someone? It will also help to understand and uncover the root of this behavior. She needs to learn meditation/relaxation techniques then move on to exposure therapy, likely with a professional and you, for encouragement. Her feelings may be frightning but it will be soothing to her to know, her thoughts aren't dangerous and they do pass.
Spin

You have to understand that your wife is a very bad influence on your children, so you have to counteract her!

First of all, take the children to a lot of places and teach them to enjoy life and leave your wife at home. She is miserable and is ruining everyone else's life. You can't allow that to happen; she has no right to do that!!

Get her a self-help book so she can read about her condition and help herself! She is getting her meds from somewhere, can she talk to the person she gets the Rx's from?

At his point, you have to help your children where you can make a huge positive difference.

Best wishes,

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Originally Posted by Choux

You have to understand that your wife is a very bad influence on your children, so you have to counteract her!

First of all, take the children to a lot of places and teach them to enjoy life and leave your wife at home. She is miserable and is ruining everyone else's life. You can't allow that to happen; she has no right to do that!!!!

Get her a self-help book so she can read about her condition and help herself!! She is getting her meds from somewhere, can she talk to the person she gets the Rx's from?

At his point, you have to help your children where you can make a huge positive difference.

Best wishes,

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Geez!!
I hope that's not what I sound like.
My wife is a very good and loving mother, she simply has had a severe problem since she was 13 years old. She was very young when this started, and really truly madly deeply believes that no matter what she does, she can not change it. I used to not understand all of this myself, in favt, I once tried to tell her to just shut up, when we get to Denver, you'll see that nothing is going to hurt you. After about 4 minutes of this, and I wore 4 claw marks on my neck for a month!! Attachment 8773

(this was @ ten years ago b.t.w.)Kinda opened my eyes to the reality of the whole situation. I love my wife, and have not tried to pressure her since that time. The children and I do go places however, but not to spite her. They want to go, and she wants them to. She has never forwardly tried to convince them not to... though I do wish she'd not get so upset when we go, or at least try to hide it.

Choux I'd like to question your credibility.

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Originally Posted by Trandy

My wife has a serious problem. It effects her in a very negative manner. Not only her, but my two daughters and myself as well.
She was diagnosed agoraphobic (not sure of spelling), this is defined by Webster's as "the fear of wide open spaces". Her problem though is much more extensive than this. She is always depressed, she must be in control of whatever vehicle she's in, and she seems to me to be o/c. about certain things...for example, she has to have a big ol' coke in her hands as soon as her feet hit the floor. Not just one coke a day though, she buys two at a time, and puts one in the fridge. Most of the time, the one in the fridge is "old," and it remans in there, and she'll go get two more. Not onc a day, not twice a day, but sometimes five or six times a day. There is a stack of big styrofoam cups about three feet high that I have to take to the trash can, every day. She also used to have a stack of straws in her car, "in case they run out at the store." She no longer does the straw thing, because even my girls would laff about it, and after a few months of harmless teasing, she eventually saw the humor in it. All of this o/c stuff is relatively harmless, except for all of the styrofoam in the local landfill, and alittle damage to the pocketbook, but I wanted to point that out for proper diagnosis of her problem.
The travelling thing is the biggest issue. She is very smart!!! She was in advanced math classes throughout high school, and her intire Senior year, she was taking college courses. She was offered many scholarships, but could not accept any of them, as for her problem. I understand her depression!!! This whole travel thing is a big issue when summer roles around. The kids and I want to go places, and she cannot. This sends her into a deep depression, and she does not leave the house the entire time we are gone.
She cries the entire time, and when we call to check in, she makes it obvious (even to the kids) how upset she is. I don't even want to call to check in, but she insists!(she misse us, and I don't blame her)
As we live in rural Texas, the nearest mental help she could get is 96 miles away. The Doctor that diagnosed her was a mental therapist, whatever that means, and she hasn't seen him since she was 16. He moved away to better paying job, and that was the last time ther has been any kind of mental help in this li'l ol' town.
------any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

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You're wife needs to be rediagnosed! If she were a true full fledged agoraphobic she wouldn't leave the house to get a "fresh Coke" exspecially so many times a day.. She needs therepy in a bad way. There are medications to help her enjoy a family life. My husband used to not be able to travel in the car without serious anxiety (to us both because he drove me nuts). Now I don't want to harm him(as much but that's a side seat driver issue)by the time we go somewhere and back. We found out it was his subconscious telling him he was going blind long before we actually knew it. Maybe there is another reason for her issues. Even now mu husband still sees the theripist to help with the anxiety. It doesn't go away. But it can be controlled.

I hope that didn't sound mean. Rereading my answer it seems I came off harsh. I only meant to be helpful. I don't want to be Choux. I'm just speaking from experience since my husband was first diagnosed as an agoraphobic. Second opinion helped

:D Well, I appreciate all of these options and ideas that are being thrown out here. I really like the one about the glasses:D:D and truthfully, I think the diagnosis is what I am questioning. What do you suppose we should do about getting her re- evaluated, as there are no doc.s of this caliber in our small town?
Attachment 8802
y'all are so kind... as for choux, I did ask for "any kind of advice"

Do some searching on "wearable computer".

For instance, this link: Wearable computer provides virtual signposts - 09 October 2001 - New Scientist

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Originally Posted by KeepItSimpleStupid

Do some searching on "wearable computer".

For instance, this link: Wearable computer provides virtual signposts - 09 October 2001 - New Scientist

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Hey they're getting closer...
Better hurry on that patent. I'll be your first customer:D :D :D
Attachment 8804

Hi,
I've had panic disorder since I was a small child. I've been disabled because of it for over 25 years now.

Agoraphobia is a crippling disorder. It stems from irrational thought processes that one just can't comprehend.

It took me many, many, many different tries at different psych meds to be able to find the right combination that worked for me.

Try to find a psychiatrist MD that specializes in panic disorder. Google panic disorder and find some forums to get more info, and she even can find people like her and get some advice on what to do.

I've been where you wife is. We've had to cancel vacations, lose money, too, all because I was too afraid to leave home.

What I ended up doing was something called "behavioral and cognitative therapy" with a separate therapist from the medication prescribing psychiatrist (that's all they're good for, anyway)... and, also, I found an "in vivo" therapist that came to my home and slowly, like baby steps, got me to get out of the house and learn to know that I was safe.

I still panic now, but have learned a lot of tips and strategies and distractions in how to stop an attack in the beginning stages so that I don't go running out of the store thinking I am about to die.

The key thing to tell your wife is, "nothing is or ever will happen to her during an attack. nonone has ever died while having a panic attack"...

I say take your children on the vacation. But, have a bit of tough love with her and say, "If you want us to call and check in, you CAN'T lay a guilt trip on us for leaving you and having fun. You had your chance to come"...

She has to want to get better, also. Seek out some medical/mental help for her, even if it's 100's of miles away. THere is help now, in this day in age, where, when I started having it, the doctors had absolutely no idea how to help me and put me on heavy sedatives and zoned me out. Things are a lot different now as there have been studies done.

She may have a chemical or hormonal imbalance, too. Has she had a medical check up with blood work done lately? Most times it may come back normal, but it's good to have her thyroid and adrenal glands checked.

Hope this was of some help.