Hello everyone, my name is Aj as you all can see. I must say I have been reading over the past couple of hours and you guys are like angels, Give yourself a pat on the back.

Well, I am here because my girlfriend and I have broken up. We had been going together for about a year, and let me tell you, that year was a Hell of a year. Here is the story. She had came out of a relationship from were her ex cheated on her twice. That guy was her first love. Then I came, the knight in shining armor, I showed her that I was as real as it gets and that I loved her so much it made no sense. She told me that no one had ever treated her like I did, and that no one ever showed so much affection, and that she loved it. But one thing she couldn't do is trust me because that's how her, and her ex started. I showed her for a year how much I loved her, and that I would never hurt her in any type of way, and tried and tried. Then I got her. Well time went by and everything was great. But then she stared to do stupid things, like hang out with her guy friends till 5 in the morning, or talk on the phone till 2 in the morning with her guy friends, and text or talk on the phone while we were out. I had put up with it for a while but finally said something about it. She gets mad and just ignores me. She's not a great communicator either. She doesn't show her emotions because she is affriad I might hurt her, and also because it makes her look weak. Then that's when the arguing came to play in our relationship, we would argue all the time when we go out somewere, but at the end of the date, it was like we were a new couple, we couldn't get enough of each other. Well to cut to the point we broke up because she said that we argue too much, and that she was not used to having to answer to someone, and tell what she was doing, and who she was with all the time. I only wanted to know because I care for her and did not want anything to happen to her, and if it did I would know who she is with and were she was, I never once told her she could not go somewere because I didn't like them or were there were going. Well we talked and she said that she still loves me and wants to be with me, I told her that was nice but there is a big difference between loving and being in love. She said that us arguing was making her fall out of love with me. She also stated the reason she would lie and sneak out was because I always wanted a tag on were she was going and who with. Help me out guys, I am confused, I was the guy she couldn't get enough of and now she feels that I argue too much and that I have to know her were abouts all the time. I love this girl so much, it is hurting me inside being aprt from her. Help me please.

I know it's hard, but it's not really confusing when you remember people mean what they say, usually, at the moment they say them. But we tend to remember things said as if they held some eternal truth. They don't. They are true only in context. Does that make sense?

Everything she said, she felt and meant. And later, when she says she doesn't like the way your relationship is going, she means that, too. When she said she wanted independence again, she meant that.

Notice, none of that invalidates that you treated her well and she appreciated it. It's just... well... time has moved on.

You're dating in the search for someone whom you admire, who has a life and worldview you can respect, who makes you feel like a better person when you're around them, and who is at the same point in their life in terms of looking for a lifemate. That's a LOT of things that have to come together, isn't it?

Notice, that list doesn't include the "we love each other" line.. That part takes care of itself. People only date people they like, so we ignore this part. You date to figure out ALL THE OTHER THINGS other than love.

So, dude, get back on that horse. Take everything you've learned and stay in the game. This is all a positive growth experience.

Wow thanks that was fast, but the thing is last I saw her its like she wanted to be all nice and tell me I need new work pants and that she is going to get me some new work pants ( I work at Advance auto parts ) and she saw some dirt on my arm and when out of her way to spit on her finger and wipe it off, and then saw some dirt on my arm and poured bottled water on her hand to rub my arm down. I am confused!! I was kind of needy and always wanted to be around her. I do indeed need to learn that m y girl is a part of my world, not my world. I did the whole ditch my friends cause I wanted all her time. I do regret doing that also. I remember in the beginning when I would be busy and not call her that much and see her, she couldn't get enough of me. But then I made myself available to her. She said that we didn't spend enough time together. Does she want? She told me she always wanted someone to car for her and want to know what she is doing and were she is at and just F ing Care. So I did and now tis like she doesn't like it. I am so confused.

She may not want to be close, too close and when she does get that way, she does things to chase you away.

But you have to determine if she is "your girl" I still may have my doubts, if she cares for you, then she will also not be doing all the things she did to hurt you, if she was not hanging with friends to 2 am, before and just started at some point, she is wanting to change the relationship to one that is less close.

My guess , you are wanting the relationship to progress to a more serious level, she is wanting to back it off to a more open dating level.

She was hanging with them before I came, but then she stopped and put all her attention on me. I told her not to, but she did not listen. I guess I became acustome to her new ways instead of her old and real ways. Like I stated before I really had a life in the beginning and that really balanced things out, but now that I have made time for her it's like I am giving too much time. Like when I don't pay attention to her, she becomes that perfect girl for me, and does everything right and can't get enough of me. It's like I have to act like I don't care to get her to care? Know what I mean?

There's a lesson to be learned here. This girl seems to do best when the guy she likes has a life of his own. His own interests, hobbies, friends, activities... and then this guy makes some appropriate amount of time for her without giving up on any of his other stuff.

Remember that. It's very important. A confident and involved man is attractive to a woman. When that man turns all his attention to the girl, it can become unattractive quite quickly.

It sound like she's a "Fonzie girl". So, be cool, dude. And your relationship will improve again. Maybe worth a second shot, but you'll be fine if she stays or goes, right? Fonzie would be cool about the whole thing.

Whateeeeeever... Heeeeeeeey!

I think this is a great chance to have your own independent, balanced life, doing what you enjoy. Keep the memories special, and go, and make new ones with new people.

Keep it all balenced and steady and everything will fall into place like it always does. Don't ever rush it and also I wish you a good luck!

Thanks Guys, But can I ask y'all one thing. Why Does NC Hurt so F&!^$*#$ Much!! It's like it actually burns. WOW!

She called, I did answer. What do I do?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ajhastings88

She called, i did answer. what do i do?

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What did you do when she called is more the question.

Sorry I meant to say I didn't answer, I just saw my typo.

Remember, you can EDIT your posts for the for the first 24 hours, so you can go back and fix your typos.

It hurts because it feelings of love are like a drug. You're going through a kind of "withdrawal" and that takes time. Nothing else will do.

Every time she reaches out to you, it's like you did your drug again and have to start the withdrawal process again. That's why a TRUE NC doesn't let you receive this "outreach" attempts at all. You truly cut contact and make it so you don't even know when SHE'S doing it.

It's hard in the meantime. No shortcuts, no tricks.

To avoid confusion, drama, false hope, hurt feelings, humiliation, crying like a friggin baby, don't answer. That's the BEST way to heal, and move on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ajhastings88

Hello everyone, my name is Aj as you all can see. I must say i have been reading over the past couple of hours and you guys are like angels, Give your self a pat on the back.

Well, I am here because my girlfriend and i have broken up. We had been going together for about a year, and let me tell you, that year was a Hell of a year. Here is the story. she had came out of a relationship from were her ex cheated on her twice. That guy was her first love. Then i came, the knight in shining armor, i showed her that i was as real as it gets and that i loved her so much it made no sense. she told me that no one had ever treated her like i did, and that no one ever showed so much affection, and that she loved it. But one thing she couldn't do is trust me because thats how her, and her ex started off. I showed her for a year how much i loved her, and that i would never hurt her in any type of way, and tried and tried. then i got her. Well time went by and everything was great. but then she stared to do stupid things, like hang out with her guy friends till 5 in the morning, or talk on the phone till 2 in the morning with her guy friends, and text or talk on the phone while we were out. I had put up with it for a while but finally said something about it. she gets mad and just ignores me. she's not a graet communicator either. she doesnt show her emotions because she is affriad i might hurt her, and also because it makes her look weak. then thats when the arguing came to play in our relationship, we would argue all the time when we go out somewere, but at the end of the date, it was like we were a new couple, we couldnt get enough of each other. well to cut to the point we broke up because she said that we argue to much, and that she was not used to having to answer to someone, and tell what she was doing, and who she was with all the time. i only wanted to know because i care for her and did not want anything to happen to her, and if it did i would know who she is with and were she was, i never once told her she could not go somewere because i didnt like them or were there were going. Well we talked and she said that she still loves me and wants to be with me, i told her that was nice but there is a big difference between loving and being in love. she said that us arguing was making her fall out of love with me. she also stated the reason she would lie and sneak out was because i always wanted a tag on were she was going and who with. help me out guys, i am confused, i was the guy she couldnt get enough of and now she feels that i argue too much and that i have to know her were abouts all the time. I love this girl so much, it is hurting me inside being aprt from her. help me please.

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Well you need to be strong and learn from this its just this if she truly cares she would've put your feellings into play but since she did not she is not worth your time

My first impression is that you two were both fairly new to the love game (you especially). You made the rookie mistakes: ditching your friends, committing WAY too much WAY to soon, driving her away. It all sounds like the perfect thing to do, doesn't it? Well it isn't and its one of the hard lessons to learn in life.

We have been there and we know how stupid it all sounds to right now. You loved her, so you wanted to give her everything, just to find out now that's exactly what drove her away. Yeah, it is stupid, I agree. When you said you should have made her part of your world, not your whole world, you understood what went wrong.

Just take what happened as a life experience. You need to learn from your mistakes like we have. Once you learn, you can be assured that next time it will be much easier. Breaking up is a skill.

How long should I go with this NC, because I am going Crazy!! She is the type of girl that tries to act like a dude, hide her emotions, and tries to take control. But I have seen her real person. I know she is a caring, emotional girl. To tell the truth it doesn't really hurt anymore, it's just in the mornings.

Had to spread it again..bigbird but you are so right. He should never have ditched his friends or other goals in his life.

OK, now my 2-cent's worth:
Most young ladies on the 'rebound' which have not themselves healed and still carry a lot of baggage from the last relationship tend to test the next individual - even if just subconsciously.

You said that she is not much of a talker, but she certainly told you all about her last BF who cheated on her. This means she has not totally forgotten him.

During the 'test' phase, a girl will test if you are willing to give everything up for her (and when you do, she'll think you are a softy) - so go figure! She will also demand more time for herself and if you go along with that, guess what.. she will think that you don't care enough to restrict her actions - again, go figure! In other words, she is still confused as to what she wants in a partnership and until she does, she will be displeased no matter what you do. There is nothing you can say or do to change her mind because she probably does not even know what it is exactly that she wants. Once she figures herself out,she might realize what you tried to do for her, but this is going to have to be her doing and take the time that she need to get there. This is not under your control.

What is under your control is that you take charge of your life again, spend time with your friends and do what pleases you. Do it being fully aware that this will cause you sleepless nights, painful memories and frustration. Also anger over the entire situation. But you did nothing wrong... it's just the circumstance - in other words Sh*t Happens - Now, what we do with it and how we cope is under our control, so get control back over your mind and emotions.

The fist four stickies in the Relationship Section were composed by people who took a lot of time and effort to make things easier for you - be you the dumper or dumpee - because as humans, we all go through this - sometimes more than once in our lives and they wanted to share and prove to you that you too will survive it. The crucial factor here is TIME.. some get over it and take only a few months, some take a year. This depends on your strength and ability to work with yourself.

As a woman, I strongly suggest that you never try to second-guess or figure us out. Heck there are times in our lives when we don't even know what we want from one day to the other. It depends on our ability to mature and how much turmoil and time it will take for us to realize what we really want. This too takes TIME and it's the human factor that can really be frustrating to both sexes.

So, my dear, suck it up and keep on trucking. Stay with us and we will help you in your healing process wherever we can - and I sincerely hope that your healing process won't take too long. We cannot prevent missing what we no longer have, but this will fade - in TIME.

You deserve someone to mature with and share more than arguments with - so get to work.

P.S. If it hurts in the mornings only, get new lamps or alarm clock and change the curtains - when the scenery changes, maybe the 'morning-pain' will too. Oh, and NO CONTACT.. listen to talaniman and JBeaucaire

Good luck and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gif

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Originally Posted by ajhastings88

how long should i go with this NC, because i am going Crazy!!!! She is the type of girl that tries to act like a dude, hide her emotions, and tries to take control. but i have seen her real person. I know she is a caring, emotional girl. To tell the truth it doesnt really hurt anymore, it's just in the mornings.

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Until you don't want to talk to her anymore.

Guys I need your help, IT hurts SO BAD. It's like I can feel it in my stomach and in the bottom of my heart. God I miss her... Man do I miss her... how can I love someone so much that it shows physically? I need you guys, your all I got right now.