I have a 9 year old son, who has touched my 5 year old daughter. The way I found out is that she searched for sex on the internet. Normally I leave her on nick jr or disney. I later looked up the history... Pre teen son (11) who is curious and I like checking up. So I blamed him and placed cybernanny on the computer. Needless to say he got angry and she came and admitted it and told me what she saw?!

I began probing and asking why would she want to see that. I thought to ask if her brothers ever shown her their nasty parts, she said the 9 year old. So I asked her if she ever showed him hers and she said yes (after I told her to tell me the truth)... I then asked her if he ever touched her nasty parts. She said yes. :eek:

I am disgusted right now and I don't know what to do from here. I know if I tell my husband he is going to lock the 9 year old son's door and bring the belt. I don't want this to happen again, and I don't know how to do this civilly. I am angry and hurt. My husband told me this would happen if I left them alone for too long. My daughter doesn't know how wrong this is, but I tried to explain it to her. I don't want to embarrass her too much so I am delaying the TALK with my son. She looks up to him soooo much. I wanted to blame my eldest but he is innocent. My husband was looking to say that the eldest would've been the likely one, but no the one we would never had thought of. He is so quiet and sweet.

I don't even want to look at him. I don't want to think of him as a sick person, so I am asking for help. Any advice would be appreciated.

If he has done this do not blame it a curiosity. Calling you child's parts nasty can in the future create issue. My son knew that his parts were a penis and a butt. Using words like those can create confusion. I would in the future remove the computure from where it is now and place it in your family room or kitchen. Teach yourchild that her vagina and butt are her private parts and no one should touch them except herself.

I just spoke with her on that. It was the simplist way to say it at the time. I have been reading books on how to talk to your child about sex (my 11 year old is super curious). I know you need to be upfront, and bear in mind the age and where to take it. But I just had a talk with her about her vagina. And told her to never be scared to tell me about anything and I will never be angry at her. I told her that NO ONE is to ever touch her there except a doctor with me in the room. Not even dad. And if anyone tries to scream as loud as she can (which could shatter windows). I just needed a moment to grasp what I heard.


It bothers me extremely because I was molested by a step brother when I was young and no one ever believed me. I am afraid I will take it out on my son.

Nasty parts? I don't get why you would even start to teach your child that our private parts are nasty... In my opinion that is the problem. In our house we are not ashamed, we don't make fun of or even care about our private parts. My children up to the "I wanna be private" part of their lives, took baths together and with me, I never once had an issue and to this day only normal questions were asked.
Ma'am, you need to make sure you are in full control of your kids when they are on the computer and have some serious open talks with the kids... ONE ON ONE not all together. No one needs to be embarrassed, they need to be taught the right and wrong. Your daughter even at age 5 should be knowing inappropriate touches and to come to you when and if it ever happens. Your son needs to know too! Good luck with this. You need to talk! You need to listen... then you got to talk some more.

It might be time to talk to a family counselor. I wish you the best

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Originally Posted by pommom

I just spoke with her on that. It was the simplist way to say it at the time. I have been reading books on how to talk to your child about sex (my 11 year old is super curious). I know you need to be upfront, and bear in mind the age and where to take it. But I just had a talk with her about her vagina. And told her to never be scared to tell me about anything and I will never be angry at her. I told her that NO ONE is to ever touch her there except a doctor with me in the room. Not even dad. And if anyone tries to scream as loud as she can (which could shatter windows). I just needed a moment to grasp what I heard.


It bothers me extremely because I was molested by a step brother when I was young and no one ever believed me. I am afraid I will take it out on my son.

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This is great that you have already started. How about your son, you got to be able to talk to him too. Your five year old needs to know... especially now. Don't feel uncomfortable, you will do fine, once you start talking they aremost likely going to ask more questions. I understand about being weary. But the best thing to do is to have a talk with each one of your kids separately.;)

Time to talk it out.

I remember being in 5th grade and at a skating party. I had a "girlfriend" and her best friend took my hand and placed it on her crotch. My "gf" was shocked... as was I...

Point is, the kids need some direction.

Don't think of your 9 year old as a predator... but understand he's curious and unsure. Let him know the boundaries.

I doubt he meant anything malicious... but he was curious and unsure.

Time to talk to him about sex... what's acceptable and what isn't.

The days of leaving these talks to the HS years are long gone.

Yes this sounds curious, remember by 10 some kids are starting to become sexual active in the US, by 12 a small percentage of girls get pregnant in the US. It is long past time for sex talks with the kids.

And many kids used to play doctor in the old days to discover the difference. But yes the days of finding it out in a national geographic magazne and in high school is long long gone.

We get kids on here all the time 13 or so who can't understand why they should be dating 17 or 18 year olds.

I knew the kids grew up earlier, but never would imagine this. I can't make light of this because my daughter is so young and may feel the regret or emotional distress later in life if she remembers.

I am really upset, and I had to talk to my husband about this, I can't not just tell him... We decided to have a heart to heart with all the children. I just still can't believe. But just goes to show, start early and don't ignore anything. BUT 5 years old?? When my children have children will it be 3? Or 2? This is seriously a reality check for me. I didn't think it was necessary until at least the 5th grade. Where is the innocense? What is happening to the children now?

I am calming down now and releasing anger with my husband on the phone. But I got to get him where he doesn't ruin the relationship that you can have with your child concerning sex. I want an open relationship where if they have a question or concern they won't be embarrassed to ask me, or tell me what is going on. I was not given this option and I went with peer influence. I regret a lot and I don't want them to go through that. This is why I am here. I want to be a pro active parent. I want to be in touch with the things they go through and try to help them get through it.

I am not shy to counseling or therapy actually I encourage it. So I may be thinking of family counseling soon. But one on one talks are necessary now.


Thank you guys, you probably saved me from doing things I knew would be negative to my family.

Yes, And if the children play with neighborhood kids or have contact with older kids, I know some personally who at 9 and 10 have been either asked, pressured, or talked into activities by 14 and 15 year old boys, oler brothers of their friends and so on.

For a wake up call, not sure how to find them, but here, do some searches for 12 or 13 year old girls, go to Facebook or that other profile place?? Forgot, but see ifyou can find young teen girls or pre teens and see what they post on their web sites.

But so often we have to educate them, not because of them, but because of society and what they run into, and if they are not aware, they can become victims since they don't know better.
And best to learn the truth, than some of the silly things they learn.

Do you know how many come here and believe that the boyfriend pulling ut is a birth control method, it is sad.

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Originally Posted by pommom

I knew the kids grew up earlier, but never would imagine this. I can't make light of this because my daughter is so young and may feel the regret or emotional distress later in life if she remembers.

I am really upset, and I had to talk to my husband about this, I can't not just tell him... We decided to have a heart to heart with all the children. I just still can't believe. But just goes to show, start early and don't ignore anything. BUT 5 years old????? When my children have children will it be 3? or 2? This is seriously a reality check for me. I didn't think it was necessary until at least the 5th grade. Where is the innocense? What is happening to the children now?

I am calming down now and releasing anger with my husband on the phone. But I gotta get him where he doesn't ruin the relationship that you can have with your child concerning sex. I want an open relationship where if they have a question or concern they wont be embarrassed to ask me, or tell me what is going on. I was not given this option and I went with peer influence. I regret alot and I don't want them to go through that. This is why I am here. I want to be a pro active parent. I want to be in touch with the things they go through and try to help them get through it.


I am not shy to counseling or therapy actually I encourage it. So I may be thinking of family counseling soon. But one on one talks are necessary now.


Thank you guys, you probably saved me from doing things I knew would be negative to my family.

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I have tears in my eyes... I see you are truly a good mom that only wants what is best for her kids. Talking with your five year old is going to be different with the 9 year old and talking with the 11 year old is going to be different than the 9 year old. They are all in different stages, they need the same boundaries but in different words. They will be more apt to tell you things if you are upfront with the facts than if you just say this is yucky and nothing to back it up. You have to keep talking to them, they have to feel comfortable talking to you and not feel like they are going to be punish for everything they do. They need to know they can say things to you in confidence and trust you with their words. You are calmed, I can see it already;)

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Originally Posted by pommom

Where is the innocense? What is happening to the children now?

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I live in a very rural community, a backwater if you will, yet... What is happening to the children now is that they spend a significant chunk of every day growing up by themselves in the savage jungle known as the public education system. Least, that's how I remember it. The first naked woman I saw was in a Penthouse that was being passed around the schoolbus during the ride home. I was in the 3rd or 4th grade. Once your child starts public school, their innocence ends. I don't know if it is ever really there. Unless you lock your kids in the closet until they are 18, they are absorbing this "wonderful" world of ours from day one.