Heloo there,

I am married for the last 10 months and in our religion we will not have sex before marriage. So me and my husband didn't have any experience before marriage. But now I feel my husband is not stimulating me at all to have good sex and he will not do anything to me. Also, the main problem is he will ejaculate very fast. After entering my vagina, he will be done in few seconds. Is that a problem? Also, his penis is very small. When it is active, I think its only 3 to 3 1/2 inches. So I am really worried about that.

One more important thing is, I have never exeprienced Orgasm in my sex life with my husband. He says, women will not experience orgasm at all. Is that true?

Please help me find some answers to improve my married life with my husband. I am very desperate and depressed.

Thanks a lot,

I'm sure a lot of men reading this may be glad if their wife does not have a computer and access to the internet!

Open and honest communication will be the key to resolving your issues. But, if he has heard you complain about how long he lasts, or how big he isn't, then there has been severe damage to his manhood and ego.

The old saying practice makes perfect could apply here.

Are you at least able to discuss, without putting him down, what is is that you would like for him to do to pleasure you? Have you asked him what you can do to help pleasure him?

You got to talk about it, gracefully that is, and if you both can be open and honest, you can have a better love life, it just takes some work.

Well first the size is not the issue, his not lasting, but you first need to know on your own body where and how you get excieted and can have a orgasm. Then you will have to talk to him about it, guilde him and show him how you like things. Also he should consider perhaps masturbation the day before or the morning before to see if that will help him last longer)

But if he will work at enough foreplay before he starts that should help with part of the issue

Well what can your religion allow? Can you self stimulate yourself to orgasm? Can he perform oral on you... though given his statement about how women simply don't experience orgasm, I won't be surprised if he isn't willing to be a giving lover.

The facts are this: some women experience orgasm just fine. Some need to explore their bodies to understand their needs. Some have difficulty no matter what they try.

Also, much of sex is mental, not just physical. If you aren't being properly sensitized, if you cannot lose yourself in the moment, if you cannot believe that your lover will do everything he can to get you to orgasm, there's a good likelihood you won't.

I can do all the "right" things to my partner. The things she loves and craves... but if she's not mentally relaxed and ready it will never work or it'll take a lot longer to get her there.

Its not uncommon for a woman to have some trouble when she's first starting. Its much easier for the man. The woman's body needs to be more sensitized sometimes, the mental side can be huge, and the position of the cl!toris means some sex positions don't give you the right stimulation you need.

To get my lover to hit orgasm I common perform oral, as it provides physical sensations that simply don't come from intercourse, and during intercourse she might take a dominant position, such as woman on top, to have better penetration and stimulation with a rowing type of motion. Also, she isn't afraid to self stimulate herself while I am in her.

So... some women have no problem at all reaching orgasm with little foreplay and any penetration. I've only dated one woman like this. All others had needs and wants that were specific to how their body responded.

And again, don't neglect the mental side. If you don't think your lover is trying to please you, if you can't trust he is interested in your pleasure, you mind will block out anything good happening and prevent orgasm.

So... can you self stimulate? Can you receive oral? Can you stand up and ask for the things you need?

By the way... if he is small, that doesn't mean he cannot please you. He might be limited in some positions and he might not stimulate you in all the ways a bigger man could, but seriously... if all else is done right, he could get you off.

One more thing... don't assume a man knows how to please you. His body is different than yours. Most of the instinctual stuff is just wrong. A man has to train himself to hold back, to focus on the woman, to be able to sensitize her in ways her body needs even if its against his desires... its not something a man learns because he drops his pants.

So he gets some pass for being ignorant. He's beginning too. But that's no excuse for staying ignorant. Much of what I've learned about sex that was really useful came from the lips of women who cared enough about their sexuality to ask for more, even demand it.

I think that you both need to get immediate joint counselling from your 'minister, priest, rabbi, imam', depending on what religion you are talking about.

Then, get back to us here on the board with particulars if you need our input.

? What religion states that you cannot treat your woman with respect and make her feel nice??

He is misinformed about human (female) sexual response and sounds a little arrogant to me, he could do with some couples counselling and a definite attutude adjustment-he perhaps needs to be told that NO hei s not a good lover, NO he does not make you feel nice and YES this could change if he spends some time attending to your sexual needs. This may take the focus off his premature ejaculation issues.

I could go on but I won't.