My girlfriend very rarely orgasms during penetration. She has no problem getting there during foreplay or masturbation but it is extremely rare that she gets there again during penetration. This has always been the case for her not only with me. Any ideas?

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Originally Posted by jimmyjones11111

My girlfriend very rarely orgasms during penetration. She has no problem getting there during foreplay or masturbation but it is extremely rare that she gets there again during penetration. This has always been the case for her not only with me. Any ideas?

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What positions are you using, cause some positions hit the G-spot more than others... also the shape of your penis... penis's that angle a little more upwards hit the g-spot a little easier... do you know where the G-spot is located?

Different women just respond differently. Some have more difficulty than others, some can hit orgasm regularly with intercourse. She isn't broken. You aren't broken.

Her biggest errogenous zone is her mind. The biggest physical errogenous zone is her skin. Yes, the g spot can be important to some (and complely useless to others). Yes, the cl!toris is important to almost all (tho, again, some find it too sensitive). Point is, all you can do is talk and try different things.

She isn't broken. You aren't broken.

I've said here before if I had to get my lover off "or else" there's a whole series of things id do. Shed be rested. Shed be mentally relaxed. No kids around. Clean house. Shed take a hot shower. Shed come into a warm room. Id work my hands up and down her body with a slow massage. Id kiss her neck to pelvis and pull her to the edge of the bed and give oral to completion.

Period. That's is what would work the best for her if we were talking %'s. Or id have my hands and mouth on her while she self stimulated.

With intercourse, there are some positions that work better than others. Missionary feels good to her, but it doesn't get her off. This has been her experience with me and other men. She's more responsive to girl on top positions, and still often needs some self stim with her finger to reach orgasm. Its how she's wired.

Since the g spot was proposed decades ago, its been a mixed result. Women who are responsive to stim of the spongy erectile tissue that is over the urethra have one more "trick" in their bag. Women who have little to no response there feel frustrated, perhaps like they are broken. A recent study suggested some women are poorly innervated in this region, leading to poor response, but there's still lots of debate on this one that's relevant for those who feel little pleasure from g spot stim.

In my experience, women can be completely different concerning physical response. One girl could easily get off with constant g spot stim. Another sometimes could. And another never, ever got off with penetration without directly stimulating her cl!toris, either with her finger or mine. And then there's stim at the cl!t... one could take hard pressure or a strong lashing of the tongue, and another needed the softest, wettest touch. So the physical side takes exploration.

Has she tried kegel exercises?

And, as mentioned, mentally she might be not completely amped... not saying you aren't taking the time on her... I'm saying can you optimize all the things that can throw up blocks... like when is she most interested? Is she stressed? Does she exercise? Get good sleep? Is she comfortable in the space you are intimate, meaning its clean, protected, private, nobody is going to come around a corner and "catch" you? Do you use protection? Is she worried about pregnancy? How is the relationship outside the bedroom... things running smoothly?

You are doing the right thing by talking about it. Try not to be frustrated and try not to put pressure on her. Find a way to talk about sex and have it be exploring the possibilities and not about what's "wrong".

One good way is to find a book you like, read it, and share it. For ex, get a good book on massage or sensual touch. You both read it and talk about what you'd like to try. Massage is a great way to build up sexual tension, sensitize the skin, get the blood pooling in errogenous zones like the genitals and breasts, and overall is a way to connect skin on skin. Its good to make contact, build trust. Good to build a connection even when the intention isn't about sex at all.

Personally, much of what is considered foreplay for some... kissing, necking, breast play, etc... I think is best left to later. Once your mouth is biting at her neck, that sensation is felt, new for a time, and then the response is diminished. So save it for a plateau. I'm very sensitive to ear biting or neck play, but I all but push my lover back from it until I'm ready for a step up in sensations. Likewise, breast play with my lover early on is OK briefly, but she likes none in the middle, and only certain breast stim late to push her over the top. Getting off track... point was skin on skin though sensual touch is a good way to build up tension and reading and sharing a book about this isn't odd or strange.

You mention foreplay or self stim gets her off. Buy and read "she comes first"... mostly about how to get her off orally, but written well. Not an icky book. My partner ran into it at a book store and immediately thought there were things that sounded good to her. We bought it. Both read it. And learned. Wed had good success with oral before, but it went from getting her there most of the time orally to all of the time. So another book to read and share and talk about, and one that is easy to read and not feel like you are looking at some dirty book. There are lots of other books out there, find something that interests you both and see if anything is useful.

Even if you don't find some new "trick", you'll have opened up a new level of communication sexually that will help you out the rest of your life.

Last quick note... my partner has a cute little pink vibe. Its not a dildo. Its about the width of your pinky, a little longer than that finger, with an oval, flattened end. She's used this before during intercourse with good results. If she's not self stimulating during intercourse, like if she's on top, with either her finger or a vibe, she should try it if nothing else works. As I mentioned, my partner often needs this to push her over the top, and there's no shame in using all your errogenous zones as best you can.

It is my opinion that some women get stuck in *mastabutory type* sexual release. That feels very good, and I'm not condemning it. In America we live in a society where about half of women are not orgasmic with their husbands. This shows me that society and culture have done a super negative number on some woman's ability to enjoy their sexuality... there is lots of mental clutter to overcome for a woman from the damage done to them by religion and mother and whatever.

Copulatory type sexual bliss requires a different mind set and level of passion from clitoral stumulation only. It is all about what's in a woman's head... it has to be passion in the moment, a less mechanical approach than clitoral stimulation, in my opinion. :)

How for her to add more fullness to her orgasmic experience?? Well, I would suggest that she read erotica(not porn), have sex in surprising places not in her home, fantasize about things that turn her on, simply take responsibility for improving her own sex life! :)

Best wishes going forward,