Ask Me Help Desk - Daughters grad open house who to invite.

I wrote this once but somereason it didn't submit. So here goes. My ex left appox 9 yrs ago for another woman. My daughter that is now graduating was adopted by him the only father she knows. She seldom visits there claiming she can't stand his wife and her"evil daughter"She wanted her dad to come to her open house , but not the stepmom and step sister who is around 15. So I sent the graduation invite addressed to all of them but did not include and open house invite. She wanted her grandparents invited but I decided if the ex and his wife did not get an invitation I shouldn't send one to his divorced parents and their spouses , nor did I send one to his sister and her family. Now the ex has questioned our other two children why he didn't get an open house invite. So today I spoke with him and explained why and told him he was welcome by himself or suggested he might have a small gathering for her at his house for his family. He said his mother was upset and this is not how things work!! How has anyone else handled these situations with special occasions? I feel my daughter should be comfortable on this day and should I. I don't really want his wife and step daughter here either. She seldom has anything to do with my children, she frequently leaves when they go to their house. Should this of been handled much differently? Please advise

I don't know why you didn't invite the grand parents. Invite all of the family. Those that want to come will, and those that don't want to will stay home.
There will probably be enough people there you won't notice any way.
She is graduating HS getting ready for the real world and one of the things one must learn is how to handle being around people you may not care for.
It's one day, do the right thing and invite them all.

My family and I have been somewhere similar to this. My father has a mail order bride from Ukraine( we'll call her mail order) that he has married and divorced three times. My father is a doctor so we all know she is after his money. She convinced him to buy her a house in Ukraine, a condo in Nevada (where they live), her mother a house, buy her a few cars etc... Well this woman has caused serious problems with the ENTIRE family (granparents, aunt uncle and cousins) so at the time of my sisters college graduation party mail order and my father were divorced, but still seeing each other. My sis was having her party at my aunts house from our moms side of the family. My moms side of the family is huge! There's like 60 people from there that went, and my dads side of the family is small, I only have one aunt and uncle two cousins on that side. Well my dad comes into town with mail order, he calls my sister the night before her party saying if mail order can't go, he's not going. That tore her apart. It was one of my sisters proudest moments and he chose his three times divorced ex wife over his own child. We still invited my dads brother, his wife, and their two kids, and we still invited our grandparents from that side because they are still family regardless if our parents were together or not. You really should have invited the grandparents, but you do not have to invite the stepmom and step sister. I understand learning to be around people we don't like, but in situations like this, one would not invite someone they are not fond of to something like this.

You invite who the daughter wants to be invited and go on with life, since it is her event and should be all about and for her

Quote:

Originally Posted by Becca1025

My family and i have been somewhere similar to this. My father has a mail order bride from Ukraine( we'll call her mail order) that he has married and divorced three times. My father is a doctor so we all know she is after his money. She convinced him to buy her a house in Ukraine, a condo in Nevada (where they live), her mother a house, buy her a few cars etc... Well this woman has caused serious problems with the ENTIRE family (granparents, aunt uncle and cousins) so at the time of my sisters college graduation party mail order and my father were divorced, but still seeing each other. My sis was having her party at my aunts house from our moms side of the family. My moms side of the family is huge! There's like 60 people from there that went, and my dads side of the family is small, I only have one aunt and uncle two cousins on that side. Well my dad comes into town with mail order, he calls my sister the night before her party saying if mail order can't go, he's not going. That tore her apart. It was one of my sisters proudest moments and he chose his three times divorced ex wife over his own child. We still invited my dads brother, his wife, and their two kids, and we still invited our grandparents from that side because they are still family regardless if our parents were together or not. You really should have invited the grandparents, but you do not have to invite the stepmom and step sister. I understand learning to be around people we dont like, but in situations like this, one would not invite someone they are not fond of to something like this.

Regardless of how you feel about your father's wife, he chose her and continues to choose her. He knows what he is doing, so treating her like crap is wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Regardless of how you feel about your father's wife, he chose her and continues to choose her. He knows what he is doing, so treating her like crap is wrong.

Just because my sister did not invite the ex wife to HER party does not mean we are treating her like crap. My sisters party was for family and friends, and the exwife is neither. Without knowing more of the ENTIRE situation through all the years, you have no right to assume we are the ones treating her like crap.

I'm with Homegirl. It's one day with lots of guests plus the ex's wife and her daughter are part of your extended family. I say take the high road and be the gracious hostess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Becca1025

Just because my sister did not invite the ex wife to HER party does not mean we are treating her like crap. My sisters party was for family and friends, and the ex wife is neither. Without knowing more of the ENTIRE situation through all the years, you have no right to assume we are the ones treating her like crap.

You call her "mail order" if that is not disrespect, I don't know what is. You can at least call the woman by her name. That is rude. But you're right I don't know the entire situation. I just think not addressing someone by their name, no matter the situation is rude.
At any rate I don't want to take away from the PO topic.

Oh well your opinion is your opinion. Just don't ASSume anything.