Hi everyone I'm new here so first of all like to say hi!

I'm really confused, I've been single now for 3 years after being in a long relationship. I've had various dates with guys and obviously they haven't worked out. You can say I've experienced quite a bit about dating and really I now know what I am looking for in a guy. During the 3 years guys that have asked for my number have usually called and we've dated, but we have never suited. I met this nice guy on Saturday night bumped into him whilst we were in a que and then bumped into him in various bars after that. Eventually I suggested that him and his friend just tag along with me and mine and we ended up having a good night. I gave this guy ny number and we discussed meeting up. Now its been 3 days and I haven't heard anything. Its really confused me though because we really got on and I got a vib from him that he liked me too. Can anyone give me advice on what may have gone wrong?

Some guys have you knoww problems. Im not saying problems with the head or something. He probably had something to do.. Or something happanded that he didn't get to you. Wait after a few days and email me and tell me what happens...

in the other hand... iff afterrr alott of days he neevr callleddd... say perhaps you saw him with a smile and shyttt one dayy... thenn nah... he was playinq you...

my point is right noww... I don't wantt you to waste your timee.. soo no worries.. if he turns out to be a player.. wat ever... I always tell everyone.. life iss too short... forgive and move on...
=]]get at mee... if anythinq getzz wronqqq...

how old you 2??

Ooook so does anyone understand what Ladieedee21 was saying? no.. OK so don't stress girl.. honestly I know a lot of guys that meet girls at the bar and only use them for sex.. it's not really a place to be meeting guys anyway, I mean you really don't know anything about this dude.. he was probably drinking that night, he could had lost your number, could had found another girl to go home with, he could have forgotten because he was drunk, there are so many could hads.. why stress over it? It's not meant to be if he doesn't call you.. I suggest you don't use the bars for your platform to meet men, it's not a healthly environment.. get into things that interest you and you will find people that way..

Thanks for the response, I'm 31. Why would a guy play you especially after nothing really happened? I don't know it wrecks my head all this.

X

I wouldn't exactly say that he's playing you, he just probably lost interest, he' busy, or he just forgot.. there are millions of reasons and don't take them personally, why bog yourself down on such a small thing, don't let people define who you are... you want to meet a nice guy that you could eventually settle down with right? Why do you want that to be some dude you met at a bar? Don't even waste a second more of your time beating yourself down and move on girl!

Yahh.. Im guessinqq that he isn't playingg.. give it time if you wantt... but in generall... girll... if these men are acting like thatt then perhaps find someone who would really be into you..

You seem to be spending your time hunting for good guys where the bad ones hang out. That's not going to change much.

If you really want better prospects, you need to meet men in places where you already have shared common interests outside of dating. You need to get a lot of irons in the fire, join a bunch of groups, outdoorsy things, travel things, volunteering things, political rallies and campaigns, church singles, college groups...

Anywhere people gather to get involved in some useful or fun activity, do that. Instead of man-hunting, you're "life hunting". The men you come in contact in those environments will be much better suited for you all the way around.

I agree with JB, as the local meat markets, and singles hang outs, are not for long term healthy relationships. They are for people hooking up, and a guy can get plenty of numbers including yours.

Hi, he has contacted me however been quite cool! I'm not to bothered to be honest but at least he's contacted. I think maybe I was worrying unnecessarily. I take on board what your all saying but honestly not all bad men go out drinking! I'm not saying this guy is any good, who knows but I have a lot of lovely male friends who go out drinking and socialising and some guys who go bars and don't even drink it's the norm these days.

I was out drinking in a few bars, does that mean I too am out too do play with someone's mind or just have a one night stand? No I'm not.

And in response to JB reply I don't spend my time 'hunting for good guys' I spend my time trying to enjoy life.

JB I've just noticed are you from California, if so I'm from the UK. Maybe things are different here than there. I'm not saying your wrong but to tar everyone with the same brush is steretyping. Am I right?

Maybe he is just shy. What if he is at home thinking why hasn't she called me?

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Originally Posted by JBeaucaire

If you really want better prospects, you need to meet men in places where you already have shared common interests outside of dating. You need to get a lot of irons in the fire, join a bunch of groups, outdoorsy things, travel things, volunteering things, political rallies and campaigns, church singles, college groups...

Anywhere people gather to get involved in some useful or fun activity, do that. Instead of man-hunting, you're "life hunting". The men you come in contact in those environments will be much better suited for you all the way around.

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Originally Posted by josie31

JB i've just noticed are you from California, if so I'm from the UK. Maybe things are different here than there. i'm not saying your wrong but to tar everyone with the same brush is steretyping. am i right?

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LOL, I don't think any major city or country is lacking in "good places" and activities to get involved in to meet a better group of prospects than those hanging out at the pubs. Anyone want to pipe in here?

Which stereotypes are you referring to? I thought I just listed a beginner's list of alternate places to meet people. Is that stereotyping? If so, I apologize. I expected you would take that list and add ideas of your own.

JB you quoted:

"You seem to be spending your time hunting for good guys where the bad ones hang out. That's not going to change much"

So your stereotyping everyone that goes to a bar, I don't understand its summer and people like to go out sit in the sun meet with friends, have a drink if that's what there into and yeah on occasion meet new people!

Its not that those other places you've suggested are not fun, but are you saying that only good guys go to them! I'm guessing if we done some proper research you'd find a few bad ones there.

I think your missing the point, as the places where people hang out to meet people, may not be the best place to find someone for a long term relationship. Having fun playing the single game is one thing, but more serious minded people, don't have the time nor inclination to hang in a bar looking for a chance hook up. Granted meeting someone can be anywhere anytime. But a balance of where you hang out at, bars to bowling, can change the types of guys you meet. I think your post is proof of that.

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Originally Posted by josie31

So your stereotyping everyone that goes to a bar, I don't understand its summer and people like to go out sit in the sun meet with friends, have a drink if thats what there into and yeh on occassion meet new people!!

Its not that those other places you've suggested are not fun, but are you saying that only good guys go to them!! I'm guessing if we done some proper research you'd find a few bad ones there.

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Hey, that's fair. Good point. I'll give you that one.

But, it doesn't really invalidate mine either. Your question appeared to me to be: "I meet guys at the bars I like and they don't call me when I give them my number."

I apoligize if I misunderstood. I read the info you gave, that's what I responded to. The guys you're attracted to in this environment appear to be less than reliable. If it's stereotyping to observe that as a possibility, I admit that, while offering that it still may be true.

Stereotypes often develop, as unwelcome as they are, because they are still true in a some appreciable way. Whether we like the stereotypes or not is actually a different topic.

So, in summary, sorry if my quick answer pointed out the stereotype of the situation, all I'm suggesting is that it may be EASIER to find a more reliable group of prospects in a different environment. If you would prefer to keep hunting solely in the ones you've been using, then you will need to spend whatever time is necessary to find the serious prospects amidst the masses of fun-loving, laid-back blokes.

It may take longer, but you're right, I'm sure they're there. How you do your hunting is up to you, of course. I was simply offering another option.

Good luck.

I take your last reply on board and totally agree!

As I briefly outlined I have been single for a while and have had various dates not all I have to say have come from bars. I don't give out my phone number and many guys I have met previously in bars I wouldn't give the time of day too. My question was based on the fact that I had met a nice person and I was simply asking for advice on men and how they work in this circumstance.


Thanks for your input

My only specific addon would be to resist thinking that any one guy represents all guys. The same stereotyping you warned me about.

Guys aren't what they seem when you first meet them, not usually. They are a very candy-coated sweet version of themselves. Don't read too much truth into your first impressions.

You know you will have to get past the first dates and awkward learning stages into months of hanging out before you can ever hope to glimpse who a man really is. Once you get to that point, who knows?

So, in the circumstance you're describing, I'd take it at face value. Guys are relaxedly meeting new people, sometimes getting / giving numbers, and sometimes actually using them. No harm, no foul no matter what they decide. This is all just harmless meeting.

Thanks that's really useful I will proceed with caution as I always do.

Jo

He might just be busy, benefit of the doubt usually works. Or perhaps he lost your number. Defintely let him call you. Give it a week, if you don't hear from him, I think it would be okay to give him a simple text saying something like " i enjoyed hanging out the other night, hope you are having a good week." That way it will be a reminder for him, but at the same time you aren't asking anything in question form, so it's up to him to ask you out etc.

OK here... its OK if he hasent called you in 3 days but like in a week... yeh call him back he is probably going though something right now I know guys are different then us girls but eventully he will call