Ask Me Help Desk - 1 year after my mum died

I was only 14 when she died, and know-one expects to lose their mum at that age. I know some people experience losing a parent before this age, and after but it came so sudden that it was a huge shock. She'd be suffering with cancer a while, but we never knew she'd get so ill that she would die. Her anniversary was hard as we buried her ashes on that day (19th May). Of course I cried and so did everyone else, but know I sort of feel happy as I have a place to go to. Is it right to feel happy at a time when I should feel sad? I know she'd rather me be happy than sad, but I feel so guilty feeling like this.

Death is a very hard thing to deal with. I couldn't imagine losing a parent. But I can tell you that there is nothing wrong about you being happy. It's not like you are celebrating the fact that she is no longer with you, you are just remembering all the great time you two had together and the person she helped you become. You are right about her not wanting you to feel sad but the guilt is understandable. It's okay to miss her and cry about her not being there but she wouldn't want you to be sad forever. And being sad isn't the only way to remember her. I doubt she would want that. Remember her in ways that make you happy and uplift you. Not in ways that make you sad. Continue to work towards your dreams so that even from up in heaven she can smile down at you and see all the wonderful things you have done!

I agree with what batgirl had to say to you. Your so strong and brave for surviving something so devastating at such a young age. I wish you all the best. Know that you are healing from the lose and that you are so fortunate to be in a position to be happy. Some people don't fully recover from loss. Keep smiling. There could very easily be days that you find yourself sad... let it be. Take the good with the bad and don't question your emotion.

I know how you feel. I lost my father in March of this year, and it was all of a sudden. Be grateful you had time to spend with her and had the time with her to understand how she felt about what was going on. I was an hour away when I receved the phone call. I t was the day after easter. I will never forget how I felt about what was going on. But if you ever need to talk about it you can always find someone to talk to about it. I started a journal and I write to my dad, even though he can't answer back it still feels good to get it all out of my system sometimes.

I lost my Dad at 24, my brother was 14. That was four, almost five years ago. Sweetie, it is not bad at all to feel happy that you have a place to go to honor your Mum. To be able to sit and talk to her at a specific place is healing... and it is good that you feel this way.

Losing a parent is so hard... especially so young. You'll make it... and you'll find peace and hope knowing that each day you live is a testament and a memorial to her.

I wish you the best, dear heart. :)

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~Kay Knudsen

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

Its right to feel however you want to feel. When my grandmother who was like a mother to me died I was so angry at her and felt as though I hated her for leaving me. Of course I didn't its just that you can't control your emotions in that situation and anyway your right I think your mother would just be so happy to see you smile again

Quote:

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I lost my Dad at 24, my brother was 14. That was four, almost five years ago. Sweetie, it is not bad at all to feel happy that you have a place to go to honor your Mum. To be able to sit and talk to her at a specific place is healing... and it is good that you feel this way.

Losing a parent is so hard.... especially so young. You'll make it... and you'll find peace and hope knowing that each day you live is a testament and a memorial to her.

I wish you the best, dear heart. :)

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~Kay Knudsen

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

My precious grandfather died in 1974, when I was almost 10 years old. I am 44 now, and still go to the cemetery, sit on top of his grave, and have my heart-to-heart talks with him. Sometimes I even slip a handwritten note down between the marker and the dirt. I tell him everything that has gone on in my life since my last visit, and cry that he could not be a part of any of it. His death is an event far, far removed from the present, so time does heal us. Never completely, true, but it does come easier with time.

Thanks, HistorianChick. I suppose we're both peas of the same pod. We're both Cancers!