Ask Me Help Desk - Why does he not find me attractive?

Why does he not find me attractive?

My husband told me openly that he felt another women was pretty and attractive, when I asked him if he found me attractive too he refused to answer me, why would he tell me this other women is but won't say I am, I don't know what to do, I love him so much but can't put up with knowing he prefers someone else, any advice of how to become attractive for him so he looks at me not other women please help!

Are you obese? Are you healthy? What he is telling you is that he finds other women more attractive. This sort of thing can be very hurtful, and a sensitive person will be cautious of saying these sorts of things. I don't tell my wife that she is pretty all the time, but I still even at 64 she is pretty and I love her with all my heart. When a person tells you that another person is more attractive than you to me he is suggesting that he is not really happy. Or he is simply a pig!

I am not obese I am a little over weight but what do you expect after having 4 kids in 5 years but over the last 6 months I have lost nearly 2 stone so weight is not an issue, and justyou500 he don't need no whore but thanks for offer

justyou500. You are a little nasty troll. I have reported you because all of your post are so nasty and not helpful. Hopefully your account will be deleted.

It's not about what you look like, even you're fat or not if your husband loves you he will not hurt your feelings. Does your husband love you? Are you still happy together? Don't be hurt but I think your husband is not happy anymore.

You don't have to go to the parlor just to please your husband. Just give a time for yourself, care about you body by eating healthy foods, proper diet, and daily exercise will help you. Be happy and give time to each other to talk and be open. Tell him how you feel and how hurtful you are about what he said. A happy husband will tell you that you're the most beautiful woman in the world, because he appreciate and love you. Both physical and emotional.

Twany,

Why do automatically take the blame when he does not tells you that you are unattractive to him? Why don't you ask him why he feels that way?

Personally, you sound just fine to me. Don't buy into his trash, next time he says something like that, throw it right back in his face and let him know that you believe he has lost quite a bit of his charm also.

You might also let him know that since he feels free to discuss other women, you have decided to start comparing other men to how he looks and ask if the two of you can start sharing notes on other peoples appearances!

Oh Don, generally I agree with your comments, but this time I have to disagree. That sort of thing will do nothing for a relationship In my opinion and just start a fight that no one can win. This needs a counsellor to help them sort out what has happened to their relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tawny2nat

my husband told me openly that he felt another women was pretty and attractive, when I asked him if he found me attractive too he refused to answer me, why would he tell me this other women is but won't say I am, I don't know what to do, I love him so much but can't put up with knowing he prefers someone else,

Hi again Tawny,

It is sad that your husband did not know enough to look at you through the eyes of love and tell you that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

Apparently and unfortunately he thinks that seeing through carnal eyes is more truthful than seeing through the eyes of the Spirit.

On the other hand, being a Christian woman, you must know that his acknowledging that other women are more physically attractive than you are at this stage in your life is not the same thing as saying that he loves them more than you nor that he lusts for their company.

Since you have shown by your words on this forum that you are such a strong Christian woman, I assume you are married to a strong Christian man. If he is half as faithful as you seem to be, I'm sure he will always prefer and love you more than any other woman, no matter how beautiful they may be.

Quote:

any advice of how to become attractive for him so he looks at me not other women please help!

As for me, I believe that women are the beauty of this world. I have yet to be able not to appreciate their beauty. It is especially difficult with the fashions which worldly women wear nowadays.

But appreciating the beauty of women is not the same thing as lusting for them. If you live in the fear that you will not be physically attractive to men all your life, you will be fighting and losing an unhealthy battle with nature.

So, don't let Satan steal your joy. Focus on the fact that your husband has proven to be faithful in the little things that matter. He works, brings home the bacon, returns to you every evening and by these and other little yet common and frequently overlooked actions, proves his love for you.

May God bless you both with a lasting relationship, until death do you part,

Sincerely,

De Maria

Donn,

There are a lot of ways to let someone know they are being crappy. IMO, this clown needs to swallow some of his own words.

Since he is already being a louse, what are the odds that she will be able to sweet talk hubby into counseling. I'd put them at slim to none right now.

I know this lady is in trouble, but he is baiting her and dumping on her, nice guy. I just believe that she needs to show some backbone in her own defense. It appears to me that he is baiting her so that she will say something like, "If you like other women so much, join them!"

Tawny - Donn,

I've re-read my comments and agree that they are very acerbic.

However, I still believe that they are appropriate, but that easy for me to say sitting here in Virginia Beach.

May I suggest milder retorts such as: "Other women are very attractive", "I agree with you, there are some very attractive women out there, but you come home to me where you belong, I'm proud of you."

Or, " So you say." Or, "And you think that information pleases me, because?" Or, "That's an understatement, but you chose me."

Are they gentle enough, I wouldn't want to damage his fragile ego. :)

How do you feel about yourself? Do you find yourself attractive? I think beauty comes from the inside and shows on the outside. If you feel good about yourself - it shows.

It is nice to hear from your husband that he thinks you are pretty - if he has said something that bothers you - TALK to him about it. The longer you let it fester - the angrier you will become. Let him know that he hurt your feelings, he may not even realize it. My husband can make (in his mind) innocent comments, not knowing that it even bothers me. We talk about and once he sees my point of view and realizes how I took the comments, most of the time he apologizes.