Ask Me Help Desk - Is this a sign of a "dead end relationship"?

Is this a sign of a "dead end relationship"?

I've been living with my fiancé for over 6 years now. We've known each other for over 8 years. But something that just happened has we wondering if this relationship will work out or not. Should I just quit now or give it another try? He is a great guy when he is sober, He treats me so nice and does pretty much anything and everything for me. I know he does LOVE me a lot, but this weekend something change. When he drinks he gets very argumentative completely the opposite of his sober self. Well this weekend We were drinking with friends and at the end of the night everyone was pretty drunk including me. He jokingly tried to kick a friend of us but missed and almost hit me. I retaliated and threw a remote control on him pretty hard with all my force. Then he gets up and seems like he is going to launch at me with a fist, but my brother and guy friend stop him! When they had him down I started to punch him real hard, but because I was mad the he even thought of hitting me. Now things are bad. I just can't believe he would have hit me. He has never laid a hand on me, so I don't know if he would have actually hit me or not. My entire family found out, and now I don't know what to do. I know I had a bit to do with it since I did through him the remote control hard, but he shouldn't of never done that either. Is this a sign of letting go? I care for him a lot don't know if I love him though. When he is sober he is the greatest its just when he drinks he looses it. Its hard because my entire family liked him a lot, now If I do stay with him I don't know how they are going to see him. I know he needs therapy he even admitted it that he has anger issues when he is drunk. Any Thoughts would be helpful!

If he didn't get help it would be for me.

Take my advise: DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU RESOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS!! Major major problems that you guys need to get worked out.. You both seem to have a problem with drinking, lets face it you over reacted to him accidentally kicking you and it's not right to throw things at people and hurt them and not expect them to get mad... on the other hand, he should never, ever hit you sober or drunk.. You both need to face the issues and that it might be that he's an alcoholic (maybe you too?) and he needs to get this fixed before thinking about getting married. What's it going to be like when you have kids and you're little boy throws a tantrum.. do you trust that you're man is not going to be abusive if he's been drinking? Suggest to him about maybe going to an AA meeting and doing the 12 steps... good luck

He is a drunk who could stand some help. But not from you.
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Luckily people was there to hold who back or no telling what could have happen to you. He needs help and have to want help otherwise its useless. You need to help yourself by removing yourself from this relationship. I used to tell one of my best friend that he only gets muscle when he drinks then he's a tough guy. Anyway do see what happens when females stay with drunks, some leaves in body bags.

UGH! Sorry!

You all are in an unhealthy relationship. Few things are as depressing...
Have you all always gotten falling down drunk together? May be time to become adults...
You are no where NEAR marriage... imagine a kid in that environment? Yikes.

Time to:

1) see a relationship counselor
2) slook up signs of alcoholism: (Signs and symptoms of alcoholism)
3) consider that you may be with wrong guy if he is not a safe and dependable companion

Tough decisions, but I'm glad you are taking things seriously. Sure it is a bit scary and depressing...

Okay, I know I'm going to get blasted for this but I see this completely different. I'm not a big drinker but this sounds more like a joke that got out of hand and he was the one taken advantage of here. Now I'm not for man on woman violence but by the same token I'm not for woman on man violence. If I were him I don't think I would be to happy either and in fact I think I would feel quite turned off by this entire ordeal turned into a hold him down while he gets his a$$ kicked party.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

He jokingly tryed to kick a friend of us but missed and almost hit me. I retaliated and threw a remote control on him pretty hard with all my force.

I don't understand how you paint the picture that he's a drunk with a temper when this seems like he's a drunk with a sense of humor and you are the one with the temper. By your own admission he was joking and he didn't touch you but you started the assault.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

Then he gets up and seems like he is going to launch at me with a fist, but my brother and guy friend stop him! When they had him down I started to punch him real hard,

So now he's been assaulted and then is held down and assaulted some more to the point he can't defend himself. And you want me to believe he's the problem? Sorry I just can't.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

but because I was mad the he even thought of hitting me. Now things are bad. I just can't believe he would of hit me.

Did I miss something here? I might very well have and I'll be the first admit it if I did but he got his butt kicked while he was held down after you assaulted him first... and second.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

He has never laid a hand on me, so I dont know if he would of actually hit me or not.

The same can not be said of you. You assaulted him on two different occasions and with help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

My entire family found out, and now I dont know what to do. I know i had a bit to do with it since I did through him the remote control hard, but he shouldnt of never done that either.

Ahh, you had more then a bit. You started this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

Is this a sign of letting go? I care for him a lot dont know if i love him though.

If you don't know if you love him after 6 years I have a feeling this fight was not the biggest problem you two have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

When he is sober he is the greatest its just when he drinks he looses it.

He loses it? He got hit with a remote control, then his butt handed to him, while he couldn't even defend himself should he be happy about that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ocgal30

Its hard because my entire family liked him a lot, now If i do stay with him I dont know how they are going to see him. I know he needs therapy he even admitted it that he has anger issues when he is drunk. any Thoughts would be helpful!!

If he says he has anger issues then he needs to quick drinking. But by that same token, I see a lot of issues you need to work on as well. I'm sorry but this story you told doesn't put you in the greatest light and in fact, at least to me, it makes him look more sympathic in this situation that you describe. If the relationship is so great when you are sober but not so great when you are drunk maybe you should cut out the drinking and enjoy the good times.

I'm all for being devil's advocate... but...

As a man who has never raised a hand to a woman, and I am not a small guy, I cannot fathom his actions... NOR can I fathom hers...

They sound like a WRECK.

And I do think, they need to get pro help.

One question: HOW OLD ARE YOU OCGAL?

It would probably be best for the both of you to get help.

No wonder he is mad. I would place bets that he is considering walking away from this. Maybe you should consider walking away from this too.

I have to agree with Chuff. You have clearly painted the picture that you overreacted to something that was clearly not intended to do you any harm. Also, your reaction was over the top. You and your brother beat the crap out of the poor guy. It seems that your anger issues need to be worked on.

Please don't sit there and make him look like the bad guy when you are the one that seems to be the problem.

Just because you love him, doesn't mean that he is going to stay after something like this.

I know that if my gf/finance and her brother ever beat me up, that would be the end of her. I would kick her to the curb faster than the door could slam on her .

Just my 2 cents on this one...

When reading the post, all I could think is:

"Why did she throw the remote at him "with all her force"?"

Well, she threw the remote at him... and no he didn't hit her (when restrained)- but the bar seems pretty low here :-).
This sounds like Bonnie and Clyde.

I'd like to know:

- how old are you OC?
- do you both have jobs that allow for hangovers?
- did you harm him with the remote?
- if your brother and friend hadn't stopped him from throwing a punch - would he clearly have?

None of this sounds healthy and since several people have weighed in trying to help - here's hoping you post again OCgal to take advantage of this discussion.

Yeah. You're extreme, girl! How could you be so violent like that? You never wanted anyone to beat you but instead you beat the crap out of him. Think!! I would run as fast as I can if I had a girlfriend like you. And afterward, you still get so upset about this even though he was the one who got hurt. Why don't you guys try to talk first? But you really need to calm down, and see things differently, or else I predict that the conversation will turn out to be a huge fight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by justyou500

You said...You hit him and he tried to hit you but someone held him back.

Honestly, I'd BEATYOMUTHAINASS if you threw a remote at me. FOSHIZLLE.

Maybe you should CHILLAX A LITTLE BIT and stop HITTING your manwhores. Because they'll hit back. Ugly girls are always the ones who get hit.

Also, if you get more drunk then he does you'll black out and wont remember getting hit and/or raped.

... are you serious?