Ask Me Help Desk - Revenge or No Revenge?

I posted a question several months ago about a married man I work with who tried so hard not only to "talk" to me (but sleep with me). I got sucked into his lies and believed all the things he said to me (I know stupid right?). But I have moved on. I changed my phone # because I was tired of waiting for his calls/texts whenever it was convenient for him. But he managed to call call someone he knew at the phone company and get my # (creepy right?) It was HARD but it's been 4 month of not speaking to him (except for work related questions). I am completely over the situation and learned a valuable lesson from the whole thing, not to mention I have put him in his place. We work in very close contact so we see each other often but I don't smile, laugh at his jokes or even care to pay him any attention. It took me a while to realize what a JERK he really was. Anyway, now I am at the point where I feel like his wife seriously needs to know what a liar and a cheater he is. He is constantly talking and flirting with other girls at work. I am a god fearing person and that is what made me get out of the situation I put myself in with this married man. I trully repented for getting involved with him and have moved on. However, I don't know why I feel like I need to have revenge on him. I have called his wife's work several times wanting to tell her what a cheater her husband is but I couldn't get myself to do it. I hate that he has his cake and eats it to! It's not fair! I guess I feel like he's living this great life (with a wife that is good to him) when I know he doesn't deserve that at all. I am not a revengeful person but I can't decide whether telling the wife is a good or bad idea...

Bad idea, it is not your place to say anything. While you may have had the affair, you two are now done. He is still inside your head, just let it go. Karma will come back to you after that, just think about that.

You are mad at him, but even more mad at yourself, thus you are holding on to the anger and want an easy way out of it.

There is none.

Sure, you may feel a little better, for a few minutes, if you tattle to the wife, and I guess one could rationalize that she is in danger due to his ways, but, in reality, doing this will not relieve you of the anger you hold against yourself for making such bad decisions.

You say you have repented, and made things OK between you and God, that should be enough.

Stop being so hard on yourself, let this issue drift into the past where it belongs, and vow to make better decisions going forward. Live a happy and health life and let that be your revenge.

I know its hard to just sit there and not dime this guy out to his wife but you work with the guy and he will figure out it was you. I don't know if you or him are higher up on the ladder at work but regardless he will probably try to make life at work a living nightmare. I say let it go he will get his in the end.

To be honest, I know somebody very well who has cheated and recently has again on his wife. I am good friends with his wife and I hate that she doesn't know while she loves him so much. They play around and it hurts to know what is really going on. Well, I have not said a word. It's understandable that it upsets you, but just be proud he isn't your husband and that you were wise enough to get away from it and now you can't be hurt. Being a God fearing woman yourself, I feel like the best damage is letting him sin and letting God take care of him. I don't think you should tell the wife. She may possibly take you as a liar, and honestly I don't think you need that drama. Forget about this guy altogether. Enjoy other things, and don't let him phase you.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

To be honest, I know somebody very well who has cheated and recently has again on his wife. I am good friends with his wife and i hate that she doesn't know while she loves him so much. They play around and it hurts to know what is really going on. Well, I have not said a word. It's understandable that it upsets you, but just be proud he isn't your husband and that you were wise enough to get away from it and now you can't be hurt. Being a God fearing woman yourself, I feel like the best damage is letting him sin and letting God take care of him. I dont think you should tell the wife. She may possibly take you as a liar, and honestly I don't think you need that drama. Forget about this guy altogether. Enjoy other things, and don't let him phase you.

Thanks, you are so right, God's revenge will be far worse than mine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spitvenom

I know its hard to just sit there and not dime this guy out to his wife but you work with the guy and he will figure out it was you. I don't know if you or him are higher up on the ladder at work but regardless he will probably try to make life at work a living nightmare. I say let it go he will get his in the end.

He is actually my boss, so he is further up the ladder. But I'm only doing this job part-time while in graduate school. Either way, your right. I'm sure he will find out it was me and God knows what he is capable of doing (seeing that he went to anger management).

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Originally Posted by progunr

Sure, you may feel a little better, for a few minutes, if you tattle to the wife, and I guess one could rationalize that she is in danger due to his ways, but, in reality, doing this will not relieve you of the anger you hold against yourself for making such bad decisions.

True, telling his wife will make me feel like he got what he deserved but you make a good point, it will only make me feel better for a little while. Then, I will have to live with a bad conscience thinking whether he will ever find out it was me. Thanks for the good advice.