Hello there, I am a man in his late 40's who is in a quandry. I have been having a relationship with a woman for the past 2 years, however during this time we have experienced problems with honesty. I realise the issue at hand is embarrassing for her to talk about, but her generally reluctance to admit to something that I have witnessed myself just seems to perpetuate the cycle of negativity. The reason for posting this question is because of late things have become strained and I am aware she has sent her ex of 3 yrs an email. He did not respond but his daughter appeared on a messaging service and she indicated to her that our relationship was more casual. This added to my hurt as we spend a lot of time together. I realise I have been emotionally cold because my mind is confused, and she feels I don't want her. I suspect this is what encouraged the contact with her ex etc.. However she maintains that she would really like things to work out with us and we should put the past issues to bed once and for all. I am struggling to know how to do this when you feel bruised by someone's actions. Maybe someone out there could give me some advice on which way to turn. Many thanks in advance. Ps by the way the user name is the name of my dog!

Just a few questions here, have you ever been married, and if so how long, and how long have you been divorced? Do you live with your g/f? How long have you known her? Just need a better picture of you personally. How old is she? Has she been married, and for how long?
Thanks

I'd like those answers too.

There seems to be some pieces missing...

Hello again, I was married very briefly in my teens, my partner has been married twice and was in a long term relationship prior to meeting me. She is 48. Although we both have our own homes, we spend almost all our time together, unless one or the other has plans.

How long have you known her/been dating her?

We have been together for 2 years

Two years is not an awful long time to really know someone really well, and I suspect a lot of things go unsaid, so working on the communication, and comfort level between you both, is paramount to further building a strong bond between you. I also think your bruised ego is more on your side than an intention slight on her part, as you may be deeper emotionally than she is, but I bet she loves her freedom, and is very independent. To move forward you must put aside your bruised ego, and talk and listen. I bet her ego is bruised a little also, by your inquiries into her privacy. I suspect despite the maturity factor, your just scratching the surface with really knowing each other, and may be due to her past experiences, that make her cautious, and private. Two keys here, patients, and honesty. You won't solve your differences over night, nor learn how to work together better, without communicating what your both looking for, as I think this thing is on cruise control, and neither of you is successfully proactive in this relationship. Sounds more convenient, than romantic. What do you expect, or want from the long term, and what she expects, and wants is what needs to be defined. That takes you both expressing your hopes, and dreams to each other in an honest way.

Hi, Good Morning. I don't know the main problem in your relationships, but I can see that you both lack of communication. Communication is very important in a relationship, at least give an hour a day to talk about simple things, about your feelings and her, sharing ideas and problems. You need to talk to her, talk about your relationships, and what's going on.