Hello all...

New to this forum and actually quite scared now.

I am female of 36 who was dating a guy of 25. He is a soldier currently stationed overseas and is a single father.

I broke up with him about 3 weeks ago. After his yelling and hanging up on me, have not contacted or heard from him via phone which works for me.

Howeve he has been putting some derogatory messages on his Yahoo messenger profile; like fxxx me; die slow, you only care about your career - see what happens when it is ended; (I) will pay come June 15...

Now, initially I thought he was blowing steam but now I do believe he plans to do me harm. I know he will be back in the states soon to visit family so he may show up any time. He lived with me for 3 months before heading overseas so he knows where I live and where I work.

I have contacted someone I used to know when I was in the Army to get advise on how to approach this.
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As a civilian however, I don't know what do do. Should I move? Not sure if that will help as he knows where I work. Should I get a weapon. My nerves are really rattled right now.

I should have ended this relationship long ago and tried earlier this year but he begged for a second chance. We have been apart for over a year as he is overseas but these threats seems very real to me. He has not sent me any e-mails I can save, but I have save one of his IM's. Can I go to the police with this?

I have alerted some people around me as to what is going on in case of anthing; but I really don't have many close friends as I moved here over a year and a half ago.

Please advise.

Nervous wreck

You need to go the police and show them everything you have and change your numbers and move if possible if your that scare and believe his threats, since he's in the service I also believe you contact his officer to make them aware of what he's doing, many of my family is in the army I will ask them and post it later.

Restraining order.

Yes go to the police, inform them where he is stationed and get a restraining order.

If you stay, install some hidden security cameras in your home. $150 well spent.

This guy is overseas getting his adrenaline rush on. He may be quite aggressive at this point. I would say ANYTHING you can do to deflate his anger is a step in the right direction.

- Tell him you're gay and was embarrassed to admit it to him
- Tell him you're in debt to the mafia and they "own" you
- Tell him you are dating his superior officers
- Tell him you've contracted AIDs or Leprosy and can't have a BF anymore

Your other options are just as good for protecting yourself:
- Change cities, do not use a forwarding address
- Change cell phones
- Cancel your email accounts and replace them with ones that don't sound like you, free ones you can drop and change on a whim
- Take a self defense course TODAY. Not tomorrow, go down there TODAY.
- Buy a gun? Maybe
- Buying a tape recorder is also useful
- Contact the police? Sure, every city is different and your results may vary.
- Print out the written threats you've received online and provide them to his military branch.

I'm gald you're not ignoring this. Better safe and than sorry.

Definitely get the gun since you are trained in the use of firearms. You may even be able to get a carry permit depending on the local laws.

Unfortunately I read about people being harmed in these circumstances even with a restraining order in effect. The police can't begin to keep a close watch.

He is a psycho, so don't take chances. Get the police and the military involved. At least let them know.

I don't know , CALL THE FBI!!

He has anger isssues! I think many military men come back, or encounter anger problems while serving. I know that because my fiancé was in the army as well and he has some anger problems. I doubt your ex will do anything stupid, but to be on the safe side I say you just keep records of his messages. Don't worry too much If anything take those messages to his Seargeant or someone where he is station at so they can know of his threats. Best of luck.

The issue is one everyone woman fears: an enraged man with harm on his mind.

The fact is this cannot simply be ignored because he is trained in combat and is enduring
Combat stress and potential post-traumatic stress disorder. (Still, I hope it can be resolved by him finding peace and help while overseas)

For safety, your immediate next steps should include the following:
1) print out all emails and file them
2) record all his messages onto a tape or cd

As tough as it sounds, society depends on a "preponderance of evidence" and surprisingly enough - you still may need MORE to build a case for a restraining order and possibly something stronger: actual charges of endangerment and threatening a life.

DO NOT RESPOND to any of his messages in any way.

His attorney (sorry, but I am looking into the future for your sake) will position you as a drama queen and him as an innocent soldier who had a couple stressful days. Build your case and check back here as you need - and see a lawyer with your messages and print outs about 4 weeks before he arrives home - if possible... since, the law and lawyers are not as fast as one would hope.

Peace will be yours again one day. Be safe.

And I hope he calms down soon and makes your life simpler.

A