Hi, am seeking some advice on my current situation and I know what Im doing is wrong etc but it's a situation I really wouldn't like to be in again.

I've been seeing a married man for just over a year now, he s been married 20 yrs, has 2 kids, early teens and has a brotherly sisterly relationship with his wife with very little sexual contact during the last 6 years.

We have fallen so much in love, he is a good man, very genuine and upfront and we see other three, sometimes four times a week until quite late in the evening, have had daytrips out,concerts and a holiday etc.

We text and say "love you" to each other dozens of times a week and we are both extremely tactile and affectionate with each other.

Now the time has come where Im finding it difficult to deal with and have told him this. He has said that he can't give me a time on when he will leave home (if he does) but said that he would have left months ago if it was'nt for his children as they idolise him.

He has had affairs before during his marriage for which he has been honest about.

I have told myself that I would give it 18 months ,which will be just before xmas and have told him this too, for which he has said he'll see what he can do!

He has a 3 week holiday coming up shortly and I'm dreading this although he says I neednt worry as it just for the kids that he is going.

What should I do? Wait the 18 months or give up now and hand him the ultimatum which to be honest, he's probably been kind of expecting as he knows how I feel about him going away and do you think a year should be enough for him to decide what to do.

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I know what Im doing is wrong etc but it's a situation I really wouldn't like to be in again.

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I don't blame you because as you say its wrong, and very unhealthy and leads nowhere. But you choose to stay so what does that say about you and your sense of right and wrong? What do they call people who do wrong even though they know its wrong? (criminals?)

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has a brotherly sisterly relationship with his wife with very little sexual contact during the last 6 years.

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And of course you know this to be true how?? Because he said so.

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Im finding it difficult to deal with and have told him this. He has said that he can't give me a time on when he will leave home (if he does) but said that he would have left months ago if it was'nt for his children as they idolise him.

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Oldest cheater line in the book.

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He has had affairs before during his marriage for which he has been honest about.

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I think you can believe his word on that one.

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do you think a year should be enough for him to decide what to do.

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Naw, give it a week, that should be long enough for him to get another partner to cheat with, just like he got you, and those before you. What!! :confused: You thought you were different than all the others?? :eek: You surely jest,:rolleyes: you silly girl! :D

If you know going with a married man is wrong why did you get involved with him in the first place, or correct your mistake and leave him alone.
You really believe if he leaves his wife he will truly be faithfull to you because its obious he not a person that can stay committed and instead of him working on a relationship he will cheat and when he get tired of you he will move to the stay female. Remember at this time your just a married man mistree, so go find a single man and stop being on the back burner for a married man. Should you wait for him to make a decision to leave his wife, are you serious? Remember what goes around comes around! I have no symphony for any mistress getting involve with a married man, my only advice is to leave him alone.

When your moral center is based on your feelings, then right and wrong mean nothing to you. I say this because MOST of what you are going to receive from us here on the forum is based on good sense, solid thinking, mature moral options for helping you solve your issues.

Since you don't ascribe to that method of reasoning, we won't be able to help you. You will hate everything we say to you.

If you decide you want a GOOD successful life, hey girl! Have we got some advice for you!

On that day, your first task will be to STOP DATING SOMEONE ELSE'S HUSBAND! Your feelings for him are irrelevant. He's taken. His feelings for you... well, nobody here believes in them except you.

I agree to all answers above. Besides, I guess that man is having a good relation with his wife... and you were for him just another source of pleasure or a bonus. If you stay around.. you are number 2 if you go away he stays with number 1. For you to decide. Of course none would mind him being good to number 1.. she is his wife. Might not be nice to put it this way.. but things you mentioned.. tell so.

Good luck (wthout him)

Hi, thank you for all your comments, I really do appreciate them.

One thing I meant to add to my question was that he said if he did leave to be with me now, and I then gave him up, he'd be left with nothing which is understandable in a away I suppose but at the same time, which I think a lot of people would say, is that if he's not happy enough at home then he would have left by now anyway but kids are keeping him there.

How do you know his kids are keeping them that? Do you even know or seen him interact with his family? If his kids are keeping them there than let him stay that's lets you further know where he wants to be, and if that's the case why do you want to take him from his family, dogs always find they way home so let him stay there and you move on.

There are to many single men out here instead of you fooling around with someone that's married. Maybe you should see a professional to work on yourself.

Your buying into his lies to keep you hanging on.

I have no idea why anyone would get involved with someone who is married, but that's beside the point. More to the point is that you need to break contact with him and get happy being yourself. Then you can work on finding someone else (who isn't already married).

I am sorry, if you have time, read though the dozens and dozens of married men posts we get here, you for some reason believe yours is special, or that he is different. You are getting the classic lies, and in 18 months it will be a different ones, her health, or grandkids, or the money. Please wake up and realise that what you got now is all there is going to be.

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One thing I meant to add to my question was that he said if he did leave to be with me now, and I then gave him up, he'd be left with nothing

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Nothing?? I don't think he would hesitate in finding another mistress, do you?? What about his sisterly wife and kids he will still have long after you have gone, NOTHING??

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that if he's not happy enough at home then he would have left by now anyway but kids are keeping him there.

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This whole relationship with you is built on lies he has told you, its you who have nothing.
Just curious, do you think if he left his wife for you, he would miraculously stop cheating and having affairs? If you do, why would he be different with you than he was with his wife who has his kids?

Sorry you fell for the okey doke. Actually that's a sign of an issue you have, that needs to be solved, as he is not the solution, but he is part of the problem.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you a option in theirs.

Honey, you're his frosting.

He has his cake, with his wife and kids.

YOU are not essential in his life, or he would have left by now. Period. If he NEEDED to be with you, well... his kids are old enough to understand divorce and remarriage at this point in their lives. He doesn't need you. He just wants you. And you're letting him off cheap! You cost him NOTHING!

Go find a guy that will make you his cake, his frosting, and his sprinkles. Don't fall for this guy that won't make you his number one priority. You deserve better than that.

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Honey, you're his frosting... He has his cake, with his wife and kids.

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Just to be funny, I'd say he has his cake and a tart, too. (rim-shot)

Yeah I think probability of him straying again if we were together permanently would be very high indeed although he has said that his past has no reflection on a future with me but that's easy to say now.

I think as well that because I know of a couple of other people who have been in the same situation previously where the other man has ended up leaving his wife and are now together, sort of makes me think, should I hang on but what I need to do is obvious and if he wants me that much, he'll come running, but Im grateful for all your opinions on it and I will post once I have done the right thing.