Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend and I are having issues.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. When we first started going out we had sex a lot. It has been over a month now since we've had sex. I've asked him why he hasn't wanted to have sex with me and he just tells me he doesn't know. My boyfriend is bi-sexual, but he always tells me he loves having sex with me. I know he isn't cheating on me. I've asked him if he's just not sexually attracted to me anymore, but he told me he is. I am going through a lot of emotions right now because I feel like our relationship is falling apart and if we can't make love and if we can't act like we're in love anymore then I feel like it will be soon over. We are actually engaged but he doesn't want to rush into marriage. I on the other hand would marry him tomorrow if he asked. Every time I try to make out with him he just tells me to stop. When I ask him to spend time with me he tells me to leave him alone or gives me that look. Then he feels bad and feels like he has to spend time with me because I said something. I don't want to have to ask him because I am disappointed most of the time. I've thought about asking him what he thinks about couples therapy. I know I'm not perfect. There are things I have done or haven't done that disappoints him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sexually, emotionally, and mentally frustrated. It's a domino effect.

Not a good start to the relationship. So much sex at the beginning. Is that true love? I do not think so. There are several situations here that the way they are explained. There are several red flags. I do not see this relationship lasting. Just my opinion. I think you need to communicate to him how you feel. Maybe that is a start. I think that maybe you are more into him then he is with you. If you want to try to make it work or see if there is anything you can do, and also him to improve on this relationship. Counseling individually and as a couple is important. Take that step before making any decisions.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Not a good start to the relationship. So much sex at the beginning. Is that true love? I do not think so. There are several situations here that the way they are explained. There are several red flags. I do not see this relationship lasting. Just my personal opinion. I think you need to communicate to him how you feel. Maybe that is a start. I think that maybe you are more into him then he is with you. If you want to try to make it work or see if there is anything you can do, and also him to improve on this relationship. Counseling individually and as a couple is important. Take that step before making any decisions.

Well in the beginning of our relationship we found a lot of commonness as far as our goals in life. We both bettered ourselves because of our love for each other. The main factor in our current situation is that I'm not the same person I was when he first met me. I've grown a lot. People change, but our love never does. I'm not saying he's completely ignoring me all of the time, it's just I feel like I'm not getting the attention I deserve. Like I said, I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to make myself the better person in this situation. I have lied to him about some things because I was afraid to tell the truth. I've learned from that mistake. For some reason he thinks I don't care anymore. Sometimes I can't find the words to say in an argument or when he calls me out on something, so he thinks I don't care because he thinks I have nothing to say, when I just don't know what to say. I fell like everything I say and do messes things up. I always say things at the wrong time... or when I don't laugh at his jokes when I think he's being serious or when I am just confused. Thank you for you opinion though. I appreciate it.

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Originally Posted by Casiann

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. When we first started going out we had sex a lot. It has been over a month now since we've had sex. I've asked him why he hasn't wanted to have sex with me and he just tells me he doesn't know. My boyfriend is bi-sexual, but he always tells me he loves having sex with me. I know he isn't cheating on me. I've asked him if he's just not sexually attracted to me anymore, but he told me he is. I am going through a lot of emotions right now because I feel like our relationship is falling apart and if we can't make love and if we can't act like we're in love anymore then I feel like it will be soon over. We are actually engaged but he doesn't want to rush into marriage. I on the other hand would marry him tomorrow if he asked. Everytime I try to make out with him he just tells me to stop. When I ask him to spend time with me he tells me to leave him alone or gives me that look. Then he feels bad and feels like he has to spend time with me because I said something. I don't want to have to ask him because I am disappointed most of the time. I've thought about asking him what he thinks about couples therapy. I know I'm not perfect. There are things I have done or haven't done that disappoints him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sexually, emotionally, and mentally frustrated. It's a domino effect.

All red flags here..

Before reading any responses to your initial post, my first impression is that maybe you are being a bit pushy and clingy. Constantly asking for sex, confirmation of his feelings for you and signalling the urge to marry 'tomorrow' might just be too much and to quick for him. This can be a turn-off, but he should also be able to communicate his feelings instead of waiting for you to ask for answers. Also check the body language - if you take a step forward while he backs up - then you should feel something is wrong, no matter what he says. He might not want to hurt your feelings but he is also being unfair to you by keeping you at a distance and in the dark.

If this were happening to me, I'd ask for a break and check his reaction. If he does not object - then you both might need this time to miss each other and what you've shared so far. If he doesn't want a break then I would suggest that he help you understand his current state and let him know that you are frustrated at how things are at a stand-still right now. Who knows, he might fear he has an infection (you mentioned that he is bi-) and doesn't want you to catch it or how to tell you. Either way, something has to happen or both of you will be very unhappy.

We all hate rejection, but it is part of life and we have to learn to accept it and get on with our lives with or without the other partner.

If you are not sure of his feelings or what his reactions will be - then you are better off getting an answer and finding out where you stand - it's only fair and he should show you that much respect.

Sorry that there is no sure recipe for this, but nobody ever said life was easy.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifWhat would you advise another person posting this instead of you?

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Originally Posted by Casiann

Well in the beginning of our relationship we found a lot of commonness as far as our goals in life. We both bettered ourselves because of our love for each other. The main factor in our current situation is that I'm not the same person I was when he first met me. I've grown a lot. People change, but our love never does (wrong, it either grows or dwindles away). I'm not saying he's completely ignoring me all of the time, it's just I feel like I'm not getting the attention I deserve. Like I said, I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to make myself the better person in this situation. I have lied to him about some things because I was afraid to tell the truth. (loosing trust can kill affection and is hard to gain back)I've learned from that mistake. For some reason he thinks I don't care anymore. Sometimes I can't find the words to say in an argument or when he calls me out on something, so he thinks I don't care because he thinks I have nothing to say, when I just don't know what to say. I fell like everything I say and do messes things up. I always say things at the wrong time... or when I don't laugh at his jokes when I think he's being serious or when I am just confused. Thank you for you opinion though. I appreciate it.

Unless you both take a break or seek help, this is going nowhere fast. A lot has gone wrong and you invested almost two years of time and effort - but it still has been damaged. Better to find out where you stand, take time to heal and get on with your lives. So, please get the reassurance you need so that you can start working on being happy again - with or without him.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifPlease don't prolong the pain or you will lose self-respect and start hating him for what you both have done.

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Originally Posted by Chery

Unless you both take a break or seek help, this is going nowhere fast. A lot has gone wrong and you invested almost two years of time and effort - but it still has been damaged. Better to find out where you stand, take time to heal and get on with your lives. So, please get the reassurance you need so that you can start working on being happy again - with or without him.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_11_2.gifPlease don't prolong the pain or you will lose self-respect and start hating him for what you both have done.

So we had a very in depth conversation as to where our relationship is heading... he apologized for being distant and has been making up for it the past couple of days. He told me he doesn't want me to think he doesn't care because he says that he does. He took a break from his computer games to watch movies with me and have conversations. I told him about my idea of couples therapy and he thinks that we can work out our problems ourselves. I am a lot happier now. He wanted to be intimate with me last night and we were... he then gave me a back massage (JAW Dropping.. HE NEVER DOES THIS) and the rubbed my feet.

On a side note that I forgot to mention earlier... the reason we didn't have sex for a while is because a couple of times that he wanted too I was too tired an fell asleep.

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People change, but our love never does.

That simply is not true. Love grows when partners give it the right amount of time and WORK.

Well I was thinking first you mentioned bi-sexual! Do you think it is possible he could have feelings for someone else of the same sex and not interested or confused at this point which one he really wants? For instance confirming he does want this relationship and with just a woman since you mentioned he is not cheating. Also, you mentioned he gave you a back and foot rub that he normally does not do.Do you think he is trying to over compensate since you made a issue about not having sex? (keep you from being suspicious) any other thoughts members?

Guys can get complacent, and comfortable sometimes.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Guys can get complacent, and comfortable sometimes.

That is so true! Agree