I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years almost. Our relationship was perfect we were so happy. We both made promises to each other we would never stop loving each other, never stop being with each other and never hurt each other. A week after my birthday she broke them promises to me. A week after we split she was with another guy. The guys a nasty piece of work. Me and her are meant to be we both thought it everyone who knew us thought it. I not spoken to her for over a month and I miss her dearley. How do I win her heart back.

First, and I mean no offense by this, but how old are you?

I get the impression that you are quite young, and if this is the case then you don't need to settle down yet. Maybe you should see what other people are like and see if what you felt for her was truly the best you could feel for someone. I don't want to offend your feelings, but if you have only been with one person, how do you know if you truly loved her because she was the best for you, or if you just loved her because she was all you ever knew.

As for your final question, there is no way to "win her heart back". She has made her decision and all you can do is accept it. You have no choice in the matter. Your best bet is to try to move on and find yourself being happy again by yourself. Once you are content and happy by yourself, if she came back you could make an educated decision as to whether you are truly meant to be together.

Bigbird has a point there... we really need to know more about you.

Ok, I have a few questions:

What have you learned about her, her dreams and goals, her favorite literature, music, etc within the last three years? Make a list.

What, in your opinion, has she given up by leaving you - what is so special about you that makes it hard to understand why she would give it up? Make a list.

Then, what mutual interests and plans have you talked about and worked on these last few years? Sorry, but I really would like to know.

If you don't feel like sharing all this information with us, at least be honest and make those lists anyway, and take a good look at what you've gained or lost, and if it is still worth doing a lot of work to fix it.

Then ask yourself if you a sure that even if you got back together, that you won't throw that other guy at her face every time you had a little spat over things you don't agree on.

It will also help if you went back to the Relationships Section and read the first three Sticky Posts there. A lot of work has been done by people who have had similar experiences and willing to share with you so that you can understand and face up to real life and start working on getting better inside.

This will all take a while, nothing happens over night and we will be here to help you, but you've got to be honest with yourself and your real emotions and motives. Nobody likes being rejected after so long, but life does not stand still after the first kiss, the first promise, or any other point in life - we keep growing and learning.

So, get to work, and keep us posted.

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I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years almost. Our relationship was perfect we were so happy. We both made promises to each other we would never stop loving each other, never stop being with each other and never hurt each other.

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That only works in a romance novel. In real life people change their minds all the time. She changed her mind and its over. You both made a promise that you couldn't keep.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

That only works in a romance novel. In real life people change their minds all the time. She changed her mind and its over. You both made a promise that you couldn't keep.

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Had to spread it again Tal.. reality is a hard and painful thing to face sometimes, and we have all gone through it and reached out - You are so right, life is not a romance novel with happy ending all the time.

Collars, you need to take a good look at reality. Learn from your mistakes and accept that all young people make promises that they won't be able to keep - becaue if there are two people involved, one will always wear rose-colored glasses until reality hits them in the face. Time and acceptance and understanding of how people react to your actions and working on changing if you don't like the way things are is the only way to go. So, if you have to accept her being gone - do so and start healing.

Have you read those stickys and made those lists to yourself yet?

Please don't think that you are being attacked from all sides, this is not our intention! I am 57 yrs old and have gone through many a heartaches and have caused a few myself - that's just the way life is until we get wiser and make better choices and learn the hard way what NOT to do.

I do wish you good healing and good luck.

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I understand all of your opinions your advice. Thank you for it all. I have made lists I have spent days on end thinking about it all. No I won't throw it in her face if we got back together. Because we never argued when we were together not hardly at all. I've done a lot for the girl and see knows that her whole family know this. The guy she is now with is lets say a nasty piece of work. He has the charm is a great liar. She has been umemployed for months now. She will not go out and get herself a job because she don't know how to. I was always by her side when she needed to make important decisions I helped her. More about me OK... I am young yes not as young as you think though. This is not my first love more like my 4th. I work for a telecomunications company. I live by what's right. I will always do my best to do what's right.

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I will always do my best to do what's right.

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Then let her go, as that's what she wants for herself. We all know the hurt your going through, we have all been through the same thing. Sorry for your loss.

I would let go but its so wrong to. So many family members and close friends have told me she will relise she is doing wrong in her life and will come running back. But I don't want to have to wait and I don't want her to have to larn from this mistake.

By the sounds of it your friends and family don't really know what they are talking about. They are advising you to hang on and continue to put up with the pain and the hurt for a maybe. That's ridiculous.

Drop contact, work on yourself, be happy once again. If she wants to talk to you, she will find a way. Hopefully, by that time, you will be healthy enough to make an educated decision based on the facts, not the emotions.

bigbird213 I agree with what your saying I am trying to get my life back on track. I have a great job a great car a great family. Great friends even. I need to work on being happy I know. The hardest problem I have with that is I can't go out and be happy because the memories I have. Everything I do reminds me of her. You may all think I sound really silly but I just love this girl so much I would do anything to be able to hold her again. Thanks for your answer though. Thanks

I don't think it sounds silly because I have been there myself. Because of that, I also know that it is much easier for me to say it then for you to do it. I've been in your shoes before, so trust me when I tell you I know its hard. We all do.

I know you hate to hear me say that, but you know it is what you need to do. When I first started trying to get over my ex, I would go out with my friends as much as I could. I didn't enjoy it much because the time I spent out would consist of me being down about her for 95% of the time, and having a few laughs the other 5%. Probably similar to how you feel now.

What you need to know is that as time goes on, those percentages shift. It has been a bit over a month for me now, and when I go out I spend about 95% of the time NOT thinking about her. She may creep up for a few minutes here and there, but I have learned to push those thoughts out of my head, or rationally deal with them.

You will get there, better times are ahead, keep at it...

I appreciate all this people. But I don't want to get over her I want to win her back. As I said it was not right me and her spliting up. There much more info I could say but it is too much. If anyone would like to hear more then please contact me and let me know well arrange something. Thanks