I have primary physical custody of my 2 daughters to my ex husband, they are 14 and 17 years old. My oldest has gone to her fathers house on visitation and has not come home yet. I has been 5 days now and her father told me that she does not want to live with me anymore. She will talk to me, even come in my car and talk to me when I pick her sister up. My question is what can I do about this and how long do I wait. This all started because of her lying about a boy. I punished her for her lying and she ran to daddy because he will not punish her there. He has undermined my authority with both girls now. How do I get it back?

You file a petition in Family Court. You could try the police, but they often will not get involved in such things without a court order.

Hello p:

If she doesn't want to come home with you, the court won't make her. You're going to lose your right to her when she turns 18 anyway. Why make a stink for only a few months?

excon

Does it make any difference that she is only a junior in high school? I know she will be 18 in Dec. but what about the fact that she still has 1 more year of high school?

Hello again, mom:

You make very good points... However, from a legal perspective (and this IS the legal board), she's going to be able to make her own decisions shortly. And, because I don't believe a judge will make her come back, she can effectivly make her own decisions now.

If she should come home, you're going to have to convince her. You're not going to force her.

excon

Was a little curious what state you live in... most states give the child's opinion weight at age 12. And typically will give the child what they want regardless of school as long as the other parent is willing to change schools and pay or pay the extra money for the child to remain at their previous school and transport them(or they transport themselves if they are old enough to drive). The only way you can get your daughter back home if that is the case where you live to take it to court and have SERIOUS proof that the father is abusive. And even then if the daughter is serious about not coming home she can emancipate herself at age 16 in most states.

I would take what you can get at this point and be glad that there is still a relationship with your daughter. With age and maturity she will realize what is right and wrong. You cannot force her. And even if you COULD you would wind up making her dislike you even more. And possibly end your whole relationship for good.

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Originally Posted by achampio21

Was a little curious what state you live in... most states give the child's opinion weight at age 12.

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I don't know about "most" states, but many states will give weight to the child's wishes in this matter. But only if they go through proper channels. A non custodial parent who allows the child to defy the court order is not going to win points.

The proper procedure would be for the non custodial parent to send the child back to the custodial parent while they file for a change in custody. The child can then voice their opinion at a hearing and a judge can decide what's in the best interests of the child.

In this situation a judge might very well rule for the custodial parent as providing the better environment of care and discipline.

But for the father to coddle the child and allow her to violate the court ordered custodial arrangement, isn't going to sit well with the courts.

At this point the father is interfering with legal custody and the daughter is basically also a runaway.

Since the father is not going to court to get legal custody, it is possible to seek charges against the father ( from a legal standpoint) ** again depending on where you are at, since in GA a child can leave home at 17 is they want.

Well I looked into what the legal age to move out and Pennsylvania is actually one of the two states that sets the age of majority at 21 (the other is Mississippi). Unless there are loopholes, that means you need parental consent or legal emancipation to move out before you turn 21.

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Originally Posted by pamom

Well I looked into what the legal age to move out and Pennsylvania is actually one of the two states that sets the age of majority at 21 (the other is Mississippi). Unless there are loopholes, that means you need parental consent or legal emancipation to move out before you turn 21.

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Interesting, but its partially a moot point. She's not "moving out" per se, she's seeking to change custodial parents. But it does mean she can't just up and move until she's 21.

Her father can still petition for a change in custody, but its not going to look too good if he violates the custody orde.

Well I did talk to her about all this the other day and told her she would have to make a decision soon because I was sure her dad didn't want to pay me child support while she was living with him. She had never taken into consideration that this would mean a change of schools also. She thought things could continue as is but she would live at her dads. I will talk to her again tomorrow when I pick her sister up. I am going to see if she will come home for"visitation" with me for the weekend.

Does dad live in the same school district?

Limitations on Emancipation

Even when minors achieve emancipation, they cannot take part in activities which, by law, may require that participants have attained an older age -- such as purchasing and/or drinking alcohol, voting, or getting married.

Close to half of the states -- including New York and Pennsylvania -- provide no separate statutory provisions for emancipation. Instead, these states rely on the fact that emancipation is automatically achieved upon a minor getting married, joining the armed forces, or reaching the age of majority.

Age Requirements for Emancipation

Generally, the statutory age at which a minor can petition a court for emancipation is at least sixteen years or older, but below the age of majority (which among the vast majority of states is eighteen years of age). California allows a minor of the age of fourteen to petition its courts for emancipation.

I tried to find any info on visitation guidelines but I couldn't find anything on visitation but a lot on child support. If you want go to the website below and try yourself. Good luck and I wish you the best.

Lawyer, Lawyers, Attorney, Attorneys, Law, Legal Information - FindLaw

The advice you have been given is excellent and your husband is violating a court order.There is another dynamic at work here also that you should be aware of, in that your daughter has learned to use your husband against you to get what she wants, and this is not good. She has effectively divided you both, and you and your husband had better get on the same page, or your problems have just started. You two may not work together well, but for the upbringing of children you must. I'd leave her where she is, until she decides that being under your rules is a better idea.

My ex_husband lives in another school district and I told her Wednesday that she had to make a decision soon because I was sure her dad was not going to pay me child support with her living there, which also meant going to court to change custody order and then schools. Which she said she never thought about , that means giving up being captain of the varsity cheer leading squad. So today I am going to where she works to talk to her when she gets off and I think I am going to tell her to come home and if she still wants to live with her dad then fine but she is staying in my home until there is a new court order. I love her toooooo much to give up on her. There is no discipline at her dads and that is not good for any teenager. I feel like I have to show her I love her too much to let her just walk out on me. She has never given ma any trouble in the past. She is really a good kid I think this boyfriend is manipulating her. This is when all the trouble started. He is controlling and manipulative. He threatens suicide when then argue and the whole bit. I tried asking her father to back me up when it came to this boy but he said the kid never did anything "wrong to him".
This is my daughter and I will go though the end of the earth for her and fight to keep her in my home. Wow sorry I just needed to vent.