I have been in a relationship with a man I worked with for 8 yrs. He was living with his wife and we were having an affair. He would come to me and say he loved me and wanted to be with me and I would "accept" that thinking "someday he will leave her for me"... when things got bad at home and his wife would make it hard for him (she knew he was having an affair and who it was with), he would break up with me... several months would go by and he would come crawling back to me saying he loved me and couldn't stay away from me, and I would go back to him... a year ago, I got another job just so I could get away from him and this difficult triangle I was in with him... I am in love with him and have loved him all these years, and stood by his side when times were hard for him at home... a little over a year ago, he came to me saying he wanted to live with me and was ready to leave his wife for me, he was with me for 2 hrs. then he said he had to go home, he shouldn't be there with me... while he was there, his wife called me and said I could have him, but when he left to go back to her, I told him to call and tell her he was coming back, he said I needed to do that, which I did... 6 months went by and we had no contact at all... then he contacted me and said he really did love me and it was time for him to be with me, he was ready to be with me, he asked if we could live together and I stupidly said no. We lived together for 6 months, the 3rd time he threatened to leave me, I said go, I can't do this anymore, I'm moving on, I'm done... he was so depressed and on medication while we were together... he said he didn't think about the wife, but I knew his depression strung from that... he said I was his once-in-a-lifetime love and how lucky he was to have me, but the thing is, he never did anything to show me how much he loved me... he never took me out anywhere and he didn't do anything to show me how much he loved me after all these years... he blamed me for him not seeing his children, who are teenagers, when in fact I was the one who pushed and urged him to call them and see them... the wife did everything to keep the kids away from him... when he left, he said he was going to stay with his brother, but he didn't do that, he moved back in with the wife, saying he was living in the basement... I don't believe that at all and know it's all just a lie... I feel like he has just done too much too me for me to ever forgive him... it's all very hard to accept and move on, but I was the one who said I was done, I was moving on, cause he had just hurt me too bad, again, and he went back to his wife, again... I don't think he was ever truly over the wife and I feel like he used me to cater to his ego and make him feel good about himself when the times were hard with her... I did love him with everything I had for all these years, but I feel like he stole that too from me, without concern for my feelings... I'm moving on with my life, but it's hard, 8 yrs. Of memories, good and bad, of us together... how do I move on and find myself again cause I lost myself in him and he tried to control everything about me and my life, and he tried to distance me from my friends and family...

He didn't do anything you didn't let him do, lets get that straight from the start. However, if you click on the links in my signature, you'll find some excellent suggestions on how to move on.

Your 1st mistake was getting involved with a married man and then staying for 8 years. Your second was believing he loved you more than his wife and looked who is choose.

You can say he stole time with you and separated you from your family and friends because you allowed this to happen, you was nothing more than his mistress and he used you and again you allowed this.

Now that's he back with his wife let him stay and don't have any further contact with him. Don't worry about where his sleeping at home because he there.

You just need to move on and hope you learned a lesson from this that married man is off limits and don't be part of the trap. This story have so many mitakes on your part,I don't going enough state his, that I don't feel like going into it.Also, try rebuild a relationship with your family and friends.

Hi Timeformetofly, this man is not your man. This is a married man. Leave the man and his wife and family alone and get your own man and start your own family. He is not married to you so why do you expect him to be committed to you. I don't mean to be rude but you should be ashamed of sleeping with a man who has a wife and family. What makes you think that if he is cheating on his wife with you and he leaves his wife for you, what makes you think that he will not do the same to you. Don't fool yourself. Most People have adulterous affairs for sex not because of love. He probably loves his wife and feels guilty for fooling around with you and that is why he keeps going back to her. Its been eight years, if he really loved you and not his wife he would have left her a long time ago. I know you are hurt but I am afraid you are not the victim in this situation, his wife is the victim.
You wasted 8 years of you life with a man who already has a wife and family. You could have met a good single man and started your own family. Hopefully you are not too old to start afresh. But it is never too late to move on.

My suggestion to you is move on with your life don't allow him to sweet talk you into bed when he it is convenient for him. You are worth more than that and as a woman you should be able to put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you like a man who married you and vowed to commit and love you alone to be sleeping around with other women. I doubt you would like that. So just move on with your life and find yourself a single man. There are plenty of them out there.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Your 1st mistake was getting involved with a married man and then staying fo 8 years. Your second was believing he loved you more than his wife and looked who is choose.

You can say he stole time with you and seperated you from your family and friends b/c you allowed this to happen, you was nothing more than his mistress and he used you and again you allowed this.

Now thats he back with his wife let him stay and dont have any further contact with him. Dont worry about where his sleeping at home b/c he there.

You just need to move on and hope you learned a lesson from this that married man is off limits and dont be part of the trap. This story have so many mitakes on your part,I dont going enough state his, that I dont feel like going into it.Also, try rebuild a relationship with your family and friends.

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I do agree with you... I "allowed" him to do this to me and I took the scraps he threw my way... everything I thought I knew about him was a lie, so I am healing right now and I have moved on in every way... when he left, he then said he wanted to stay, but I was the one who said I was moving on, I was done... it took me 8 yrs. To find out what a loser he is and he cares for nobody but himself... he has also had several other affairs on his wife which she knows about... I finally realized I deserved better... her probation is over and her jail sentence starts again by taking him back, again... everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe we all learn from our mistakes...

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Originally Posted by liz28

Your 1st mistake was getting involved with a married man and then staying fo 8 years. Your second was believing he loved you more than his wife and looked who is choose.

You can say he stole time with you and seperated you from your family and friends b/c you allowed this to happen, you was nothing more than his mistress and he used you and again you allowed this.

Now thats he back with his wife let him stay and dont have any further contact with him. Dont worry about where his sleeping at home b/c he there.

You just need to move on and hope you learned a lesson from this that married man is off limits and dont be part of the trap. This story have so many mitakes on your part,I dont going enough state his, that I dont feel like going into it.Also, try rebuild a relationship with your family and friends.

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I've learned from my mistakes, and realize I don't need him in my life... he is where he belongs, with his wife... I just hope this time he respects her and doesn't cheat on her again considering he has had several affairs on her that she knows about... everything happens for a reason and I know good things are out there for me in my life, with a single and available man...

His wife must think less of herself to even stay with a husband that cheats all the time, but its on her and between them to.

I just feel sorry for you that it took 8 years to wake up and smell the coffee It took my friend 10years and I hating her along the way and hating the married man She always fell for his"I love you more than my wife and I will divorce her" speech. In return most of our friends turned on her and family did not speak to her, but now everything good that he's gone and we threw her a party.

Just like I posted early never get involved with a married man because you have to think better of yourself and it good you realize all the time you wasted on someone who was not worth it. So now you can move on to find someone uninvolved and you pick up a valuable lesson, I just wish it don't happen to you if you ever get married But like I told my friend I happy you removed yourself from the equation and that was the first step.

I do believe his wife doesn't think much of herself to take him back after he has cheated on her for so very long... we both have always made it easy for him, cause I was available whenever he wanted me and she always took him back, but he was never there for me when I needed him... I have 8 yrs. Of catching up to do with my life, and I am going to do all the things I've missed doing cause I was always "waiting" for him... I'm glad your friend finally realized how bad it is being with a married man also... but I do believe our experiences in life make us stronger and wiser... I have learned that I deserve better and I deserve it all in a relationship, with an available man... both your friend and myself took the steps necessary to get away from these loser's and that is a lesson in itself, it shows our strength and it shows it was just too much pain and hurt...

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Originally Posted by liz28

His wife must think less of herself to even stay with a husband that cheats all the time, but its on her and between them to.

I just feel sorry for you that it took 8 years to wake up and smell the coffee It took my friend 10years and I hating her along the way and hating the married man She always fell for his"I love you more than my wife and I will divorce her" speech. In return most of our friends turned on her and family did not speak to her, but now everything good that hes gone and we threw her a party.

Just like I posted early never get involved with a married man b/c you have to think better of yourself and it good you realize all the time you wasted on someone who was not worth it. So now you can move on to find someone uninvolved and you pick up a valuable lesson, I just wish it dont happen to you if you ever get married But like I told my friend I happy you removed yourself from the equation and that was the first step.

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I do believe his wife doesn't think much of herself to take him back after he has cheated on her , again, for so very long... we both have always made it easy for him, cause I was available whenever he wanted me and she always took him back, but he was never there for me when I needed him... I have 8 yrs. Of catching up to do with my life, and I am going to do all the things I've missed doing cause I was always "waiting" for him... I'm glad your friend finally realized how bad it is being with a married man also... it is very lonely and you lose yourself along the way... but I do believe our experiences in life make us stronger and wiser... I have learned that I deserve better and I deserve it all in a relationship, with an available man... both your friend and myself took the steps necessary to get away from these loser's and that is a lesson in itself, it shos our strength and it shows it was just too much pain and hurt...

You knowingly get involve with this married man and let him control your life and turn it upside now. You should never want to be anyone seconds and get played because that's what he did and a dog will aways find its way home but I wouldn't let him back in because he might have flees, be lucky you didn't catch one.

I really don't know to say because I never been in this situation but I happy to hear you will never do it again because morally its not right and I'm don't go to church but know right from wrong. In a way your just like the wife where you kept taking him back and believing his lies, someday the wife will leave him in the doghouse, but I just curious to know what was the changing point for you?

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Originally Posted by alwaystrue

You knowingly get involve with this married man and let him control your life and turn it upside now. You should never want to be anyone seconds and get played because thats what he did and a dog will aways find its way home but I wouldnt let him back in because he might have flees, be lucky you didnt catch one.

I really dont know to say because I never been in this situation but I happy to hear you will never do it again because morally its not right and I'm dont go to church but know right from wrong. In a way your just like the wife where you kept taking him back and believing his lies, someday the wife will leave him in the doghouse, but I just curious to know what was the changing point for you?

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Yes, I did let him turn my life upside down, for 8 yrs. I believed in him and loved him and stood beside him, even though when he left me, he went home to his wife... I am not proud of what I did and I have learned so much from this experience... It's very hard, the emotional rollercoaster ride I experience, but I have to admit, when I walked away from him and said I was done, I felt relief for the first time in all these years... I took what he "wanted" to give me and things I needed for me he wasn't "willing" to give... and you're right, the dog found his way home, as he always does... I believe one day he will feel the pain he has caused his wife and me... I was smart, I walked away from him, even though it took a long time to do so, for her, her prison sentence is starting back up... I will never be involved with a married man again, a hard and painful lesson I have learned... and yes, me and the wife have always taken him back, we made it easy for him, he has lied to both of us and his family for so very long... eventually all of his evil ways will catch up with him... the changing point for me was I finally realized I deserve better than he was willing to give me and he wasn't going to walk away from his wife and his life, he is a very weak man and needs to be taken care of and he wasn't willing to give up anything for me... and he wasn't willing to give up anything for her, cause if he was, he would have never cheated on her... I am a good person, I just made a very big mistake, but the lesson I have learned is very valuable... I deserve a man who can commit to me 100% and who belongs to only me, no one else... the man I thought I knew so well, I realized by living with him, I didn't know him at all, and I didn't like the person I came to know...

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Originally Posted by timeformetofly

Yes, I did let him turn my life upside down, for 8 yrs. I believed in him and loved him and stood beside him, even though when he left me, he went home to his wife.... I am not proud of what I did and I have learned so much from this experience.... It's very hard, the emotional rollercoaster ride I experience, but I have to admit, when I walked away from him and said I was done, I felt relief for the first time in all these years.... I took what he "wanted" to give me and things I needed for me he wasn't "willing" to give.... and you're right, the dog found his way home, as he always does.... I believe one day he will feel the pain he has caused his wife and me.... I was smart, I walked away from him, even though it took a long time to do so, for her, her prison sentence is starting back up.... I will never be involved with a married man again, a hard and painful lesson I have learned.... and yes, me and the wife have always taken him back, we made it easy for him, he has lied to both of us and his family for so very long.... eventually all of his evil ways will catch up with him.... the changing point for me was I finally realized I deserve better than he was willing to give me and he wasn't going to walk away from his wife and his life, he is a very weak man and needs to be taken care of and he wasn't willing to give up anything for me.... and he wasn't willing to give up anything for her, cause if he was, he would of never cheated on her.... I am a good person, I just made a very big mistake, but the lesson I have learned is very valuable.... I deserve a man who can commit to me 100% and who belongs to only me, no one else.... the man I thought I knew so well, I realized by living with him, I didn't know him at all, and I didn't like the person I came to know....

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Another thing that I guess is hard for me to admit, and it hurts, is the fact he had become physically abusive, along with the mental abuse, two times when we had an argument, he pushed me down very hard to the floor, the 2nd time, he pushed me so hard into the bed, that the whole bed broke as he pushed me into it, the last fight, before I said just go, leave, he had drew his fist back at me to punch me, he didn't, but that really opened my eyes, I had tried to push the fear that was growing to the back of my mind, but I couldn't and wouldn't fear him because of him being physical with me... I kept thinking, next time, it will be worse, and he had claimed he "didn't remember" the time he drew his fist back to punch me, I knew he was lying, cause he remembered the other times, but a mutual friend of ours, I had told her about the fear I had and what he did, and he knew she knew about this, so to cover for himself and not make him look so bad, I believe he said he didn't remember that... this on top of everything else, I had just had enough... I deserve better and I realized he wasn't "the one"... I thought he was my dreams, but he turned out to be my nightmares...