OK, so me and my girlfriend got back 2gther 3 weeks ago and things have been going great. We decided to take things slow, but things have naturally sped up. I really do love her and have tried to keep my feet firmly on the ground this time round, not get so wrapped up in her and have a life outside her... but whenever we are apart, like weekdays, when she is at college and I'm not, I worry that we are growing apart and she is starting to see that life without me isn't so bad. In July she'll go back home up north for 2 months and I'm so worried that we won't be 2gther then, as I am contantly worried that even now that I'm no longer at college, she won't want me as much. That she can get over me, like she did over the last easter break due to no contact. She keeps askig me to re-add her on Facebook... but I don't know if I want to. I had a horrible dream last night that she was cheating on me... naturally down to my insecurities. I just don't know what to do. I text her yesterday and seemed rather brief in her reply. So decided I'm not going to contact her at all today, let her miss me a bit. I know I sound like a right sap. I'm just worried that we are going to drift apart and she'll realise like she has done in the past that she can do without me. Any advice would be great.

I'm no expert but if you fly under the radar, and keep your stuff together... things may work out.

It's hard not to show emotion, Just let it loose at the right time. Anytime in between is awkward.

I sympathize with you as I'm dealing with some major insecurities of my own after having recently gotten back with my ex. She slept with another guy during the time I we were apart so now I feel as though I am constantly being compared sexually to the guy. (though we aren't sleeping with each other for right now, taking it slow) Believe me I understand about insecurities. But I have to keep telling myself its just that, insecurities. Paranoia. I have also been tempted to spend every waking hour with her and hold on to her for dear life. But my brain knows that spending time apart and having lives outside of each other is the healthy thing to do. That's what you have to tell yourself also. Give it time and your confidence in yourself will start to come back. Go a head and readd her on FB. I know its just stupid Facebook, but some people, especially girls (no offence to any reading this) make big deals over small thing like this. If you want this to work, then you need to make sure you aren't the one causing problems. If adding her in FB is what you have to do to make her happy, then do it. Like I said earlier, its STUPID Facebook, and you can always remove her again if things go south. Just ask yourself is that the hill you want to die on? Anyway, I've had many horrible dreams as well of her cheating, or of us fighting really bad. Its just my subconscious insecurities manifesting themselves in my dreams. Right now you are at a very unstable point so its natural for you to feel this way, but the longer you are together again the more stable and secure you will feel. Importantly, just keep communication lines open and don't smother her. Its tempting to hold on to her as tight as you can nowm that she's back, but this will drive her away. Just do your best to be the happy You she loves and try to relax and enjoy being with her again. If you are relaxed and having fun, then she will be able to as well which will increase your chances of the second chance working.

Well today she text me asking to see me tonight but explianed I couldn't because I was off to the theatre but asked if she wanted to see me 2morow night... she didn't botehr replying all day so I tetx her syaing oi, a simple yes or no would do. She said 'oi mr attitude, yea tomorrow sounds good' we then spoke brefil on the fone. But she didn't text me goodnight tonight which got me a little paranoid... as I hoped she would, especially sinc ei did it last night. Maybe because she knew I was out. Now I want to see her at the weekend, but I want to go to some party on sat,. now I just found out she';ll prob go to some house party on sat of her best mates boyfriend... which now as got me all paranoid and freaked out... why am I like this? Am I better off alone?

I'll be honest, this is one of those things that are really hard on the relationship. You are each in two different wrolds, like a long-distance relationship. Don't be so hard on yourself. I hate to use this cliché but if it was meant to be, it was meant to be. But if it doesn't feel right, it's not going to.

I don't know how valid my advice can be, but what I know for sure is that you guys should definitely take things slower that you had previously. In some of my past relationships (and from reading on this site), picking things up from where you left of is generally a bad idea. Slowing things down and getting comfortable is the best thing to do.

When I look back on past relationships, the beginning is always the part of the relationship that goes the best (naturally). As a result, I find myself wishing that I hadn't stopped being so sweet/caring/kind/etc as time went on. You two may know each other very well, but treat her the way you did when you first got together. This ensures that you're taking things at a slower pace, and that things will continue. Don't intentionally stop contact her as this may make you seem distant to her. Be extra polite, like the way we all are when we first start a relationship. Don't say/do things that will seem impolite, even minor things. The initial breakup happened for a reason, so try to find out what it is without making the same mistakes.

Best of luck to you.

I think what you have to understand is that you have to remember the past but DO NOT live off it. Treat this as if it were a new relationship. Start slow, and build build build. Build up the trust, the love and the connection. You have to work hard to improve your relationship. Remember that it's easy to love someone but it's hard to fall out of it.
Take it one step and one day at a time

Maybe I'm misunderstanding this but...

She broke up with you recently, and you guys were apart for a while. Now your back together and your constantly worried that she is going to leave you again?

Don't you see that you aren't ready to get back into this? I wish the best for you, but it is going to be very hard for you if you can't trust her and can't get over what happened. Without knowing the whole story it sounds like you used NC to get her back and it worked... for now. Just know its going to be hard.

You can't be so needy and insecure - women hate that. You need to be confident and throw off a laid back, almost "whatever" vibe.

Bigbird you are so right. That's exacty what happened, I wnet no contact for 4 weeks while she was on her easter break, then when she came back she said she had realised and hadn't stopped crying over me etc. prob is right now its very comfortable and a bit laid back, which worries me, because when I'm not talking to her I worry she is having doubts like last time. Maybe your right, maybe I am not ready for this again. Problem is I am madly in love with this girl and don't want to loose her. She text me yesterday asking if I wanted to see her last night, I couldn't because I was off to the theatre. So we're going to see each other tonight instead. Usually we text each other goodnight, but she didn't text me and I didn't text her, then when I got home a 'hot' single mate of mine said he had been speaking to her online... which I don't even do. And this kind of worried me a little bit and to be honest made me jealous a bit, espeically after my dream 2 nights ago. I just think at the moment, due to this change in our lives (me just leaving the bubble that is our college) we getting used to not seeing each other every day. The question now is... do I text her about tonight before lunch time or wait until she texts me and asks me? Maybe I should sinc she's the one who asked me yesterday. My biggest problem when we first went out was that all my sensitivity and insecurity would be shown around her... now we don't see each other as much I have time to calm down on my own and she is none the wiser.

You are walking on eggshells over something stupid...

Call her or text her whenever you want. You are in a relationship, she has to expect that you are going to be contacting her. You are so worried that she will get pushed away by your contact that you're debating not contacting her. You need to act like this is a new relationship, take it slow, and don't treat her differently based on what happened in the past.

It seems like you blame yourself for the first breakup and your bending over backwards to make sure it doesn't happen again. You need to realize that if it happens, its going to happen pretty munch no matter what you do.

So you answer your question, call her whenever you feel comfortable. You want to call her before lunch, do it. You want to call her after lunch, do it. You are in a relationship with her, if she gets upset that you are calling to confirm plans you already made for tonight then to hell with her.

Well said. Well we have arranged to go out tonight. And your right. I got to stop wlaking over eggshells. I do blame myself for the first break up, because we kind of smotehred each other... its a bit different now seeing a sive finsihed college. We're going to go for a meal tonight and back to hers which is nice. Its weird sometimes we're all over each other and I feel comfortable saying and oing anything... other times its too cool that I'm scared to even ask how she is. Then other times like now its very comfortable... almost too comfortable that its relaxed. But one thing I do know and that is id be lost without her and I think she'd be the same... I hope. Anywhew thanks for all your advice.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2782522
You have put yourself through a lot of head games and why?
Don't play games with her.
Don't over think yourself
Don't think so much
You really do need to make up your mind as to what your actions are and follow thru.
You need to relax, more than you need advice. Could the end of school and the coming of summer and separation have anything to do with your paranoid insecurities?? Of course. Relax, and give yourself a chance to relax. Take it one day at a time.
Don't take her for granted, just because you got back together. You both should be having fun and enjoy making good memories, so focus on that.

Srulik,

Let it go. Have fun. Why do you want to spend your time worrying about things that didn't happen and might not ever happen. If you are choosing to get back into a relationship, then you must also choose to let go of what happened before. If you can't do this, maybe you shouldn't be in the relationship.

Relationships are supposed to be fun, not this much stress.