I messed up so bad. I left the girl I love.
I guess I was scared that she would control my life. I try to stop thinking about her. No luck. Too much in common. I want my old life back (keep on dreaming) I know I need to move forward. I keep thinking that I should move back closer to her. (I think she's done with me though) But, still I think... just maybe we can be together again. Maybe I'm just fantisizing: Making her out to be better than she is. I can't stop thinking about her. She doesn't ever call. Yet, I want to call her. I want her to be happy so, I don't want to bother her. Plus, what would we say. If she wanted to talk to me then she would call. Unless she just doesn't want me to hurt (letting me down easy) I miss her so much. I miss her voice, laugh, the way she talked to her cat, her talent, her touch, her humor. I guess I can't let go because if I do, what if she wants to get back with me. (not likely, but what if?) I'm a wreck. I've got so much going for me and my life. So much potential but it's worthless to me. I want to share it with her. I've never felt this sad for so long. I can see that I'm hurting people close to me. I want to be happy. (I guess I just have to decide, right?) I feel stupid. I don't blame anyone for not responding to this if that's the case. I'm at my wit's end. I simply want to talk to someone anonymously so that I can get it all out on the table. (Please, no Christians telling me I need to find Jesus. I'm not against spiritual things but... I don't know... whatever)