Ask Me Help Desk - I still don't know how to feel.

As you all know if you have read my previous pst. I lost my father about 6 weeks ago, and I still am not sure how I am supposed to feel about it. I have tried to write in a notebook, because it helps me a lot. I had no idea that writing could make a person think... alot. I have made progress I think. I hope my emotions will set in soon. I guess because I work 6 days a week, I don't have time to dwell on the passing of my father. I don't know if that's a god thing or a bad thing.could someone give me some avice as to why my emotions won't let me be emotional. I want to cry. All the time, but I'm so confused I don't know what to do sometimes. I really hope someone can help me.because I'm not sure what to do. I have tried talking to my husand and all he says is "it will come when you least expect it." I hope so. As long as its not in a public place I guess tat will be OK. People have ask me if I even care about the passing, and I say yes, but I really think I have grudges I hold against him and that is probably part of my problem.

If writing in your notebook is the best way to cope with losing a loved one then write away!

There is no right or wrong way to deal with situations like this. Some people cry. Others lock themselves in a room for days and some people, like yourself, write.

I'm so sorry for your lose.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradysmama17

as you all know if you have read my previous pst. i lost my father about 6 weeks ago, and i still am not sure how i am supposed to feel about it. i have tried to write in a notebook, because it helps me alot. i had no idea that writing could make a person think....alot. i have made progress i think. i hope my emotions will set in soon. i guess because i work 6 days a week, i dont have time to dwell on the passing of my father. i dont know if thats a god thing or a bad thing.could someone give me some avice as to why my emotions wont let me be emotional. i wanna cry. all the time, but im so confused i dont know what to do sometimes. i really hope someone can help me.because im not sure what to do. i have tried talking to my husand and all he says is "it will come when you least expect it." i hope so. as long as its not in a public place i guess tat will be ok. people have ask me if i even care about the passing, and i say yes, but i really think i have grudges i hold against him and that is probably part of my problem.

Everyone grieves in a different fashion and there is no right way, no wrong way. I don't think the people who cry suffer any more or less than the people who don't.

I have not read any of your previous posts so I don't know the history. I know when my Dad died my sister never cried, not one tear, not for a year. And then on the anniversary of his death it hit her that this was not a dress rehearsal, that there was no going back, that my Dad was gone from us and then she put in a terrible, terrible year of grieving.

Sometimes being angry at the deceased, "holding a grudge," gets you through the day. Anger is easier to manage than grief and perhaps that's why you have turned to looking at grudges.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bradysmama17

as you all know if you have read my previous pst. i lost my father about 6 weeks ago, and i still am not sure how i am supposed to feel about it. i have tried to write in a notebook, because it helps me alot. i had no idea that writing could make a person think....alot. i have made progress i think. i hope my emotions will set in soon. i guess because i work 6 days a week, i dont have time to dwell on the passing of my father. i dont know if thats a god thing or a bad thing.could someone give me some avice as to why my emotions wont let me be emotional. i wanna cry. all the time, but im so confused i dont know what to do sometimes. i really hope someone can help me.because im not sure what to do. i have tried talking to my husand and all he says is "it will come when you least expect it." i hope so. as long as its not in a public place i guess tat will be ok. people have ask me if i even care about the passing, and i say yes, but i really think i have grudges i hold against him and that is probably part of my problem.

Hi bradysmama17
I lost my dad a little over a year ago
I just wanted to ask you if you tried writing to him in your journal tell him how you feel and try to forgive the grudges and move on from it. You will never get over the loss of your father but it does get easier as time goes on
Sorry for your loss
Tracey

bradysmama17,

I think you got off to a good start in listening to your husband say that your grief may slip up on you when least expected. I know a man whose adult daughter crashed and died. On the way home from work one day, he began to "break down," "lose it," or whatever, and pulled off the road. He thought he was "going crazy."

Actually, he was not losing it but finding it, and not going crazy but staying sane. You have already heard here that each person experiences grief differently. The important thing, well, one important thing, is to allow yourself to experience it. Don't push, but open yourself to it. Don't be afraid of it. Fear or anxiety may intimidate you a bit if you do not express emotion readily.

The writing is another good approach to working through grief. You might write through details of the grudges. You already show signs of healthy grieving in being open about the negative feelings. If prayer is a part of your life, I suggest you pray the negative feelings. When you get to the point that it seems appropriate, you might also pray gratitude for the positive things you received from your father. Openly expressing the negative might help you to approach this place.

Six weeks is a short time in the grieving process. You may be making progress in coming off the "numb scale" and allowing your mind and feelings to begin to "process" where you are in your life.

Have you sorted your father's personal effects? Have you been involved in the business aspects of "closure?" I use "closure" with awareness that closure is a process and not an event, just as is grief. The practical action/chores side of grieving is an important component. There are business and legal documents to deal with; hopefully your father made this "relatively" easy by doing some preparation.

The grief and closure process may run 18 months to two years, more or less, as far as the more powerful and moving dynamics of the experience are concerned. But feelings of sadness and gladness, pain and joy, and experiences of both tears and laughter are healthy ingredients of healthy grieving.

Oh, yes, I have found that group grief support meetings can be very good for healing and growth in dealing with loss and grief.

Accept the reality, be open to the pain, and...