Hi I am new here :)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. I love him a lot. He tells me he loves me but he isn't very affectionate.. like he doesn't like to hold hands or kiss me very often unless I initiate it.
The problem is I over analyze everything he says or does. He never says I love you with all of my heart and he doesn't like to be corny or spill his feelings all the time. He tells me that I should know how he feels, (hes told me things in the past) already.
He was raised not to show emotion, by his dad, so maybe that's why he is like this?
He is really mellow when he is around just me, but when he is around friends he is a lot more hyper.
Ugh sorry I am just confused I hope I made any sense at all.

Concerning your overanalyzing:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ws-214434.html
This is related so you might want to have a read.

Secondly, you might want to stop yourself and think if he was ALWAYS like this.. You've been together 2.5 years so Im guessing you know what he's like.. think back to your first year onwards in the relationship... If he has always been distant with his emotion then maybe you shouldn't worry too much, and maybe you should just accept it because you knew what you were going in too if it was like this to begin with.
If you feel his behavior towards you has changed over the 2.5 years then its time to talk about it with him.. let him know how you feel - he won't bite you.
Also if you want to spark some life into your relationship then arrange a vacation together or a weekend getaway.. It'll bring some of the spark back.. Men do get comfortable after a certain amount of time.. I wouldn't worry too much about it.. When I was with my girlfriend much like your boyfriend I loved going out with my friends but I liked just hanging out with my girlfriend... watching a movie or just messing about the house..

If after 2 and a half years you can't read what's in his heart, and be happy with that, you may have a problem you need to deal with, such as lack of communications on your part, or being able to express your needs, or needing reassurance (insecure), or any number of things that have clouded your perception. He is who he is. Has he changed or have you?

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The problem is I over analyze everything he says or does.

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That's your problem, not his, and shows you haven't accepted what he does give you, and you expect more. Have you discussed this with him, or do you expect he should know what's on your mind?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If after 2 and a half years you can't read whats in his heart, and be happy with that, you may have a problem you need to deal with, such as lack of communications on your part, or being able to express your needs, or needing reassurance (insecure), or any number of things that have clouded your perception. He is who he is. Has he changed or have you?


Thats your problem, not his, and shows you haven't accepted what he does give you, and you expect more. Have you discussed this with him, or do you expect he should know whats on your mind?

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He has always been this way. He shows emotion when he feels like and hates when I ask him for reassurence because he says I should already know and he doesn't like to feel like he's on the spot.

Tal, don't ask me how but I have to spread it around. LOL... Guess its been a while.

I'm thinking after 2 1/2 years this is bothering you. Affection is obviously more important you you than it is to him. Maybe you thought you could deal with it, or he would change. There is nothing wrong with him, he is who he is, he just does not meet your needs. You need to ask yourself if you can and want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this, or if you want to move on.

I can deal with it, I just forget that he's like that and worry so much that its me and that's why he doesn't show emotions

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Originally Posted by Johnny

i can deal with it, i just forget that hes like that and worry so much that its me and that's why he doesnt show emotions

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I could be wrong, but I would think ater some time this will effect you self- esteem. You seem to need affection and want to be told you're cared about. There is nothing wrong with that as there are men out there who are very affectionate, and would have no problem with doing all of that, or they would be willing to compromise.
I am assuming you are young, and I will tell you, don't start settling for someone who does not, cannot or does not see the need to meet your needs. If there is some need you are not fulfilling if his, I'm sure he'd have no problem telling you about it and you'd probably bend over backward to try and meet it. Don't settle for any less for yourself.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with him or you, I'm just saying if he does not meet your needs, does not even try to, there is someone else out there who may be more willing to.
But if you are going to stay with him, knowing how things will be, then learn to accept it and stop complaining.

Communication.

You need to talk to him and make sure that you are clear on how he feels and that he is clear on how you feel. As long as the two of you keep the communication going, there shouldn't be any problems.

You really shouldn't feel insecure about your relationship. If you are not confidant in it, you might lose it. Remember you are part of the relationship and not the relationship.

Keep in mind that some people are uncomfortable with pda.

I have the same problem. My boyfriend doesn't show any emotion. We have been together for a long time and this has always been a problem. I am very emotional and he is not in any way. He rarely says I love you but he can tell me that he does just doesn't know how to show it. Its very hard to spend time with someone u care about very much and never know how they feel. So with that said u are not alone.