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-   -   Love marriage or arrange marriage? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=214988)

  • May 11, 2008, 11:43 PM
    mona_18oct
    Love marriage or arrange marriage?
    I have boyfriend but my parents want that I will do marriage with a boy of their choice.I really love my Boyfriend and he also love me. What should I do?
  • May 11, 2008, 11:50 PM
    justcurious55
    Well, even though your parents opinion is important, you are the one who will be married and spending the rest of your life with this man. So untimately it has to be up to you to decide how you'll be happiest. If you're really sure you love your boyfriend and he's the one you want to spendyour life with, I say go for I and wish you the best of luck! :)
  • May 12, 2008, 08:20 AM
    liz28
    May I ask what is your culture?
  • May 12, 2008, 09:15 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    It is not our place to tell you who to marry, I understand in many cultures you have little choice but to marry who your parents chose. This is often done for business or status in life or many other arrangements that a parent finds important.

    In those places that use arrange marriages they often do very well, if both of the people work on the relationship and this was for centuries the method used in most cultures.

    For any relastionship to work, it takes effort. Has the family of the boy you are interested in, came and talked to your parents to try and arrange something by your customs.

    I understand that in many cultures it can be even dangerous to go against the will of your parents, so I urge everyone to remember this
  • May 13, 2008, 12:39 PM
    JBeaucaire
    Your chances at a happy life are the same whichever route you go, as long as you are a committed person.

    Modern culture puts a LOT of emphasis on marrying for love, and with 60%+ divorce rate, look how well THAT's working. No, love is a pretty poor measure of marital compatibility.

    To be honest, GOOD / SMART parents would probably have a good eye for the kind of man that would be good marriage material. Truly. Unless they're just greedy, of course. I'm talking about good parents. Only you can look at your parents and honestly evaluate if they are wise people or not.

    Anyway, if you opt to marry your guy or let your parents choose, you then follow a pretty predictable path. And whether it works out or not is based SO much on your behavior that you probably would be sad to know.

    A truly committed heart, dedication, admiration, faithfulness, tenderness, awareness... these things would/could lead to a successful life with almost anyone. And saying that, your parents choice might set you up a lot better in other ways first starting. I'm just saying.

    You can date for love. But you can't marry for it. You marry him because he's shown a HUGE level of compatibility with you in important ways that have nothing to do with your feelings. If he has done this, then marrying him instead of your parents choice would be just fine.

    It IS your choice. But the choice isn't about the men solely, it's more about you.
  • May 13, 2008, 12:42 PM
    izzymeester
    It's your life and your descion
  • Aug 18, 2008, 10:36 PM
    BetrayalBtCamp
    Have your parents met your boyfriend? Is there any possibility that they would consider changing their minds & approve a marriage with him if they spent more time with him? Do you have a relative or someone your parents respect & would listen to that would plead your case for you? Without your parents changing their minds, you will have to decide whether to go along with their plan or defy them which will have its own set of problems & may not even be a feasible choice for you.

    Quote:

    A truly committed heart, dedication, admiration, faithfulness, tenderness, awareness... these things would/could lead to a successful life with almost anyone.
    That's absolutely right as long as the other person is the same without any serious issues. A successful marriage is very much not just getting the right partner but being one too.

    And marrying for "love" is a relatively new wrinkle for marriages which the divorce rate shows doesn't always work as well as it should.

    If you have to marry someone you don't love right away, not letting yourself grow to love him is as big a mistake as marrying for love & letting yourself be unloving later.

    But I hope that you can be loved, loving & happy in your marriage for a lifetime with the partner you do end up with. I wish I could be more help but arranged marriages isn't something I have a lot of experience with. I do wish you the best.

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