Ok, so back in January my husband had lost his job. He had looked and looked for another, but was unable to find one in the area. Well he decided to head home to see what he could find. Well home is 3 states away and an 8 to 9 hour drive. He got there and within one day he found a job. Well here I am now, I live in North Carolina and my husband is in West Virginia. His plan was to get a job so he can start to help with bills and such and during that time he was going to still look for a job down where I'm at. Well apparently that is not happening. He has decided to stay and wants me to move up here, without consulting me. He's told his parents and family that we are going to build a house and I'm going to hopefully transfer up there. This disturbs me very much! For one he never asked and two I don't want to move. I feel a little bitter because I've already started over once for him, but I'm unsure if I want to do this again. People think that I'm crazy that I'm still here, or they think that he's crazy because he left me down here. We fight constantly over moving and it's taking it's toll on me. However moving isn't the only thing that is bothering me. Our sex life is up there right next to moving. I am 25 and he is 35. Having sex only once every couple weeks isn't going to work with me. I have been turned down by him over and over, so this is obviously a huge confidence killer. Because all I do is sit there and think if I'm thin enough or pretty enough for him, or just plan good enough for him, or if he's cheating on me. Every time I try to talk to him about something serious he says some random off the wall thing and changes the subject. This frustrates me even more! I guess I need some advice or opinions, just to give me relief that I'm not crazy, or maybe I am.

Who makes the most money, Who is the bread winner of the family. He lost his job, and for that probably felt like a failure. Now he is able to find a job and actually provide again. It is up to you if you want to move forward with him or not. You knew he was going to look for a job there. Right? A husband and wife should be together. If you feel you can not move with him. Or that he does not want to move back. Decisions have to be made. Look at the cons and the pros for each decision.

Yes, why did he go there to start with, if you are working, he could have fried hambers at that Mc place. Or something.

So he is there now, can you transfer ? And as noted who now has the better income. Where does he live, a apartment, or with a friend or a parent?

As for the sex, well all this stress can cause him not to perform plus sex every couple weeks, for may families where both people work, are tired that is more normal than you want want to beleve.

Right now you two are acting like people who are breaking up. Forget everything else and focus on that. If you two ARE in fact breaking up, then the rest of this drama settles itself, doesn't it?

If you're not breaking up, then honesty isn't the only issue, but also pragmatism. A man gains much of his confidence from his job, wife and success level. This ALL has a connection to his libido. No job, strained relationship with you and no measurable success... no libido.

Now that he has a job (one you sort of agreed he could go up and look for, right?), how much more excited does he sound. He needs his wife at his side to make the next step back in the right direction. Success, that's something you two acquire together.

If you're not breaking up, then you're married. Pride is fine, but is WAY down the list of useful emotions in bonding a marriage together. You belong together, you're commitment to HIM is as critical as anything.

Only you can decide if you can give him this. I just remind you that you promised you would. Honoring and cherishing your man is hard work, but you vowed it. You're willingness to be with him is part of your way of building him up in a way that leads to his confidence, in all areas, to coming back. You both win in that case.

I have to say that if you stand your ground and stay where you are, ultimately, you both will lose.

First, let me say that you are not crazy and you have legitimate feelings that are not being validated by your partner. Uprooting your life and moving to a new place is a huge decision. A decision that should be made by both partners not one. A marriage or any committed relationship, should always involve two people working towards a combined resolution. No one should be making decisions for you, without consulting you. You're 25, you are an adult, capable of making adult choices and living with adult consequences. His lack of desire to communicate or acknowledge your feelings does not say very much for his part in the relationship. Second, he seems to be in a power struggle, refusing to discuss issues, not wanting to have sex, making your decisions for you, undermining your confidence, all seem to point at his desire to maintain control of a situation that he feels he does not have control over. The one person that's supposed to love and support you, should not make you feel negatively towards yourself. If he continues to refuse acknowledgement of the situation, you may want to separate or absolve the relationship. Finally, counseling, at least for yourself (and definitely for him :D) may be a road you would like to travel. An outside, non-bias opinion can be a beneficial wakeup call and save your sanity. Be strong, you're a woman and perfectly capable of being yourself, even in the face of adversity.

Yes, you are perfectly capable and of standing your ground. If THAT'S the most important thing in your marriage right now, then go right ahead. (Woman power... rah!)

I simply remind you, yes, this isn't fair. No, he's not being the smartest in the world.

But he's your man. He's having troubles and ultimately, he needs his wife at his side. If you can't do that because of ______________________ (fill in your own list), just keep in mind that being "right" and helping your marriage may not go hand in hand right now.

In the end, it is up to you. I bet that woman power would help a lot IN your marriage, too.