Hey, my boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 months, but we knew each other previously for another year on top of that, I just turned 20 and he is turning 18.

At first we didn't have time for each other, I used to work in a nightclub, very late nights, so I changed my jobs so we could have more time for each other. We both love each other very much, and its both our longest and most serious relationship to date.

Im in University, second year, and I currently live with my flat mates, he lives at home with his parents and is starting uni in September, looking to move out. My lease runs out in July, so I suggested that we moved in together, to save us both money and to spend more time together. At first he was very keen, but then he kept making excuses, like he can't afford it and he's worried that we will have arguments and split up and he hasn't told his dad that he's gay yet, and he thinks it will be complex and is worried about it.

So I can understand that (I suppose) but that was a month ago, today he asked me to move into a 3 bedroom flat, with his friend. I was surprised at first. He says we will be living together and we will get to know each other and adapt and think about something bigger if we are still going strong next year...

I don't see the point on us both living under the same roof but having separate bedrooms? It would be more beneficial if we got a 2 bedroom flat and we both shared a room. But he says he needs his own space to get away from the world, and that he's not sharing a room with me. He says that he's doing what's best for him, and he's not backing down.

He used to share a room with his brother when he was younger and they both totally hate eacother now. I think this might be something to do with it.

What's the big deal? Why can't he commit? Am I asking too much off him? By the time it comes for us to move intogether we will have known each other for 2 years and we will have been boyfriends for a year. How much longer am I going to have to wait?

Hi,
It's much better if you two don't live together, even separate bedrooms. He is only 18, stilll living at home, still thinking about college.
Your life is very, very different than his. Since you are already a college student, you will be thinking of him as being one, too; but he isn't. He has a lot of "growing up" to do in his own mind, just to catch up with you.
If at all possible, put this relationship "on the back burner" for awhile. Let him have some space for himself; don't live with him.
He needs to know what he wants out of life, and unfortunately, it might not be you. If it is to be, then eventually, in about 6 months or so, after he starts college, you two could then get back together, and see where you stand.
That's my suggestion. I am really afraid you are asking too much of him right now. I am 64 yrs old, married 29 years, and have 3 college degrees. So, I do know what college life is about, living in Dorms, Apartments, etc.
Give him some time to grow up, learn more about himself. Hopefully, he will still be interested in you later.

I agree. He is young, and if you remember your feeling at 18...

Don't move in together yet. He isn't ready and if the relationship isn't right it only makes it harder.

If your relationship is good separate. Only change it if you are both sure, and not sleeping in the same room doesn't sound sure.

I am sure I shouldn't tell you definitive advice like not too, but my girlfriend is making a move out now and it is HARD! For her and me.

Not saying it's a bad decision, but where you sleep is more than just a bed.

I agree.

He is only 18 and NOT ready to live with you. You and he are in different mind sets. He needs to grow up a lot, experience things, he's not ready for a serious commitment like that.

I doubt that sharing the room with his brother was the reason he now hates his brother. There has to be way more to that.

Dear, I agree with the other three guys here, especially the not having the same bedroom. My adopted gay Italian son was living with two other guys, but they each had their own rooms to escape to and be alone for reflection and study. It's nice to have your 'fella' around you all the time. But look, he's not even ready to 'out' himself with his family yet, so you really need to give him room to make those decisions he needs to make when he's ready. Trying to give a young man like him ultimatums at that age will not make things easier on him - so, look toward the future and curtail your wants for the 'now'.

This is advice not just for gays, but for all young relationships because we all need time off to reflect and grow. This way you know whether you are mature enough and have trust in each other.

Think about your studies, and don't make anyone the center of your universe right now, until you yourself are well established - that's the best for all.

Good luck, and keep us posted.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_18.gif Try never to let jealousy take the upper hand!

Thanks for you advice.

Xxx